Surf fans crushed after revelation Anthony Kiedis’ much younger Brazilian model-girlfriend not real

went to relieve myself under the bridge…so Anthony: “what do you say?”

The Curse of Lono

A Bantam Book / November 1983
Grateful acknowledgment is made lo’the Following for permission lo quole from copyrighted material:
om The Las! Voyage of Captain James Conk by Richard Hough, copyright © 1979 by Richard Hough. Used by permission of William Morrow & Co.. Inc., and Macmillan London Limited.
From Hawaiian Monarchy, The Romantic Years by Maxine Mrantz,
“The Law of the Splintered Oar” copyright © 1974 by Maxinc Mrantz.
Used by permission of Aloha Graphics & Sales, Inc.
From “Hula Hula Boys” by Warren Zevon, Lyrics reprinted permission of Zevon Music (BMI). Copyright & 1982 by Zevon Music.
Text copyright © 1983 by Hunter S. Thompson Illustrations copyright ® 1983 by Ralph Steadman
All rights reserved. ‘ ,
Produced by Lai la Nabulsi
Book design by Yaron Fldlcr.
This book may not be reproduced in whole or in part, by
mimeograph or any other means, without permission.
For information address: Bantam Books, Int.
Library of Congress Cataloging In Publication Data
Thompson, Hunter S. The curse of Lono.
i. Thompson, Hunter, S. 2. Journalists—United Slates—Biography..
3. Hawaii—Description and travel—1981- . I. Steadman, Ralph. II. Title.
PN4874.T444A33 1983 07p’.92’4 [B] , 83-90660
ISBN 0-553-01387-4 (pbk.)
Published simultaneously in the United States and Canada

*****
Now it is not good for the Christian’s health to hustle the
Arian brown, For the Christian riles, and the Arian smiles, and it weareth
the Christian down;
And the end of the fight is a tombstone white with the name
of the late deceased, And the epitaph drear: ‘A Fool lies here who tried to hustle
the East.’
Rudyard Kipling “The Naulahka”

*****

The Romantic God Lono
I have been writing a good deal, of late, about the great god Lono and Captain Cook’s personation of him. Now, while I am here in Lono’s home, upon ground which his terrible feet have trodden in remote ages—unless these natives lie, and they would hardly do that I suppose—I might as well tell who he was.
The idol the natives worshipped for him was a slender un-ornamented staff twelve feet long. Unpoetical history says he was a favorite god on the island of Hawaii—a great king who had been deified for meritorious services—just our fashion of rewarding heroes, with the difference that we would have made him a postmaster instead of a god, no doubt. In an angry moment he slew his wife, a goddess named Kaikilani Alii. Remorse of con­science drove him mad, and tradition presents us the singular spectacle of a god traveling “on the shoulder”; for in his gnawing grief he wandered about from place to place, boxing and wres­tling with all whom he met. Of course this pastime soon lost its novelty, inasmuch as it must necessarily have been the case that when so powerful a deity sent a frail human opponent “to grass,” he never came back anymore. Therefore he instituted games called makahiki, and ordered that they should be held in his honor, and then sailed for foreign lands on a three-cornered raft, stating that he would return some day, and that was the last of Lono. He was never seen anymore; his raft got swamped perhaps. But the peo­ple always expected his return, and they were easily led to accept Captain Cook as the restored god.

Mark Twain Letters from Hawaii