Hurricane Helene's carrot before stick. Photo: Instagram/Deluna_Vision
Hurricane Helene's carrot before stick. Photo: Instagram/Deluna_Vision

Hurricane Helene transforms Florida’s Gulf Coast into surfers’ paradise ahead of landfall

Fortune favors the bold.

Hurricane Helene made landfall near Perry, Florida as a Category 4 storm, overnight, carrying with it gusty 140 mph winds. It was the first such storm to hit the Sunshine State’s “big bend” region, where the dangly bit connects back with the contiguous 48 states there on the gulf side, since 1851.

Millions are without power with at least four fatality reported thus far. Schools, airports, roads and businesses are all closed.

Before the wild destruction, though, Helene graced the normally placid Gulf Coast with waves so gorgeous, so utterly perfect, as to transform the Redneck Riviera into a veritable surfers’ paradise.

Shayne Dye, who hails from Pensacola Beach, was there to capture the action, declaring, “Over 3k photos and 100gb of footage today! Yea #hurricanehelene was good to us.”

Gorgeous lefts streaming in, stacking up, warm wind tousling their top bits.

The near-perfect waves were particularly difficult for Californians to accept, as the Golden State is in the midst of a surf drought so severe as to have Jen See watching Trilogy films back to back. “Double Trilogy” quickly becoming shorthand to describe a 0 – 1 ft forecast that spreads out for weeks.

Enough moaning, though. Do you happen to live on Florida’s Gulf Coast? Did you enjoy the monster session of your young life?

I’ve never lived in a place that received hurricanes, other that California which received a wildly lame one last year, and wonder if there is guilt associated with enjoying the nice bits, like pumping surf, or an overarching “fortune favors the bold” vibe.

“Audaces fortuna iuvat” in the original tongue.

Speaking of Latin, did you catch Kai Lenny’s former BFF Mark Zuckerberg strutting around stage in a shirt reading “Aut Zuck Aut Nihil,” or “without Zuck there is nothing” yesterday? I had no idea, but he has a Roman fascination even naming his children August and Aurelia after famed emperors.

Kelly Slater? Are you reading?

Inspired at all?

More as the story develops.

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Billionaire-owned World Surf League named in bombshell investigation for “collaborating with controversial governments”

"The World Surf League has largely avoided scrutiny due to its niche audience and lower media visibility."

The World Surf League has been named in a bombshell report report by an investigative reporter over its involvement in El Salvador and the UAE. 

In a story just published, “Abu Dhabi is betting big on surfing” website Sports Politika says the UAE’s wavepool is the “latest example of its use of sports as a form of soft power.” 

“The carefully manicured PR campaign fusing surfing and the desert is part of Abu Dhabi’s latest attempt to present itself at the nexus of sports, entertainment, and luxury tourism,” writes the site’s founder Karim Zidan. 

But!

“While major organizations like the NBA and UFC have faced criticism for partnering with a country accused of significant human rights violations—including harsh sentences for dissidents, exploitation of migrant workers, and involvement in violent conflicts in Syria, Sudan, and Yemen—the World Surf League (WSL) has largely avoided similar scrutiny. This is partly due to its niche audience and lower media visibility.

“However, the WSL has shown little hesitation in collaborating with controversial governments to further its goals. For example, it hosts several events in El Salvador, a nation led by a president who proudly refers to himself as the ‘world’s coolest dictator”… The WSL has also added an Abu Dhabi stop to its marquee Championship Tour in 2025, meaning that the Emirate will continue to be featured as a premier professional surfing destination.”

The World Surf League, which marks itself as a progressive, trans, earth, indigenous people friendly organisation, has long battled accusations it doesn’t practise what it so loudly preaches from its various pulpits.

One year ago, Chas Smith wrote:

The World Surf League, self-billed “global home of surfing,” is not shy when it comes to burnishing its environmental bonafides. Talking points sent down from twin chiefs Erik Logan and Jessi Miley-Dyer include referring to the ocean as “office, home and playground” thereby necessitating preservation. Action items involve coordinating planting a bush in Western Australia. But behind the scenes, deals are struck with landfill-ready, carbon spewing Chinese SUVs and any other company willing to open a chequebook in order to be covered by a green wave.

And you’ll remember the furore when The World Surf League attempted, and failed, to build a billion-dollar development, which included a Slater wave pool, atop precious wetlands on Australia’s Sunshine Coast.

As Longtom reported at the time,

What, as they say, could go wrong?

I put boots on the ground at the site. I know this country very well. It’s in my blood. My people come from the Queensland cane swamps. They are Danes, Swedes, Sicilians.

Practical people.

They would understand the necessity of bulldozing the bush to make way for jobs. But I do not. The developer’s eye eludes me. I see trees and bush. Birds, insects, frogs. I feel sad that surfers will be the ones behind the bull-dozers, erasing this wildlife, this bush from history.

From what I can see though, although there is ambivalence, distrust and even hostility to the Coolum wave pool development, that is unlikely to stop the bulldozers.

The greenwashing on the project will be immense.

Next level.

But I wonder, when Kelly thinks about what is being done in his name and looks in the mirror, does he still see an environmentalist looking back at him?

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Kelly Slater (pictured) never not in fashion.

Kelly Slater drops provocatively named surfboard amidst Diddy sex scandal

The master scene stealer does it again.

The world’s winningest surfer, Kelly Slater, has kept himself out of the spotlight for the longest congruent stretch in a storied career. The 11x champion was not in the booth at Lower Trestles when the World Surf League concluded its 2024 season. He is not in Abu Dhabi for the upcoming historic Longboard Classic. He has not openly chatted with his good friends Joe Rogan, Robert F. Kennedy Jr., Charlie Goldsmith or Jack Johnson.

Surf fans, becoming increasingly worried, were, therefore, relieved today when the ageless 57-year reemerged and as provocative as ever.

Slater made public for the release of his brand new surfboard model the FRK SWALLOW.

“We’ve been kind of talking about doing this for a while,” the multi-hyphenate surfer declared in discussing the latest in his FRK and FRK+ surfboard model series designed with shaper Dan Mann. “Aesthetically, I think [the FRK SWALLOW] looks great. I would probably ride this up to about 5 foot.”

Kelly Slater and his FRK SWALLOW. Photo: Firewire
Kelly Slater and his FRK SWALLOW. Photo: Firewire

Now, the FRK, even missing its vowels, could not be more spicy in light of the too-hot-to-handle allegations swirling around P. Diddy. The disgraced music mogul was arrested, recently, and charged with sex trafficking, amongst other crimes. His “freak offs,” heretofore hidden, the stuff of dark legend that might gobble up celebrities’ reputations for the foreseeable future.

The question, I suppose: Did Slater time the release of his surfboard model for maximum provocation?

FRK SWALLOW.

It really seems like it.

Master scene stealer.

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Ghost of dead surf icon Andy Irons haunts big-budget Billabong film Trilogy: Next Wave

"It’s set up to be a buddy film, but like an unconsummated marriage, it never gets there."

As you no doubt know, it is very flat in California. You are probably hoping that there will be waves in California soon, so that you no longer have to hear about how flat it is. But if there’s one thing we’re good at here, it’s complaining. There’s always something.

The flat spell has sent us all on desperate searches for diversion. Laundry, scraping wax, organizing our fins, learning how to wrap our leashes around our boards — there is just so many things to do, and none of them is as fun as surfing. Dammit.

So it was that yesterday, I sat in my comfiest chair and I watched, back to back, the original Trilogy and the newly released Trilogy: New Wave.

It got me thinking. If this flat spell continues long enough, could I watch the entire Taylor Steele oeuvre? Could I make it through all of Modern Collective era Kai Neville? Really, I hope I do not have to find out.

A Taylor Steele joint sponsored by Billabong, the original Trilogy released in 2007, when boardshorts were extremely long and Caity Simmers was two years old. I’m not sure what was going on with the boardshorts in that era, honestly. Apparently, men were very worried about their knees.

The Trilogy concept was pretty simple. Three surfers: Andy Irons, Joel Parkinson, and Taj Burrow. Good waves. Music that was… I guess good for the time? I’m not sure. A smattering of interview material. Some party people B-roll. The film clocks in at a snappy 35ish minutes, manageable even for my microscopic attention span.

(Watch it here.)

Watching an old surf film feels like stepping into a time machine. There they are, trying to show us what’s cool and what good surfing looks like. In the absence of social media, it must have felt intoxicating. So much authority! So much responsibility!

So much money. It’s wild to sit here in 2024 and see just how much money there was to make surf media in olden times. The credits list on Trilogy is lengthy. So very many people, getting paid for surfing. How quaint.

In pure surfing terms, Trilogy feels like one of the last of the turns and barrels films. It’s nearly the closing act for a cohort of surfers; Andy and Taj are close to 30 when it releases. Modern Collective’s air fest is just two years away.

Out of all of it, the Andy sections still bang. His surfing had that extra magic that gives it a timeless quality. There is so much style in every turn — and that inexpressible something the best surfers have and that I always feel awkward and stupid trying to put into words. You know what it looks like. We all do.

I’ve been hearing about Trilogy: New Wave for what feels like forever. I can almost picture the meeting around the conference table there at Billabong when they decided to do the remake. I’m sure there’s a whole Behind the Music-style podcast episode on the making of this film. Certainly, a big-budget surf film in the era of social media feels like a quixotic endeavor.

The premise is simple. Take three surfers from the present generation: Griff Colapinto, Ethan Ewing, and Seth Moniz. Send them on trips to good waves. Add music. Do some interviews. Use the latest whizbang digital camera technology. Presto! A fabulous blockbuster surf film.

When I sit down to watch it, I notice that Trilogy: New Wave runs over an hour. Well. This better be worth it.

There’s a slow motion, black and white credit sequence. Every crystalline water drop shines like a shard of glass. Viewed from above, Ethan twists and writhes in the chaos. It’s beautiful in that dizzying high-resolution that modern, digital video cameras create. I liked it. I liked it less when I realized it’s repeated throughout the film. Oops.

The surfing is good, of course. Ethan has that clean powerful style, that’s extremely watchable. He also does far more airs than I ever expected. Griff is dynamic, explosive, and unpredictable. His surfing matches his personality to an almost hilarious degree. Seth brings the Hawaiian-style barrel riding and some big ass airs of his own. I liked the surfing, is what I’m saying.

The filmers bring a massive, high-tech arsenal to the job. There’s drone views and water views and every kind of view you can imagine. There are some truly lovely visions here, if you enjoy surf imagery. It’s me. I enjoy that shit.

But at times, the technology overwhelms the subject. Yes, cameras can do ridiculous high-resolution, slow motion now. But I’m not sure I need to see every drop of water in its singularity. Colors saturate beyond anything found in nature. Drone shots transform surfing into twister. Dial it back a bit, my friends. The surfing doesn’t — or shouldn’t — need quite so much razzle dazzle.

The surfers travel, drive a lot, surf many hours. All of this is good. In between, there’s a lot of interview material, and there are back stories build around each surfer. This is… less good. Taylor rightly edited the interviews in the original film down to a few quick, snappy quotes and got on with the business end of the thing.

I’ll confess, I skipped through some of talking in New Wave. My dudes, this is a surf film. Show me the fucking surfing. I also skipped the contest footage. Sue me.

There’s a noticeable lack of chemistry among the three surfers. It’s set up to be a buddy film, but like an unconsummated marriage, it never quite gets there. There’s a shot of the three surfers sitting in a van on a long, dirt road. Seth drives, while Griff sits shotgun. In the backseat, Ethan stares out the window. He seems to be wishing he was just about anywhere else.

For all the effort, I’m not sure the film reveals all that much about these guys. Griff has ridiculous energy. Seth is just happy to be there. Ethan’s the most interesting character to me, mostly for what he doesn’t tell us. For all the miles he travels and all the good waves he surfs in this film, he looks happiest standing on the beach at home alone with his dog. There’s a story there, but not one he’s willing to tell us.

There’s just so much expectation weighing on Trilogy: New Wave, and it all but crushes the thing. It’s so obviously trying so very hard to be big and important in a way that the original didn’t — and maybe didn’t have to be. Before social media and in a time when surf industry money flowed like a high tide, surf films didn’t have to work quite this hard.

The whole idea of a remake sets up a comparison that hardly feels fair to the surfers. Surely, they are more than shrink-wrapped plastic dolls pulled off the shelf for a new generation. We should, I think, grant them more individuality than that.

All three of these guys surf their hearts out. Ethan leaves his apparent ambivalence on the beach. Griff paddles circles around everyone like a hyped up frother. Seth blows his knee trying to land an air in Indo. They go for it.

Should ya watch this thing? Sure, you should. Why wouldn’t you? I guess if you hate surf films, you should not. But, if you hate surf films, I’m not at all sure we can be friends.

When the film focuses on surfing, it’s compelling. The spaces in between seem to last too long. I guess that makes the film a lot like real life.

Mostly, I’m just hoping this flat spell ends before I have to watch Modern Collective.

.

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New Jersey codifies pro-surfer stance after Belmar Beach narrowly escapes George Floyd-esque catastrophe

"There seemed to be communication issues and variations of the law among municipalities."

It is now officially autumn in the northern hemisphere, summer, its fun n sun n easy times in the rearview. Also, in New Jersey, its wild police overreach that nearly led to a full blown culture riot just a memory. But you certainly recall, in middle August, when a surfer in Belmar was violently tossed to the ground and stuffed inside a police cruiser after failing to present his beach badge.

Our Giancarlo Guardascione explained:

From Memorial Day (May 31) to Labor Day (September 2) all non-residents are required to buy daily beach access badges. Prices range from ten to thirty dollars. Jersey and New York costal communities thrive on blow-ins during the summer months. Most businesses and municipalities have to make their money during these times, hence the badges and inflated “non-local” prices on goods.

It’s a 50 shade of grey line when trying to cross the threshold to the beach. Technically, by municipal law, ya gotta pay if your using the beach. But, if you’re just going to surf, swim or fish (no umbrella, cooler, beach chair) you could walk right by the teen sentinels with a smile and a wave.

Well, the brutality went viral and New Jersey’s arcane “beach badge” patchwork savaged.

Though this coming summer of ’25 peace just might be restored.

State Assemblywoman Margie Donlon, wanting to get ahead of confusion, introduced a bill that would “prohibit a municipality from requiring a municipal beach tag or similar admission pass for access to the wet sandy beach below the mean high tide line, for a surfer or a fisherman for the exclusive purpose of surfing or fishing.”

It is already the rule, based on a law that Gov. Phil Murphy approved in 2019, yet “there seemed to be communication issues and variations of the law among municipalities.”

Donlon, a surfer with nearly two decades of water time clocked, explained, “That was the motivation: to make that law clearer.”

Do you think it will work or after tasting surfer blood, is Johnny Law hungry for more?

Much anticipation.

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