Surf forecasting website reveals shock
reason Olympic surfing to be conducted in Tahiti not Europe
By Chas Smith
"What is this madness?"
Where would we be without Surfline? The wave
forecasting company, which began as a humble phone in line nearly
40 years ago, has truly changed what it means to be a surfer. In
the past times, the aforementioned would have to drive around in
order to see waves with their own eyes. The smarter set might
figure out how to read meteorological data but most were lost in a
caveman-esque cave of unknowing before going.
Now, surfers can merely log on to computers, pay a fee and be
treated to live cameras of their favorite spots, spots that they
might be thinking about visiting, even spots voyeuristically
interesting but too intimidating to paddle. Like Teahupo’o for
small wave Brazilian wizard Filipe Toledo, for example,
Well, as it happens, and as the surf fan certainly knows, the
surfing component of the Olympics will be held at Head Place in
mere weeks. It is the only event to be held outside of Europe and
Surfline just revealed the shock reason why.
Kurt Korte is Surfline’s VP of Forecasting explains in
straightforward terms, “France gets good surf, even epic surf like
we saw last October at the Quiksilver Festival. The timing of the
Olympics, however, isn’t ideal. The months of July and August are
typically slower for surf because the dominant storm track over the
North Atlantic retreats northward and weakens some during the
summer months. This significantly lowers the chances of quality
surf in France. So to maximize the chances of scoring good surf
during the event window, Olympic organizers realized the best
option was Tahiti.”
Stunned surf fans trying to decipher the meaning. Utterly
confused as to why information on where and when swell arrive was
factored in to a decision about competitive surfing.
Strange days.
Strange days indeed.
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Surfing icon Shane Dorian offers epic
$48,000 four-day surf camp on Costa Rica’s magical Nicoya
Peninsula!
By Derek Rielly
“Personal instruction from world-champion surfer
and head coach of the U.S. Olympic surf team, Shane Dorian.”
Now, the daddy to teen heartthrob Jackson Dorian and former
world number four is offering surfers “four days of wellness” at
the wildly luxurious Casa Chameleon resort in Costa Rica.
For $48,000, or $12,000 per day, although the package only
includes three days of surf lessons, you’ll receive “personal
instruction from world-champion surfer and head coach of the US
Olympic surf team”, you’ll “learn the lessons of longevity in the
Blue Zone”, some spa treatments are included and if surfing under
Shane Dorian’s tutelage starts to get old other activities include
jungle zip lines, hikes and horseback riding on the
beach.
The spiel is compelling, although what world title Doz won is
unclear.
If you’re a surfer of any caliber, you know Shane Dorian.
The Hawaii-based world champion and head coach of the 2024 U.S.
Olympic surf team is one of the world’s best big-wave riders—that’s
a swell reaching 20 feet high or greater. For four nights and three
days, he’ll be your personal instructor, teaching you his
techniques via hands-on lessons in the waters off the coast of
Costa Rica’s Nicoya Peninsula.
This region is one of the world’s Blue Zones, renowned for
the longevity of its locals thanks to their active, healthy
lifestyles; in Costa Rica, it’s as much about mind as body, keeping
positive and relaxed in a permanent state of pura vida. That’s all
part of the experience at the Casa Chameleon
at Las Catalinas resort, a 21-villa property that will be your
base for this adventure; the modern rooms, each at least 720 square
feet in size, all have their own private infinity-edge plunge pool.
You can unwind there in between surf sessions or opt to explore on
land: The resort has a 2,250-foot zip line through the jungle, as
well as a herd of horses to go riding on the beach. Even better,
consider a hike through the rainforests of the nearby Tenorio
volcano via its three hanging bridges.
When you need a break from such exertions, there’s an
on-site spa, or you can practice elasticity yoga and meditation
alfresco amid the tropical breeze.
Kanye West to take $18 million hit after
failed renovation “disembowels” iconic Tadao Ando Malibu
house!
By Derek Rielly
“Kanye West bought an architectural treasure
– then gave it a violent remix.”
The Chicago-born chanteur and fiddler of studio knobs,
Kanye West, latterly known as Ye, is set to piss away roughly
twenty mill after his troubled three-year renovation of an
iconic Tadao Ando house in Malibu was stopped by city authorities
and Ye figured maybe easier just to sell the joint.
Ye, who is forty-seven, was once married to the billionairess
Kim Kardashian but now prefers the company of Melbourne architect
Bianca Censori, famous for crotch-revving curves that surpass even
his ex-wife.
The Tadao Ando Malibu House, which he bought for fifty-seven
mill in 2021, became, for a time at least, an experiment where Ye
indulged his fascination for architecture alongside his new gal’s
university-honed skills.
In a just published story in the New
Yorker, Ian Parker tells the compelling saga of Ye
buying the joint from financier Richard Sachs, who originally
wanted seventy-five mill for the house – and employing a cowboy
tradesman called Tony Saxon to sleep in the place while
simultaneously destroying it, eventually re-listing it for sale at
$39 mill.
According to Saxon, Ye told him, “I’ve heard a lot about
you. You’re like a hurricane! I like you. I like your style.” As
they walked through the stripped rooms, Ye kept asking, “You got
this out? You did this?”
He began to describe his plans for the house. Saxon asked,
“Are you telling me this hypothetically, or do you want me to do
it?” Ye wanted him to do it. As Saxon saw it, “He was so sick of
everyone around him.” Saxon demurred; he didn’t have a company or a
license. He was just a dude with a minivan and some stamina. “But
he goes, ‘You can do it! Don’t give me that. You can do this! Don’t
say no!’ ” Recalling this, Saxon laughed. “Some inspiring
shit!”
Saxon warmed to Ye, and not just because of the flattery.
“I’m not in any way familiar with his music,” he told me. “But I
kind of got him. We are very similar in a lot of ways.” Saxon had
been given his own bipolar diagnosis and detected in Ye some
similar behaviors. Later, after they got to know each other a
little, Saxon brought this up. “I’m, like, ‘Are you on medication
for it? I just started taking it a couple of months ago, and it
fucking helped me.’ ”
Ye suggested that Saxon wear black and told him to be
discreet: there were no permits for work on the house. Saxon’s
storytelling, like Ye’s, can digress, and his experience on Malibu
Road, which lasted about six weeks, is now the subject of his
lawsuit, which centers on alleged underpayment and a back injury.
But the outline of events is clear, and many of the details are
confirmed by photographs and messages archived on Saxon’s phone.
Within a few days of that first meeting, Saxon had become something
much closer to a project leader than to a day laborer.
He helped assemble a small crew by enlisting people he knew
and a few outside contractors who’d been working at the house when
he showed up. Starting on the day he met Ye, Saxon didn’t go home
forseveral weeks. He found a mattress at the house; a
friend later brought him some clothing in a trash bag, and his
guitar. Saxon began taking the house apart. Saxon’s videos include one in which he’s helping topple one of
the chimneys. Another shows someone swinging a hammer at a
bathroom’s black-and-white marble walls. A third demonstrates how a
handsome glass balustrade, the kind you’re almost bound to find in
a modern museum, shatters into windshield fragments when you tap
its corner with a sledgehammer. In a fourth, Saxon and another man
are demolishing the hot tub with two jackhammers.
Barstool Sports continues Bethany Hamilton
pile on, declaring: “If you buy shark repellent from one-armed
surfer, you deserve to be bitten”
By Chas Smith
"Fingers crossed Bethany Hamilton doesn't lose any
more limbs while wearing your ankle magnet."
Iconic surfer Bethany Hamilton came under heavy
fire, days ago, for promoting shark repellent bracelet system
Sharkbanz following a horrific attack in Florida that left a
teenage girl without a leg or hand. What should have been an
innocuous post reading “Sharkbanz are designed to help you overcome
your fear of sharks 🦈 and to minimize the risk!” was, instead,
delivered to the mob who readied the
rail that would carry the mother of four, and shark
attack survivor herself, out of town.
Commenters denounced her for “capitalizing on fear. Others
slammed her for “those scam bracelets that supposedly give some
good vibes in your life.” An underwater photographer sneered that
Sharkbanz are “great for a false sense of security,” adding that an
underwater photographer friend hand fed sharks while wearing
one.
The piece begins with an introduction to Hamilton’s story before
pivoting to Sharkbanz, ridiculing both, and then ending:
But again.. if you’re a surfer who bought this product. If
you saw that of all people Bethany Hamilton had one, and you
thought to yourself, “Well if she says it works I’m sure it’s
safe!”… you can’t be surprised when you’re instantly flanked by a
family of Great Whites.
The people at Sharkbanz must wake up laughing. They’re
selling $128 magnets. When they founded Sharkbanz back in 2014 they
probably didn’t expect it to last more than 6 months. But then
people just kept buying their fucking magnets.
“And then, we hired Bethany Fucking Hamilton as are
spokesperson. The literal face of being attacked by a shark. And
they’re STILL buying them!”
Fingers crossed Bethany Hamilton doesn’t lose any more limbs
while wearing your ankle magnet. I’m not sure if your business
would be able to survive that one.
Rude.
No?
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Former television star comes under fire for
naming son after famous professional surfer
By Chas Smith
"You know he's never going to win a World Surf
League Championship Tour event now, don't you?"
There was once a musical comedy on Fox
television called Glee. In it, actors, playing high school
students, used the songs of Journey and Bonnie Tyler to help them
through their struggles with their sexuality. There were many stars
including Lea Michele, Mark Salling and Darren Criss who brought
Blaine Anderson to life. First appearing in season two, Criss
performed “Teenage Dream” by Katy Perry and was so popular that
show creators paired him with the much-loved bullied gay character
Kurt.
The two were later married.
Offscreen, the classically handsome 37-year-old is married to a
woman named Mia, the two just welcoming their second child, a
son.
And this is where our trouble begins. Criss and wife introduced
the boy on Instagram, as couples do, declaring that he had named
his son after famous professional surfer Kolohe Andino.
“M & D (Mia and Darren) just delivered their follow-up single.
Brother László Criss. 6/3/24. And yes his first name is Brother
💛.”
“Darren… I adore you… But you just doomed your kid to mockery
for the rest of his life,” one fan penned.
“If you need to say ‘yes his name really is…’ chances are you
picked a bad name. The future girlfriend/boyfriend is gonna be
calling him Brother,” another added.
Twisting the knife, a third declared, “You know he’s never going
to win a World Surf League Championship Tour event now, don’t
you?”
Criss, thus far, has maintained his silence but I think Brother
is as fine a name as any and should be considered by our
own Surf ads as he embarks upon his own journey.