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Bethany Hamilton (pictured) in Sharkbanz anklet.
Bethany Hamilton (pictured) in Sharkbanz anklet.

Barstool Sports continues Bethany Hamilton pile on, declaring: “If you buy shark repellent from one-armed surfer, you deserve to be bitten”

"Fingers crossed Bethany Hamilton doesn't lose any more limbs while wearing your ankle magnet."

Iconic surfer Bethany Hamilton came under heavy fire, days ago, for promoting shark repellent bracelet system Sharkbanz following a horrific attack in Florida that left a teenage girl without a leg or hand. What should have been an innocuous post reading “Sharkbanz are designed to help you overcome your fear of sharks 🦈 and to minimize the risk!” was, instead, delivered to the mob who readied the rail that would carry the mother of four, and shark attack survivor herself, out of town.

Commenters denounced her for “capitalizing on fear. Others slammed her for “those scam bracelets that supposedly give some good vibes in your life.” An underwater photographer sneered that Sharkbanz are “great for a false sense of security,” adding that an underwater photographer friend hand fed sharks while wearing one.

Now, snarky sport network Barstool Sports has weighed in, declaring, “If You Purchase A “Shark Repellent” Band From One-Armed Surfer Bethany Hamilton, You Kind of Deserve To Be Bitten By A Shark.”

The piece begins with an introduction to Hamilton’s story before pivoting to Sharkbanz, ridiculing both, and then ending:

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But again.. if you’re a surfer who bought this product. If you saw that of all people Bethany Hamilton had one, and you thought to yourself, “Well if she says it works I’m sure it’s safe!”… you can’t be surprised when you’re instantly flanked by a family of Great Whites.

The people at Sharkbanz must wake up laughing. They’re selling $128 magnets. When they founded Sharkbanz back in 2014 they probably didn’t expect it to last more than 6 months. But then people just kept buying their fucking magnets.

“And then, we hired Bethany Fucking Hamilton as are spokesperson. The literal face of being attacked by a shark. And they’re STILL buying them!”

Fingers crossed Bethany Hamilton doesn’t lose any more limbs while wearing your ankle magnet. I’m not sure if your business would be able to survive that one.

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Rude.

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42 Comments
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tim_nelsen

lost me multi-colored glasses….need emoji’s…a badge may help!

Dogsnuts

Very shortly manicured guitar nails have me always ready to pounce!
Xox

tim_nelsen

got a sting pick…from a robin trower concert…nearly killed the whole project/

tim_nelsen
munnstrosity

Cheers!

tim_nelsen

put dat in cartoon form and submit…we know your name~

No Feelings
Jon

Not everything, surely?

Jon

True for crimes against humanity, of course. But meant scum of the earth in the context of choice of subject to ridicule with. Preying on fears to sell a product, low, yup… reminds me of Marilyn Manson’s ‘fear and consumption ‘ interview in Bowling for Columbine.
Some shark repellants do work better than others. Suppose it could be said that they prey on people’s fears to make their money too, but it is just a pity that Bethany chose the most unreliable of products.

Kama'aina

Mahalo

Keith Grace

Can this please be the last time we ever see anything to do with Bartstool Sports here? Bethany will be just fine.

Gil Gunderson

Sharkbanz, aisle 54, bay 9, right next to the left handed screw drivers, diesel spark plugs, blinker fluid and hammer grease.

Sean Connery

And 2″ x 4″ extender

Dogsnuts

Haha. 100 percent straight here but open to being tested.
Xox

tim_nelsen

lab results…please share. herpes?

deeks

I won’t have it ! I just won’t. When I witnessed Hamilton paddle into a restaurants wave and get up with ONE ARM !? It was mindfuckery . Fuck jesus and she’s got a great arse for a mum

Sellme fitzgobbins

Shame she talks out of it

deeks

No no that’s jeeeezus talkin

Otto

US Olympic Trials for Swimming are being held in Lucas Oil Stadium. Home of the Indianapolis Colts. A football stadium. They put two pools in there. Olympic size swimming pools. For Ziff, this provides proof of concept. You can in fact place a KS Wave Pool/WSL Surf Ranch inside an existing football stadium. Years ago I commented that they’d use decommissioned football stadiums to do this. Surely there’s more to talk about this development

justiceminister

Using BH the message being promoted is if you don’t wear a Sharkbanz this is what could happen to you. Fear sells.

Repenter

I wasn’t wearing shark bandz and look what happened to me. Now I wear shark bandz and look what doest happen to me.

Ramathorn

Our*. You snarky cunts

Cuntry Singer

She has great boobs. And they arent wrong, the marketing team should have thought this one out better. Cunts.

tim_nelsen

bethany, after a beverly hills makeover and first to tackle a tiger shark…or not…luv Christian…

https://scontent-sjc3-1.xx….

Gil Gunderson

You luv beaver 🦫

tim_nelsen

am being to hard on it?

Beef & Beer

I can’t believe they blocked my thing from a few hours ago
Oh well, here’s the shot without the schpiel…

https://uploads.disquscdn.c…

Derek Hynd's Missing Fins

Jon got captured by Charlie’s shark bait.

deeks

He does burley very effectively

Jon

Ayyyyy, guilty.


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