Sigh.
Now, I’ve always looked askance at those folk who glow after receiving some positive word from Kelly Slater. A comment, say, on a social media feed or a stray bit of conversation while the greatest surfer ever goes hither or thither. These folk suddenly transform, shaking, glee bubbling up in hearts that is generally followed by a gushing bit of praise for the 11x champion.
“Pshaw,” I mutter to myself. “Who cares. He’s only flesh, blood and professional surfing singlet. No different than Brett Simpson or CJ Hobgood, really.
Last night, though, everything changed as my own heart bubbled with glee. For you certainly read the piece Wall Street Explodes as “Age-Defying Biohacker” Kelly Slater Introduces New Skincare Line which introduced Freaks of Nature to the BeachGrit community. While it was very well crafted, thoughtful etc. I did not except much from it and so when a “thank you” from the firm managing Freaks of Nature roll-out popped into my inbox, I was lightly surprised.
Surprise turned to a giddy flush when I read the first line.
“Thank you SO much for the wonderful feature on Freaks of Nature’s launch. The team, including Kelly, is THRILLED!”
Wait.
Kelly Slater is THRILLED?
I immediately responded, trying to breathe evenly and control myself, penning, “Are you sure Kelly is thrilled?”
I did not hear anything back but crazy gonna crazy and I could not help but imagine a future just over the horizon where he and I were friends. My dreams, that night, were positively technicolor. It was me, sitting in the Surf Ranch hot tub instead of Selema Masekela, eating rich protein bars and phone ringing. Having Derek Rielly rummage through my plus-sized clothing, answer and having it be Slater on the other end.
Alas, this morning all was dashed when clarification from the wonderful PR maven reading, “Yes – the team is happy with the piece.”
No “including Kelly.”
A heavy crash landing in reality.
Sigh.
Journalist? uh…
Get stirling spencers kelly to call.
It’s OK. I empathise. Being Head butted & Dog shotted is par for course for Troubadour Liberates like Chaz & I. Bloody Nose M.C’s & Poets. 🤷🏼♂️👍🏻
Where’s the open thread?
I need to put others down to make myself feel better
I’d guess Miley Dyers Eve has Extorted, threatened or procured Chaz $1000 of Piss, for Chat to cease & desist. 😭
This bot cunt’s fucked
I didn’t know I was related to Optimus Prime. & “That’s about the thanks I get.” Irishish Cube.
Go home Pauly, you’re drunk
It’s fucken Dane. You cunts all wanted him back. Deal with it.
geez, you on the bleed love
I guess that did come off a little cranky. I apologise.
Accepted
you just want to be able to say cunt
cunt oath
I came here for the open thread and all I found was another update on the last 3 updates about the murdered surfers in Mexico.
Vegan sunscreen, slightly cheaper than a brand new Walmart soft top……decisions…
You should get Kelly’s face tattoo’d on the other side of your neck.
Or a tattoo of Kelly impaled on the currently existing hook.
Come on Chas, sorry to break it to ya, but that was an automatic AI email (and reply) you received.
There is NO WAY Kelly would’ve let a real person tell you they liked anything to do with BG.
I mean, come on…
How come you don’t set up an
@KellySlater (Parody) IG account?
Discontinue the lithium
You sure do know how to buoy a man!
Why u have 2 twitter accounts?
Do I?
@surfjournalist is yours too isn’t it?
Stapleberg on KS, The J-Bay Classic, the vital role of the WSL to save impoverished surf communities:
The list of invitees is pretty impressive. Is Kelly Slater actually going to compete?
Kelly said he is definitely interested in coming, but he just wants to be tentative for now because
of the fact that he’s monitoring how Kalani (his partner) goes with her pregnancy. If everything’s looking good, then he plans to come over as well.
Is it safe to say that the goal of the event is not financially motivated, but just to keep the legacy going?
It’s definitely not financially motivated. It’s to shore up the future of the event, but also to
certainly provide some security for the local community. The two biggest seasons for the businesses in Jeffreys Bay and the surrounding area is over Christmas/New Year’s and when the J-Bay event goes on. For them it was a big consideration. They were really concerned that nothing was happening over the key pivotal times of the year. That was a commitment
from the WSL to the local community and, obviously, our existing sponsors that were involved in that event or brought into it as well.
(Inertian sources)
Come on Chas, ask the “When you say ‘the team’ is happy, that means that Kelly personally reviewed the article and is happy about its contents and its author, right?” follow-up question.
I don’t know if I can take any more let down but heading back in. More as the story develops.
more as the *non-story develops
don’t go so heavy on the Saturation when it comes to monochrome
It’s moody. Like me.
brilliant Emotionally Pixelated imagery.