“Sasha can duckdive a nine-six longboard. I’ve never seen a woman in my life duckdive a longboard. Never. That in itself is an advantage.” 

Now, before we begin, the usual caveat. The Sydney surfer, Avalon if you wanna be specific, Blaze Angel, hasn’t got a damn thing against any biological man who wants to switcharoo to womanhood. 

“I want to make it obvious, very clear, that I have nothing against transgender people in general. I’m a pretty nice person. I’ve got a transgender member of my family.” 

Blaze, who is twenty-two, even has “You Do You” tattooed on her upper torso.

But, when it comes to former men competing against the girls, well, having surfed against the celebrated, inspirational and, as her last Instagram post demonstrates, wildly glamourous trans-surfer Sasha Jane Lowerson, Blaze says there’s a few things you should know, and probably haven’t thought about. 

Like, paddle speed. 

“When I first met Sasha at the Noosa Festival of Surfing, I was quite intimidated, based on her size and stature. I’m five-foot-two…tiny!… and when we surfed against each other there was one situation when we were both paddling back out and we were in a paddle battle to get priority. She just absolutely zoomed past me and I was paddling my little heart out! But she zoomed past so quick and I was, whoa, I can’t compete with that. My little arms won’t go that quick.” 

And, duck diving. 

“Sasha can duckdive a nine-six longboard. I’ve never seen a woman in my life duckdive a longboard. Never. That in itself is an advantage.” 

Blaze says she’s beaten Sasha Jane Lowerson, who won the WA’s men’s state title in 2019 back when she was a he, a couple of times, but, more often, loses to her physically superior counterpart. 

“She’s knocked me out of contention for an Australian title twice now which is pretty frustrating. It’s discouraging for a lot of young girls. I’m old enough, I’m an adult, I can handle it. If I was a kid I’d have been so upset losing out on an Australian championship to a biological male.” 

Blaze Angel is a rarity  for calling, to use a hackneyed expression, a spade a spade. She says she’s had hundreds of positive comments, and a handful of nasty as hell messages, too, in response to her post on TikTok siding with Bethany Hamilton in the trans gals in surfing debate.

I ask her  if she believes there’s an undercurrent of opposition to transwomen in surf contests but other girls are too unafraid to give their opinion, publicly. 

“I’ve had so many messages, like, thank you for standing up for us, we’re too scared to do that because as soon as you say something you’re labelled transphobic. In particular, a couple of surfer girls reached out to me and said, ‘Hey, we competed against Sasha and lost the WAL state titles and we were really upset and didn’t know what to do and we’re scared to say anything. We have to face the facts, the testosterone levels, even at the WSL-ISA approved levels, are still so much higher than that of females. And that causes unfair advantages.”

So many sides to story!

“We were ambushed by Sasha Jane Lowerson and Sabrina Brennan from Surf Equity. They had a plan to destroy and create chaos."

Tears and jeers and whatever else two weeks back when it was claimed surfing’s only transgender competitor Sasha Jane Lowerson had been banned from entering the women’s div of a longboard contest in Huntington Beach. 

Sasha Jane Lowerson, as I like to remind you backward bastards, was one of Australia’s leading male longboarders, even winning the men’s longboard div as Ryan Egan before transitioning four years ago and joining the women’s side of the draw, enjoying much success and approval etc.

American Longboarding’s Todd Messick isn’t real into the trans schtick, howevers.

In a piece to camera on X on April 25, he said he was going to support “biological males and biological females in their divisions respectively. If you were born a female, you enter in the women’s. If you’re born a male, you enter in the men’s”. 

Sasha Jane Lowerson, who was fresh from facial feminisation surgery in Cordoba, Argentina, a radical procedures that gussies up the hard-edged male face and turns it into something real pretty, posted a lengthy screed on Instagram calling Messick’s decision “shameful and shady”.

As I walk my journey through the turmoil and the implications of people that want to spread misinformation, I’ve found myself wondering why? Just why to people hate me for existing!

And, in a long piece, the LA Times wrote, “Sasha Jane Lowerson just wanted to surf.“

But now! Oh yes, now! 

Messick has gone back on X to explain that Sasha Jane Lowerson…didn’t…produce any paperwork showing her WSL/ISA-approved levels of T, which is still double that of a pre-menopausal female, and that all of us media schmucks were fooled by that freewheeling game of intersectionality  warfare that renders most of us mute.

“You’ve all been lied to, each and every one of you,” says Messick. 

“Every news channel, every agency, every report that’s been pushing on this has lied to you. And there’s an agenda, there’s a false narrative going on by the 1%. We’ve been ambushed.

“We were ambushed by Sasha Jane Lowerson and Sabrina Brennan from Surf Equity. They had a plan, they had a setup, and the reality is it was meant to destroy and create chaos and create division and confusion. 

“And I’m here to clarify any kind of confusion.

“We made a statement on the 25th of April stating that we were in line with the ISA and WSL policies, and that we also demanded that if you were a biological male or female, that you’d enter into your own classes, respectively. We asked that Sasha Jane Lowerson provide us the paperwork, her or any other trans athlete that wanted to enter our event…

“We heard a lot of complaints, there was a lot of lies being put out about what was and wasn’t said. And I’m here to assure everybody that we have made an equal, open playing field for all athletes and that you as a transgender athlete, if you qualify with those guidelines under ISA-WSL  policy, that you would qualify.

“Let me just make clear that we made  our statement for the protection of female athletes, for mothers, daughters,  granddaughters, for the future and the well-being and the protection of females. Period. There is no other reason that we’re doing this. Okay?  So for anybody to spin this around, turn this around, saying that we’re doing this for this, that, or the other, it’s for equality. It’s for acceptance as human beings.  

“Now this trans agenda that’s going down is absolutely absurd in my opinion. It is not science. It is not fact. We’re going off of emotions and what people identify as. Listen, I can identify as the man of the moon and until I can prove paperwork that would  say otherwise, I’m a human being. I‘m a biological male. That’s science, that’s fact as much as I choose to think otherwise.  

“So that’s how we’re sticking at it. The ISA-WSL rules allow testosterone levels two times higher than the average pre-menstrual  (actually pre-menopausal) female. That’s unacceptable and that’s unfair. So what we’re demanding, what we’re changing, our new policy, is we’re asking that the WSL, ISA and the Olympic Committee all follow this policy.  

“It falls right in line with the California Athletic Commission saying that if you’re a transgender athlete,  you would have had to be in hormonal therapy  for two years under the radar and that your levels must be equal  to the average premenstrual (pre-menopausal) female. Now that is accurate and that is fair. Equal to, equal to, okay?  

“And for the record, for a biological male to get to that level, it is almost impossible.  And for that reason, we are putting this into play and into writing to state the fact that the strength advantage and that alone is the reason why this whole controversy is in effect.  

“So you take out the strength, you take out that testosterone down to a level where it’s  equal to a female, then that’s an equal playing field.  And until we get to an equal playing field, there’s no reason to continue to talk about  this until we start seeing athletes that actually qualify under this agenda, under these regulations, there’s nothing to talk about. We keep spinning this whole thing out and this narrative and all it is doing is creating division.

“Please do not be distracted by these news channels that are trying to  destroy us, that are trying to keep us confused, okay?”

Well? Fair play?

And what next in this sexy lil saga?

WE GOT LIED TO BY THE NEWS about the American longboard association !

Loved what he said here. Protect women! pic.twitter.com/PthdYkb9RN

— 🌷 LIZZIE🌷REFORMED (@farmingandJesus) May 14, 2024

"The female version of Medina is born."

Canadian surf prodigy Erin Brooks has closed off a dominant Aussie leg of the Challenger Series in Sydney with a second-place finish, a big rankings lead and a declaration she’ll be spearheading generational on the women’s Championship Tour.

After winning the first CS event of the season and stunning the world with best barrel ever by a woman, Brooks slaughtered the field in the GWM Sydney Surf Pro with her signature combination of quick snaps, solid airs and big Bible camp energy.

Every post-heat interview began with her high-pitched thanks to the Almighty for letting her wreak mayhem in her heat.

Ronnie Blakey went straight for the jugular in her podium interview, asking Erin Brooks whether she would compete on the CT next year if she wins a spot.

She grinned with all 28 perfect teeth and said she would “definitely take up the opportunity”.

As one viewer put it in the comments framing vision of her near-540, “The female version of Medina is born.”

 

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Dear reader,

Erin Brooks needs only one more decent result out of four remaining events to lock her place on the 2025 CT.

Barring injury, it’s a given.

When it does happen, we can look forward to the great rivalry between Brooks and Oceanside’s Caitlin Simmers, one that will come with a stark contrast between Caity’s awkward yet iconic stonerish murmurings and Erin’s even more awkward enthusiastic Christian youth group-themed gushings.

The interviewers had their angles on Erin Brooks locked in from the word go, knowing exactly what line of questioning would get her to drop squeaky gems of innocence.

Stace Galbraith put on a masterclass at Snapper, asking Brooks about her love of the Aussie arcade chain Timezone and, when she won, prompting her to spill the beans on her dad’s plan to “take me and my friends out for pizza!!!”

As for her surfing, the highlight in Sydney was Brooks’ near 540 in the semifinals, surely one of the better airs landed by a lady in competition.

She couldn’t recapture the magic during the final, but she succeeded in freaking out her opponent by boosting on section after section at the close of the heat, knowing a single completion could steal the win in the dying seconds.

And who was that opponent, the one who took out the event? Brooks’ bff/’big sister’/roommate Isabella Nicholls (who, Brooks says, absolutely rules the Timezone Pop-A-Shot nets).

Nicholls managed to win the final with good wave selection and solid backhand hacks, making up for her meh performance against Sally Fitz in the semis. Nicholls victory puts her in second place on the CS rankings and on course to requalify for the 2025 CT season.

Meanwhile, local surfer Jordy Lawler and Brazilian vet Alejo Muniz revived their broken CT dreams with their best ever results on the CS. Jordy Lawler said he was on the point of giving up the chase for qualification after missing out on a fulltime place on the CS this year.

Thanks to a wildcard entry into the event at his local break of North Narrabeen, Lawler was able to dominate and win with his tweaked-out airs and smooth hacks. The North Narrabeen Boardriders roared their approval as their latest favourite son pulled out big scores at the buzzer time and time again. Lawler is now all but guaranteed wildcard places in the remaining CS events, giving him a solid chance at qualifying for the CT for the first time at the harvest years age of 29.

A casual fan might be tempted to gossip that the WSL had given the judges a memo to favour the local guys, what with Mikey McDonagh tearfully taking out the Bonsoy Gold Coast Pro Snapper earlier this month. Of course, if you actually watched either event you’d have seen that neither of them needed any help from crooked judges: they smashed it out of the park on their own merits, albeit buoyed by local support and knowledge of their home breaks.

Alejo Muniz similarly missed out on qualifying for the CS via the usual pathway of the regional QS, but received a wildcard from the WSL that got him back in with a chance. Muniz’s backhand power surfing took out CS standout Sammy Pupo in the quarters and elder brother Miggy Pupo in the Semis. Muniz kept close in the final and was well deserving of the second-place finish.

The Challenger Series is on a break now until the Ballito Pro in early July, but what a start it’s been. If you’ve been suffering your way through the start of the CT season, watching the boring Days 1 and 2 (where they take 24 heats to knock out just 6 surfers), enduring the crap conditions they’ve been making the surfers compete it (especially the poor women), maybe give the CS a look next time it’s on. The waves generally aren’t any worse, every heat matters, the talent pool is deep and there’s real excitement to be found in watching people grab hold of the dream of CT qualification.

Did you watch the Sydney Surf Pro?

Did you rue the lack of a BG comments board on which to lavish your observations/shitposts?

Did you not watch but have opinions anyway?