"We as Americans must stand together to reject this anti-freedom culture of political retaliation and abuse of power."

Oh to be The Inertia, to know that every position taken is the right one, or rather the left one, but profoundly correct. After basing itself on the sloppily liberal Huffington Post, founder Zach Weisberg has continued the brave tradition of pearl-clutching outrage, progressive tail wagging and never, not ever, entertaining the dark side.

You can imagine the horror in the “definitive voice of surf” home offices today after one-time darling Tulsi Gabbard officially endorsed Donald J. Trump for president.

The former Democratic representative from the State of Hawaii was instantly embraced by The Inertia as the “surfing congresswoman who could actually save our environment” and invited as keynote speaker of the soy-heavy EVOLVE summit that promised to “unite the brightest minds in surf and outdoors.”

Gabbard capped off an certainly incredibly weekend, back in 2018, featuring Selema Masekela, the aforementioned Weisberg and the WSL’s Reece Pacheco.

Interns busily scrubbing the internet, then, after Gabbard grabbed the mic at the National Guard conference, today, to declare, “We as Americans must stand together to reject this anti-freedom culture of political retaliation and abuse of power. We can’t allow our country to be destroyed by politicians who will put their own power ahead of the interests of the American people, our freedom, and our future. I am proud to stand here before you today, whether you’re a Democrat, a Republican or an Independent. If you love our country, as I do, if you cherish peace and freedom as we do, I invite you to join me in doing all that we can to save our country and elect President Donald J. Trump and send him back to the White House to do the tough work of saving our country and serving the people.”

Zach Weisberg currently in the fetal position in his home office.

Asking his little statue of Jimmy Kimmel where it all went wrong.

More as the story develops.

Indonesia vs. the world.

"The good 'ol Gold Coast days when I was into surfer boys!!"

The main question exploding over the surf world, in the wake of Jennifer Lopez becoming freshly single, is have surfers lost our sexy? There was a time, not terribly long ago, when the likes of Kelly Slater, Joel Parkinson, Julian Wilson and Jordy Smith moonlit as pin-ups, Teen Beat pictorials lovingly clipped out and mounted on wall. Surfers regularly toped firemen and boy banders as “must-have arm candy” for any woman in the know.

Alas, neither highly eligible Griffin Colapinto nor Gabriel Medina were even given silly odds to win Lopez’s hand.

And as if to rub the cratered appeal right in, Australia’s wildly popular radio host Jackie O has just published a thirst trap photo of a young Mark Occhilupo to her much-trafficked Instagram account.

O, whose last name is Henderson and described as a “Sydney socialite that has been married twice and shares a teenage daughter with her second husband who she split from in October 2018,” is the voice of Australian morning radio, recently signing a $100 million AUD deal to continue delighting commuters on the way to their various prisons.

Now, 49, the host shared the photo of Occy with, penning, “Going through some pics for my memoirs!! The good ‘ol Gold Coast days when I was into surfer boys!!”

The august Daily Mail, sizing up Henderson and Occhilupo’s looks, declared, “With a simple chain around her neck, Jackie looked completely fresh faced without a lick of makeup in sight as the pair appeared to be standing in a very windy location. Meanwhile, Occy rocked his usual long sandy locks along with a bright pink jumper which made him stand out in the photo.”

Surfers, though, not fully able to appreciate Occ’s sartorial win as the phrase “…when I was into surfer boys…” echoing painfully.

Good ol’ days …when…

…when…

…when…

Light a candle today, please, for surfer heartthrob stock.

Julian Wilson can’t come back fast enough.