"You can't cherry-pick the rulebook. If you're going to use the rulebook, you use all of it."

Two weeks ago, the founder of American Longboarding Todd Messick got himself a little heat, and plenty of support truth be told, when he said no to inspirational T-Girl Sasha Jane Lowerson competing at the Huntington Beach Longboard Pro.

In a message posted to X, Messick said:

“It was brought to my attention yesterday that there’s a transgender athlete that’s entered into the women’s division and it threw me completely off guard. I didn’t realize I was going to have to address this just this soon, only into our second contest. But I do want to make clear that our policy is very much in line with the ISA. You’re welcome to go online, I’m going to post some things there, but right now we’re going to support biological males and biological females in their divisions respectively. If you were born a female, you enter in the women’s. If you’re born a male, you enter in the men’s.

“You guys can live however and whatever you want to do in life. That’s not for me to decide, but it is for me to decide what’s fair and not fair for the American Longboarding Association. So, that being said, we’re going to stick to our guns. I want to offer an equal playing field for all athletes and that’s the stand we’re taking so I hope that everybody respects that and allows us to just do our thing. This whole thing is about traditional longboard surfing and supporting that so that’s what we’re here to do.”

“It’s really this simple,” said the skateboarder Taylor Silverman, who ain’t into T-Girls in women’s sports. “Contest organizers just say no. Within one day of being made aware of this nonsense it was announced it would not be tolerated. This is the way. This is the future. This is the return to normalcy and sanity.”

Now, Messick’s dream of only allowing biological gals to compete against each other has evaporated after The California Coastal Commission ruled surf competitions could “not discriminate based on gender”.

“I was really disappointed and surprised [by the decision not to allow T-Girls into the contest”,” Sasha Jane Lowerson, a robust forty-seven-year-old strawberry blonde with terrific arms who blossomed into chemical-induced womanhood in 2020, told the BBC. “You can’t cherry-pick the rulebook. If you’re going to use the rulebook, you use all of it.”

One year ago, the World Surf League opened the door for transgender women to compete at the highest level despite Kelly Slater arguing for a “trans-only division.”

A few caveats.

You had to’ve been a gal for at least twelve months and your male hormone levels gotta be real low ie less than 5 nanomoles per liter continuously for the previous 12 months (biological men hover between 10 and 35, bio-gals under three), although the WSL said it wasn’t testing, instead relying on each athlete to supply their own supporting documents.

Messick says he was “surprised by the anger” following his post but also, “What I found too is that there was a lot of people very appreciative of me speaking up. For me, I was trying to do the right thing. It wasn’t something I ever expected to have to deal with really, not in our little longboard community.”

Girlfriend of alleged killer turns prosecution witness, says Jesus Gerardo confessed to triple murder… 

The man accused of killing two Australian brothers Jake and Callum Robinson and their American pal Jack Carter Rhoad has appeared in an Ensenada court charged with kidnapping, although the charges are now expected to be upgraded to murder after his girl turned prosecution witness. 

Last week, the bodies of the three surfers were found dumped in a fifty-foot well in Baja, California, four miles from where they were shot dead and their tents burned.

Mexican cops ID’d three people as suspects in the killings, two of ‘em caught with meth and, one, the woman who would turn proz witness, carrying one of the dead men’s phones. 

Jesus Gerardo aka El Kekas, which is slang for quesadillas, has a rap sheet for domestic violence, drug dealing and car theft. Appearing in an orange jump suit and with his hands and feet manacled to the floor, Jesus Gerado learned his gal, Ari Gisell, had told the cops he had admitted to the killings. 

According to the State’s case, his girl said Jesus Gerado arrived at her house on the Sunday after the killings and said, “I fucked up three gringos.” 

She asked what he meant and he said, “I killed them.” 

He then gave her one of the men’s phones and took her outside to show her the new tyres on his car, allegedly stolen from the surfers’ Chevy Colorado. 

The case continues.

"Magic carpets."

In the Hawaiian winter of 1995, the two world title combatants Rob Machado and Kelly Slater called a momentary truce in their crucial semi-final when the pair slapped palms after a Machado tube. 

Of course, cynics were quick to claim that Kelly Slater swiped at Machado’s paw to force his opponent to stay on the wave longer than necessary and lose priority and, therefore, the world title. 

I was there on the beach, as it happened, and it felt as if Slater was a cat carrying a dead bird in its mouth, eating his prey slowly, then licking himself clean. 

Fast forward almost thirty years and we find the Hollywood hunk Matthew McConaughey, who stunned surf fans last September with an inspirational speech to Griffin Colapinto prior to the kid’s world title showdown with Filipe Toledo and which contained a still-unexplained prophecy, recreating the famous event at the Kelly Slater Surf Ranch.

In a two-shot sequence posted on Matthew McConaughey’s official Instagram account, we first see the fifty-four-year-old with tail stiff and fur bristling steaming towards John John Florence, who has his arms raised.

Matthew McConaughey, wearing a black t-shirt that outlines a forceful torso and with blue shorts cradling his handsome glands, squats low and accepts John John Florence’s palm.

“Magic carpets,” writes McConaughey.

 

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