Distressed shoe maker Vans capitulates to
pressure and invites elderly Jamie O’Brien into Pipe Masters
By Chas Smith
"This event deserves to be taken over by someone
who truly understands and respects the sport and the surfers."
One of the many tempests blowing in our teacup,
last week, involved distressed shoe maker Vans, its Pipe Masters
event and, arguably, the greatest living wrangler of that iconic
wave. Yes, James Duncan O’Brien, born and bred as close to the
Banzai as one can get, was left off this year’s invite list.
When I heard that JAMIE was given an ALTERNATE spot in the
event, that’s when I felt something has to be said. How can you
leave out arguably the greatest Pipeline surfer of all time? To
suggest that he doesn’t deserve a spot in an event he has helped
define is baffling to me. Many surfers who have barely surfed Pipe
have been given spots over the years, which feels like a slap in
the face to the locals and internationals who show up season after
season without ever being invited. It’s nothing personal against
these surfers—they are simply accepting an opportunity that any
surfer would take. But the way these decisions are being made feels
unfair to those who have truly earned their place.I understand that
with invitational events, it’s hard to make everyone happy.
However, making sure that the spots go to those who deserve them
and have put in the time is all anyone can ask for.
O’Brien himself added:
I’ve been processing how the Pipeline Masters has become a
joke. Whoever is making these decisions clearly doesn’t understand
what’s happening in the water pipeline on the day today! Or season
two season It’s long overdue to speak out, and trust me, they won’t
hear the end of it. It’s so sad see such a prestigious event
mishandled like this, with no regard for the athletes putting in
the work every day, has completely lost my respect. It’s time for a
change – this event deserves to be taken over by someone who truly
understands and respects the sport and the surfers.
The carrot-topped 41-year-old was initially told by Vans that he
was “too old” to be
in the event but organizers apparently rethought their overt agism
and now he is in the draw alongside Cam Richards and Tosh
Tudor.
The Pipe Masters window opens Dec. 8 before shutting Dec.
20.
But does the buckling under pressure make you think that Josh
Moniz should be recruited to write more open letters addressing
things that we surfers dislike?
Maybe a note to Kelly Slater about his perpetual need for
attention?
Something to think about.
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Tom Carroll rushed to ER with suspected
spinal injury after collision in surf!
By Derek Rielly
Update: Tom's out of hospital with stitches in head
and sore neck.
Tom Carroll is no stranger to injury. The tough little man has
experienced, at different points in his career, infected fin
gashes, a ruptured stomach, knee reconstruction, ankle ligament
tears and various cuts and lower-back strains.
His most famous injury happened in 1987 when his surfboard fin
visited his rectum during a shore break re-entry, or rear-entry as
The Sun called it, at Nijima Beach in Japan.
Tom Carroll was warming up for a contest when he attempted a
re-entry in the shorebreak. His board dug nose-first into the sand,
and as he fell, legs akimbo, a fin lodged itself in his anal
canal.
The injury resulted in a significant anal perforation. Thirteen
stitches were required to close the wound, with eight of those
stitches being internal.
After his injury, during subsequent surfing sessions, spray
could often be seen spouting from the site of the injury,
particularly during violent backhand hacks. This incident has been
humorously referred to as giving him a “brand new arsehole” or an
enlargement of the existing one.
More on Thomas’ latest injury as it unfurls or he jumps back
into his DMs.
Sexy AI generated surfer and, main photo,
adult learners, the fabled Surfline Man, forced to flee difficult
lineups.
Jen See on “kinky AI surfers” and
Surfline’s attempt to regulate adult beginners
By Jen See
Can Surfline convince all these lost souls to find
the right spot for their abilities? I don’t hate them for
trying!
Surfline killed Surfline Man. I can’t tell you
the exact time of death, it was sometime last week while I was out
surfing, probably.
But it happened all the same.
A reel posted on Instagram plunged a wooden stake through our
hero’s hapless heart. Standing on the beach, I saw the
incriminating clip and that’s when I knew.
Part of the new Surfline project aimed at improving lineup
etiquette, the clip features a surfer named Dayton who can’t decide
where to surf. It’s firing and he can go surf with his friends at
the very best spot or he can pick an easier, more accessible break.
In an effort to teach us to surf within our abilities, Dayton
chooses the B-grade spot.
Surfline Man’s essential characteristic has always been his
utter and complete lack of self-awareness.
No matter what happens to him out there, he’s never imagined
that he has anything to learn. Surfline Man is an expert surfer. He
just needs the perfect board, the ideal fins, and a seasonally
appropriate, limited edition HydroFlask.
Last week Dayton realized that he should not follow his friends
to the best wave in his area on the very best day. Instead, he
should be honest and think about his surfing abilities in a
realistic way. Dayton doesn’t run off to buy a new board or a fresh
changing robe. He just, like, goes surfing at a spot where he might
actually be able to catch a wave.
How self-aware. How enlightened.
The push from Surfline to educate the surfing community about
lineup etiquette and instill wiser judgment is admirable. But there
is a catch. It requires more surfers like Dayton — self-aware and
realistic — than maladroit dreamers like Surfline Man. I’d love to
believe in Surfline’s optimistic vision, but I’ve seen Surfline Man
out there. I know exactly who he is.
One day last winter I was out surfing the top of Rincon. It was
overhead, windy, and beautiful. It wasn’t the kind of surf that is
trying to kill you or anything ridiculous like that — just a winter
day in California.
I turned to go on one, and when I looked down, I saw a lost soul
drifting around below me. Perched on a bright yellow, seven-foot
Craigslist special, with his legs spread, he could barely paddle.
Obviously, Craigslist wasn’t going to move anytime soon.
Yes, I could have gone, and most of you probably would have. And
you know what? It probably would have been totally fine. But I have
a deep aversion to getting hit by a loose Craigslist special. That
thing’s definitely going to leave a mark..
Craigslist didn’t belong out there. That’s not because of some
exclusive, gate-keeping idea that the ocean isn’t for everyone,
which is the argument often leveled against lineup rules, localism,
and hierarchy. Instead, it’s a reflection of the simple reality
that the ocean isn’t for everyone on every single day.
I’ve walked away from spots that looked a little too unruly, and
if you’re honest, you have, too. Sometimes the challenge is fun.
Other times, it’s a lot of water up my nose. I like surfing a lot
more than I like drowning. Despite a lifetime in the ocean, or
maybe because of it, I’m actually really fucking scared of
drowning.
The reality is, surfers who are in way over their heads show up
to just about every known spot now. The internet tells them there’s
surf and out they go. They have an uncanny knack for paddling out
on wildly inappropriate boards on days they have no idea how to
surf. None of this is super great for anyone in the lineup.
A while back, I used to surf with a guy who would yell, “Go to
Mondos” whenever someone got in his way. Mondos is a spectacularly
perfect beginners’ spot between Ventura and Santa Barbara. I doubt
most of the people he was yelling at had any idea what he
meant.
Also, it didn’t work. Even then, there were a seemingly endless
supply of fools who needed to go to Mondos, but didn’t realize
it.
Can Surfline convince all these lost souls to learn some
etiquette and find the right spot for their abilities? I definitely
don’t hate them for trying! In fact, I would love for more surfers
to gain even an iota Dayton’s self-awareness. I would love for them
to actually go to Mondos — and not just in the hope that it means
more waves for me.
There’s a value to progression and to learning things like
surfing step by step. You don’t buy a mountain bike and go drop
Rampage lines on the very first day. I hope you don’t, anyway.
Like, please don’t do this. I like you and I don’t want you to
die.
If you have ever learned a thing from the ground up — surfing,
music, riding a bike — you know there is satisfaction in
accumulating skill over time. I’m still working on the “write a
decent sentence” thing, for example.
Another day, another apocalyptic crowd.
“You just have to be an asshole to get a wave out here,” my
friend says. He’s not wrong. You can wait your turn, not burn
anyone, and do all the right things — and you’ll have been super
nice and a good person. But you’ll also probably go home without
having ridden any waves.
Play the asshole or the asshole plays you. I’d like to move
through this life without turning into the worst possible version
of myself, but surfing doesn’t necessarily reward this way of
thinking.
In a past life, I studied nuclear strategy which is a thoroughly
depressing thing to study. I do not recommend it. The essential
thing about nuclear weapons is that they can destroy the world many
times over. This is all very chill and fine.
Suppose two countries sign a treaty agreeing to “no first use”
of nuclear weapons. If both countries hold to the treaty, everyone
wins and there’s no nuclear war. If one country cheats on the
treaty, they blow up their enemy and they win. If both countries
cheat, everyone loses and the world is destroyed. Cool story,
bro.
What’s called the prisoner’s dilemma — where there is an
incentive to cheat, but also where cheating means that everyone
loses — also applies to stuff that has nothing to do with blowing
up the world. In an anonymous lineup, so overcrowded as to be
laughable, there are few incentives to follow the rules. Burn
someone, and you’ll get a wave. Breaking the rules pays off. When
everyone gets burned, though, no one has a good time.
Repeated interactions are one way to break the incentive to
cheat. In a small circle of surfers who see one another day after
day, there’s more reason to follow the rules. These people know you
and they will punish you in various ways if you cause trouble. They
may even start working together to turn a cheater into a
pariah.
Without these relationships — call it a community — there’s less
incentive to follow the rules. No punishment, no problems,
brah.
Of course, following the rules might improve the situation for
everyone. And that’s the hopeful perspective Surfline is bringing
to their project. They want us all to have a good, safe time in the
water. That’s the message at the end of their short video about our
new bestie Dayton, who’s kinda cute if AI-generated men is your
kink.
The disparate, selfish individuals who populate the lineup, the
people how just want to have some fun and get a couple sick selfies
on a Saturday — I don’t think rules or learning are really what’s
on their minds when they show up at the beach. The effort to save
our lineups from ourselves feels like too little, too late. Surfing
is well and truly cursed.
We’ve met the enemy; the enemy is us.
And so, Surfline Man isn’t dead yet. The rumors of his death are
entirely premature. He is totally still out there.
Right now, Surfline Man is pulling into the parking lot in his
Sprinter with his new personalized Stanley cup in hand. HydroFlask,
so yesterday! Bounding out of the car, he changes into his wetsuit
under his favorite fuzzy changing robe and saunters down to the
beach with his brand-new board tucked insouciantly under his
arm.
Riding waves! It’s the best thing in the whole world!
And Surfline Man is not about to let even a hint of
self-awareness ruin his day.
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Man enters “Women on Waves” surf contest in
Santa Cruz sparking outrage
By Chas Smith
"It’s juvenile, immature, pathetic behavior."
The “Women on Waves” contest, a yearly Santa
Cruz area bacchanal nearly two decades old, was the scene of much
acrimony over the weekend after a cisgendered male surf instructor,
Calder Nold, entered, and surfed, in the masters category. Liza
Monroy, author and event finalist, described surfing against him on
Saturday. “He wore the requisite jersey wrapped around his neck and
was bare-chested and in board shorts,” she penned for Lookout Santa Cruz, a
Pulitzer Prize-winning website.
Wanting to get to the bottom of why he was there, she asked.
Nold responded a friend had “nominated him.” After further pushing,
he offered, “This is an inclusive event for charity, right? I just
want to support.”
But maybe more to the story?
Monroy later learned that Nold had entered the contest as a
protest to the inclusion of trans women and at the behest of a
local chiropractor named EmilyAnn Pillari who penned an opinion
editorial wherein Monroy surmised “she admits she entered him as a
provocation, to test the rules and make a point that as supportive
and appreciative Nold is of women surfers, he can easily outpaddle
even the strongest surfer. She says that wouldn’t change if he
‘thought he was a woman.’”
Surf Equity co-founder Sabrina Brennan, who usually trains her
fire on women, momentarily shifted to describe Nold’s “stunt” as
“mean-spirited, disrespectful, unkind, and selfish attempt at
making a point.”
Not finished, she continued, “I don’t care how nice and polite
the cis guy was, he was there to make fun of them. It’s juvenile,
immature, pathetic behavior. To engage in this behavior to be
exclusionary is so targeted.”
The Women on Waves organizers stated, “We’re dealing with two
issues. What EmilyAnn was trying to say about trans women and the
women in the contest who were upset they had to surf with a
man.”
Monroy, anyhow, interviews the women in the contest as to their
feelings about the matter all while addressing the larger trans
issue, leaning very much toward inclusion and sensitivity.
David Lee Scales and I, as chance would have it, also discussed
other overlooked trans issues during our now twice weekly get
togethers. Helpful for potential sticky conversations at upcoming
Thanksgiving Day feasts.
My gift to you.
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Leonardo DiCaprio to lose World Surf League
Finals Day invite after blatantly ignoring Fijian ceremony
By Chas Smith
“Don’t waste your energy my fiji whānau (family),
he’s so disrespectful.”
After two or three years of the World Surf
League crowning its champions at “baby soft” Lower
Trestles, surf fans around the globe rejoiced when it was announced
that Cloudbreak would host Finals Day ’25. The powerful Fijian
left-hander, pitching into glorious barrel, is truly a marvel an
there shall be no asterisks placed behind the name of the winner
like there is following Felipe Toledo.
The ticket will undoubtedly be a hot draw with surf-adjacent
celebrities vying for limited space on Tavarua, Namotu and the
various yachts bobbing in the blue though one mega-movie star is
likely on the outside looking in.
Leonardo DiCaprio, 50, was recently in Fiji on vacation. As
anyone who has had the pleasure of visiting the Pacific island
paradise knows, ceremony is very important to the culture. Welcome
songs, kava blessings, goodbye dances.
Here we can see Association of Surfing Professional surfers
enjoying the opening rites of the Volcom Fiji Pro in 2012.
Look how cute li’l Julian Wilson was.
In any case, it would be absolutely unheard of to blatantly
ignore the ritual which brings us back to DiCaprio. The climate
activist was checking out of his hotel where the staff had gathered
in the lobby to serenade him with blessings. Instead of clapping
along, DiCaprio dipped his head, pulled out a phone and pretended
to have a conversation whilst paying the locals no mind.
The move was, surprisingly, blasted on social
media where Fijian culture experts weighed in.
“Being humble is the key to success,” one opined. “Don’t waste
your energy my fiji whānau (family), he’s so disrespectful,”
another added. A third, extra worked up, screamed, “SHOULD’VE
ACKNOWLEDGED THE FIJI WELCOMING PARTY.”
With DiCaprio likely out of Finals Day, surf fans are
petitioning the World Surf League offices for a Mini Driver
invite.