The master scene stealer does it again.
The world’s winningest surfer, Kelly Slater, has kept himself out of the spotlight for the longest congruent stretch in a storied career. The 11x champion was not in the booth at Lower Trestles when the World Surf League concluded its 2024 season. He is not in Abu Dhabi for the upcoming historic Longboard Classic. He has not openly chatted with his good friends Joe Rogan, Robert F. Kennedy Jr., Charlie Goldsmith or Jack Johnson.
Surf fans, becoming increasingly worried, were, therefore, relieved today when the ageless 57-year reemerged and as provocative as ever.
Slater made public for the release of his brand new surfboard model the FRK SWALLOW.
“We’ve been kind of talking about doing this for a while,” the multi-hyphenate surfer declared in discussing the latest in his FRK and FRK+ surfboard model series designed with shaper Dan Mann. “Aesthetically, I think [the FRK SWALLOW] looks great. I would probably ride this up to about 5 foot.”
Now, the FRK, even missing its vowels, could not be more spicy in light of the too-hot-to-handle allegations swirling around P. Diddy. The disgraced music mogul was arrested, recently, and charged with sex trafficking, amongst other crimes. His “freak offs,” heretofore hidden, the stuff of dark legend that might gobble up celebrities’ reputations for the foreseeable future.
The question, I suppose: Did Slater time the release of his surfboard model for maximum provocation?
FRK SWALLOW.
It really seems like it.
Master scene stealer.
hmm more silly riddles from you
King Kelly currently working out the baby oil logistics for the inaugural Abu Dhabi Freak-off immediately following the longboard event. Frk Swallow launch party will thrust his latest proginy squirting from the warm womb like waters of Abu Dhabi (not to be confused with his recent unamed child squirting from his unmarried girlfriends womb) a marketing oportunity even good budy Dana White would be envious of….more as the story gets it’s Frk On!…
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Fuck yeah thank you. 🤩
Xox
stinkiest brown psychedelic resin tint you ever smelt
my favorite line of attack when arguing against the soulless bastards whose self-centered decision to maintain gainful employment, eat, sleep indoors, dump and wank in private restrooms, etc. by holding “the company” line as middle-management falsely-empowered yes men:
i don’t wanna hear “I can’t do anything about it…my hands are tied” or “sir, the system is set up such that there’s no way to….” coupled with “you can’t ask anyone else, especially above me.”
well consider my ire drawn, good sir!
then I savage them with precision instruments of humanity, wit, and hatred. I will eat their children and shit down their mom’s neck after I dismember her.
that type of threat opens doors.
i won’t suggest which kind, but you feel great talking about it on the yard.
“showed that bastard who fucked around and found out!”
I’m like a R-A-P-E-R (yeah)
Got so many S-As (S-As), S-As (huh)
Wait, he didn’t just spell the word, “Rapper” and leave out a P, did he? (Yep)
and a wide mid-length named The Chode
diddy he do it?
Haha, definitely
a little history…went to Bali in 73′ with a couple of the new Swallow tail design……all singles …
Been riding them ever since as they hold in better than pins squashes etc….maybe a tad slower than other tails…..
after numerous Swallow tails chipped on Tow bds with RCJ ( they cavitated when chipped!)…..I ground down the SWT and reinforced them so it’s like a 1/4 ” squash on the tip of the tail…I called it a SWAT tail as its a cross between a Swallow Tail and a bat tail…..so I don’t swallow anymore..said this on a podcast in the USA …they shut me down for not swallowing,LOL!
PS they are supa easy to fix whereas SWT is impossible to fix properly
one of my favorite Sunset boards was an Iggy SF SWT.
very narrow pulled in tail. what was referred to as a “baby swallow”
the swallow gave it much needed release.
swallow is a double pin tail, more about control at speed than release.
well dayyyymmmm.
I control the speed on a swallow better then I do on a pin, then.
I’ve always felt they were a bit looser.
haven’t ridden one in a while as I got back into my fave spot a few years ago and have always been more comfortable on a round pin there, but think I will go back to an SWT on my new board.
actually the SWT gives more grip…..the first baby swt I saw was in Hawaii in 73////gotta 7 6 and 8 3 Swt from BK…
and for those who think pintails hold in better please go immediately to the Tow section and see how many pin’s there are vs SWT?
I did not know that.
Riding it as opposed to a pin, I felt it helped me to release a bit more on turns and get the board around quicker.
may have just been that board at Sunset, but it was a gem.
I’ve had a few swallow tails and always felt they were a bit more responsive.
maybe just the way I surf.
you are not alone..most modern day shapers don’t really know…had so many discussions with younger shapers who believe pintails hold better….but when you explain that pintails are looser because they create curve in the outline around and behind the fins….whereas a Swallow tail creates a straighter curve behind the fins which gives you more push back and grip….drive!!
“Master scene stealer” really sets the stage for future write and wrong.
My signature model must be imminent!
Xox
Kukelly Slater …foreground , background and middle ground
Chas, Derek, are you two aware of how painful it is to use this site in a web browser at the moment? The tiles on the homepage are half empty and overrun with ads. All of the article pages jump around constantly due to the different sized ads appearing and disappearing. I get you need to serve ads – to all our benefits, etc – but for Gods sake, can you get the site readable? It hard enough to read Chas’ entertainment related articles as it is. Don’t make me work for it, please.
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I got a Puff Daddy in the quiver
Really? Those big pharma companies are big teddy bears
Just got a couple more vax’s last week love those guys.
They luv you more!!
Is there any other videos, movies books, that Jen could review for god’s sake?
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/39885857-cocaine-surfing
PCP + Rock Throwing was better
Dont say gay!!
The Diddy man couldn’t come close to licking KS’s arse on achievement basis. Though I’m sure he would like to given the opportunity.
Anything Ke11y is to the P.Diddy scandal what the election of a local dog-catcher in Bumfuck, Michigan is to the Presidential election. Nothing whatsoever.