"OMG, imagine if I gave Slater a blowjob, my Mum
would be so stoked. She's a decade younger than him and still
thinks he's hot."
Let’s trot. So bossing the Changa is back in
Coolie. I’m trying with my boyfriend to hook
up a babe for a throuple, maybe a toasty Brazilian
stud if we can’t.
Sure, the bank is groomed, the waves have been really fun, and
if I get to give a few blowies or lick some fannies that will be
icing on the cake. I ran out of Olanzapine to trip out
the anorexic thoughts but if I have to be a mad slag to
survive, life is still grand.
Went on a shoot with X, horny slag herself, but rips.
OMG, the photog was a complete creepy cat. He tried to finger
bang me in the back of the changing room. I screamed and said,
“What the fuck dude, my boyfriend will fuck you up”.
He said he was sorry and made some lame arse excuse and bought
me and X Air Mails all night at the Rattlesnake.
Said he could get me a sponno with Rip Curl. Creepy dude is so full
of shit. So many dudes full of shit.
Still, ZX did a smoking little DJ set and I gave Ronnie (haha,
not his real name) a blowjob in the dunny after he gave me a little
bump. So fun. Still horny when I got home so I woke boyfriend up
with a blowjob and jumped on. Damn, I forgot how much the psych
meds gutted your sex drive. I feel like the horniest lioness on
earth.
Next morning we had breakfast at Haig
St, Kirra. I had pear and raspberry loaf and a flat
white. Felt like a fat cow, but whatever. X had a green bowl and a
Bloody Mary. What a pyscho!
We had to wait for the tide to drop to do a lap. Money was tight
but I knew I had more work in LA. I saw my agent the other day and
he told me they couldn’t get American girls because they were all
so fragile. I love the way he says it: “Sooo frah-jil.” He’s gay as
a lord but so lovely. Flew all the way to Australia from New York
to find some new girls. He said Australian girls had more spunk and
gave better blowjobs. How would he know, he’s probs a kai-kai
whippee!
So many babes on the bank. I’m psychotically competitive out
there. Had to break some creepy old guys wank dream when he was too
deep, just to get a set wave. The Number Eight Handle-me made me goes so sick
out there. Rosie and me had soo much fun. She dropped in on Slater.
He’s kind of gross and kind of hot still. I told Rosie she should
offer him a blowjob.
OMG, imagine if I gave Slater a blowjob, my Mum would be so
stoked. She’s a decade younger than him and still thinks he’s hot.
My Dad hates him, thinks he a total kook.
Dad tried to make it as a pro and never got off the Q-ey. Ended
up with a hefty credit card debt and a cocaine addiction. He lives
in Indo now. I don’t see much of him since he split with Mum, never
did really. He never once came to visit when I was in the mental
health unit. That made me sad. It makes me sad thinking of him, so
I don’t. He’s probably got some Indonesian girlfriend my age. Why
are guys are so freaking creepy and gross. So dog.
There’s that psycho bitch who tried to fuck my boyfriend while I
was sick. She is kind of hot I have to admit. Trying to get on the
Changa, I heard she gave a blowjob to X’s coach. What a slut. He’s
such a crusty old gross dude, too. So many creepy cats in the surf
industry.
I couldn’t do anything in the clinic anyway. Locked up in
Lismore for six weeks getting fed Fluoxetine and doing group
therapy every day. Mum would visit from Byron every few days. Least
I could listen to Billie Eilish and make lame psych ward Tik Toks
and finger bang the other chick in there. We were both so bored and
she was cute and a slut like me.
Maybe Aussie chicks are just as frah-jil as the american ones? I
don’t know. We’re all pretty fucked up in the head. Least I’m chill
now and not a psycho bitch like X.
Life’s pretty good, actually. I mean it’s OK. I still have to do
some shifts at the cafe in Coolangatta. The one run by Israelis.
The chef is rapey and sigma and the manager told me my dress was
too short and my boobs were too exposed the other day. What a
jealous, sex neggy bitch. I called the owner and told him I was
quitting and he begged me to stay so I guess I will for a bit.
Until I go overseas, at least. He’s a full cooker but it’s OK
money.
Maybe I’ll go back to uni when I get back. Fuck going back to
Melbourne though, shitty experience during lockdowns. So zesty, all
my friends came home. I could study here and surf every day, move
back in with Mum. I don’t really know and don’t really care. I’m
only 19 so no rush. Maybe I’ll even get back on the Q-ey. Maybe end
up in New York, the lesbian bars are great, immaculate vibes.
D-bah looked fun today but we surfed Snapper into Greenmount
again. The queen was out, omg I luv her so much. Such an angel
babe. If I could be one person it would be Steph Gilmore.
Sammy Pupo burned me but I tried to give him my number, I love
that little moustache and the grill. Hot doggy. I hope he wins the
comp. I feel horny as fuck because I am living in an existential
vacuum. I dunno. We’re all going to fry and sometimes life barely
seems worth living.
Like, what is the point of it? Forget about it, we’re all
fucked.
I’ll catch up for coffee at Vanilla Lily with Nadia, she wants
to start a biz selling jewellery and swimwear, with me. We could
set up in Bali and live in Canggu, sell the stuff back here at
markets and online.
It sounds pretty sick. A nice little life, for sure.
Still in Coolangatta now, though. Probably go watch
the Changa final
tomorrow. Have some fun at the Sands afterwards, grab a guy or babe
for a threesome.
Life’s alright if you don’t think about it too much, even when
you are off the meds.
(Editor’s note: Velouria Velveteen is the nom de plume
of a noted Coolangatta surfer, who wishes to remain reasonably
anonymous for pretty obvious reasons. This is her first piece for
BeachGrit.)
