"When your brain is in the way, it slows you down."

Kelly Slater’s surf bonafides need not one bit of burnishing. Seven-time Pipe Master, one-time Pro Pipeline, eleven world championships, one Eddie and this is not to mention multiple “Surfer of the Year” nominations plus magazine covers. His legion fans are also well aware that the almost 53-year-old is a golf whizz, guitar master and sings like an angel.

Not yet witnessed is Slater’s skill with a gun. Rootin’, tootin’, shootin’. Thankfully, the Special Forces Charitable Foundation put a pistol in his hand and let him rip the range.

Watch here.

Afterward, the father of two opened up about the experience, sharing “(Shooting) is not familial to me, shot when I was a kid but haven’t shot in decades. Have to make it your natural environment in order to compete at 100 percent. When I surf I don’t think, my brains not in the way. With anything else, your brain is in the way and it slows you down.”

Wise words.

But how would you rate your own skills with lock, stock and barrel? Would you beat Kelly Slater in a shoot-off?

Would you gloat?

Rude.

Invest today!

Once upon a time (six years ago), a terrible cough/sore throat combination swept the globe and forced people to get healthy, isolated outdoor exercise. As playing horseshoes and hopscotch required partners, surfing quite naturally became the obvious activity and millions upon millions of enthusiasts were born.

These adult learners, many vulnerable, purchased boards and wetsuits, leashes and wax and sent the surf hard-good market booming. Ding repair operations did brisk business as well as no one knew the rules nor cared to learn. There they paddled out, en masse, near their homes, socially distanced but one in spirit.

It appears, though, that they might be wanting a touch more social distance as new economic analysis has forecasted the surfing tourism market to explode in girth through the decade.

Currently valued at $9.58 billion, surfing tourism will blast to $12.31 billion by 2028. That is a 6.5% compound annual growth rate for the junior economists out there.

Gains will be spread across “Surf Schools And Lessons, Surf Camps And Retreats, Surf Resorts And Accommodations, Surf Tours And Expeditions, Equipment Rentals And Sales” and include “LineUpEXplorers GmbH, The Perfect Wave Travel, Channel Islands Surfboards Inc., Body Glove International LLC, World Surfaris Pty Ltd, Firewire Surfboards LLC, Costa Rica Surf Travel Company, Wavehunters Surf Travel Pty Ltd, Waterways Surf Adventures, Nomad Surfers, Atoll Travel, The Ocean Spell Surf Travel, True Blue Travel, BruSurf Inc., Great Ocean Road Surf Tours, INTRO Travel Pty Ltd, Mojosurf Pty Ltd, Go Overseas Inc., Driftwood Mentawai Surf Travel, Surf and Sun.”

Champagne corks being popped in Kelly Slater’s Thai surfboard factory today.

With this entirely bullish outlook, are you considering quitting your current job and hopping into the surfing tourism industry? Remember when bitcoin was at $27,000 and you were tempted to buy in?

Go with your gut this time.

"He thought the concept of Kamala Harris being president… he has a very over-the-top way of putting things…"

There are only a small handful of films with a surfing subject matter that can be considered “cult.” The Endless Summer, North Shore and Big Wednesday and that is maybe all. The latter, a sort of rambling late-1970s homage to Malibu, follows three friends as they attempt to dodge service in Vietnam whilst surfing and malingering on the beach. A decade, or such, later they are reunited for a super swell and, if I recall, they are all vaguely bummed that the best of life has passed them by.

Its director, John Milius, was moved to the beach at 14 and called surfing his “religion” he would go on to write the screenplay for Apocalypse Now before co-writing and directing Big Wednesday, following that with Conan the Barbarian and Red Dawn in 1984 which, 40 years later, brings us to Milius today who happens to be overjoyed that there was no proverbial red dawn in these United States.

Milius’ daughter, Amanda, described her father as Donald Trump patient zero, telling Fox, “My dad’s been a Trump guy, honestly, since 2014. My dad has been on Team Trump since, like, the moment you could be.”

Though the Academy Award-nominated auteur suffered a major stroke in 2010, he maintained enough fire in his belly to loathe Democrats. “He hated (Harris)!” Amanda continued, “I mean, he was just laughing at the idea of it. He just thought it was ridiculous. He thought the concept of Kamala Harris being president… he has a very over-the-top way of putting things… but he basically said that anyone who would consider voting for her for president was just an idiot. He’s like, ‘There’s no – there’s no way this can be serious.’ Like, it was just as unserious as Joe Biden. It was the whole thing was unserious. He had, I think, a bit more vitriol for Hillary [Clinton] because, you know, she’d been around longer and he’d had more time to form opinions about her. But he was not impressed, I guess we can say that.”

Fun.

Did you maintain that much political vitriol in your guts?

Me?

Well, I don’t wanna be a star. Have my picture in magazines, have a bunch of kids looking up to me. I’m a drunk, a screw up. I just surf ’cause its good to go out and ride with your friends.

I don’t even have that anymore.

Aço Azul.

The World Surf League’s 2025 Championship Tour is still months away from getting underway, though as Thanksgiving approaches in the United States, surf fans are starting to feel the first rushes of thrill. Our heroes and heroines have spent the offseason going on surf trips, possibly searching for missing spines and in the case of Brazil’s Italo Ferreira, undergoing a remarkable transformation.

The gold medal winning goofy foot has always been exceedingly handsome but new snaps, posted to social media, put him in a whole new Boy Band-adjacent category.

Pure gorgeous.

Ferreira, who we last saw roaring from fifth place to second on World Surf League Finals Day at Lower Trestles, must certainly have other tour beauties on notice. It won’t be good enough to simply have a Jack Robinson-esque jaw line or rugged Ryan Callinan-ish appeal.

No.

In order to turn heads, the package must approach tip-top male super model.

Now that the challenge has been laid, do you think any tour surfer will attempt his own glow up or do you think they will collectively cede the ground to really, really, really, ridiculously good looking Ferreira?

Joe Turpel should, at the very least, try.