Shark attack survivor Cole Taschman.
Shark attack survivor (x 2) Cole Taschman, hitting the skies before the bite and, inset, healing up in a chair.

Surfer who survived second shark attack vows to surf again, “Mama didn’t raise no bitch!”

"Half way to the hospital the pain hits. I was passing out. My girlfriend was slapping me on the head, my friends were dumping water on my face."

Cole Taschman remembers the first time he was bitten by a shark surfing Bathtub beach on Florida’s Treasure coast twelve years ago.

“I was in waist deep water, walking out, then standing there, about to jump a wave. I saw him coming, a four-foot black tip, reef pup. His fin was outta the water, darting towards me. He was twenty yards away, made it to me in four seconds. Bit my hand, twelve stitches.”

Cole tells this story with the same ease and panache Quint tells the tale of the Indianapolis at midnight from the Orca.

Cole’s voice is salted, crusty, even for a young man, peppered with more experience than age. He’s a fishing boat captain, so he’s seen our boys in the open sea up close and personal and knows them well. He speaks about his most recent event at Bathtub beach, bitten for the second time, but this dental impression leaves a more resonating scar.

I ask him to describe the physical feeling of layered teeth sinking in.

Theres a pause, short breath.

“It’s indescribable. Like jumping outta a plane. You can never recreate it. The first thing I thought was, ‘I gotta get to shore.’ THEN comes ‘I’m bit.’ The pain doesn’t exist.”

The shark came from behind and bit both ankles and feet.

“A set wave came and I managed to take it to the beach. My two friends were there. They used leashes as tourniquets to stop the massive amounts of blood.”

The long ride to the hospital?

“Half way to the hospital the pain hits. I was passing out. My girlfriend was slapping me on the head, my friends were dumping water on my face.”

Three surgeries, ninety three stitches and ten ten staples later, Cole was stablised and eventually sent home where he sits, literally, in a world chair. He sure did come close to losing both feet.

Is he going to surf the tepid, oh so inviting waters for both species of Bathtub beach again?

“Hell yeah, mama didn’t raise no bitch!”

Cole is the Cap of a Florida fishing boat, no health insurance, and ouuuee those stitches ain’t the ones ya find at a sewing circle. If you’re so inclined, help a brah put a dent in the docs bill for sterilized needles. ie hit his gofundme here. 

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A PEASANT’S GUIDE TO THE PALM SPRINGS SURF CLUB, THE FINAL CHAPTER: FLOGGINGS FOR SALE!

"This session is for EXPERTS ONLY; it requires advanced paddle techniques, strong wave selection, and the ability to navigate heavy conditions."

The Oxford dictionary defines “persistence” as “firm or obstinate continuance in a course of action in spite of difficulty or opposition.”

Albert Einstein is attributed to have once said, “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results” (except he never actually said that or anything remotely close thereto).

If both of these definitions are true though, a man resolutely determined to accomplish something by doing the same thing over and over might never know whether he is persistent or insane. Like Sisyphus himself, he just keeps pushing that rock back up that hill only have it fall back down each time, self-assured that one day, that stupid damn rock is going to stay in place atop the hill. And to the rest of the world, he is considered insane once he is seen to fail again and again but keeps trying again and again anyway. Ultimately though, the true distinction between persistence and insanity is not what is in a man’s mind—it is the ultimate result of his efforts.

This is because the moment that rock stays at the top of the hill, the man is no longer insane according to the rest of the world. Instead, he is a “hard worker,” he is “entitled to the fruits of his labor,” and/or he is “the model American.” Now, he is “persistent,” even though the only thing that has actually changed is that the rock finally didn’t roll back down the hill after he pushed it all the way up there. To this point, perhaps persistence is merely just one more curious facet of insanity.

BeachGrit commentariat, despite writing the place off, I have yet again returned to the Palm Springs Surf Club (“PSSC”), I have surfed the barreling A-Frame, and this will be my final article thereon.

So, am I insane? Are you insane? Is the whole damn world insane? Are we going to just argue about the election in the comments section instead?

Less than two weeks following my most recent article on this subject, I receive a PSSC email indicating that November sessions are available, and a new public session wave is on offer for the low low price of $265 per hour called the “Pro A-Frame.” This wave is described as follows on the PSSC website:

“The 5 wave Pro A-Frame session features a slab like takeoff and an 8 second interval between waves. The Pro A-Frame breaks both left and right, creating a dynamic playground for expert surfers. Surfers can expect rapid drop-ins, challenging barrel sections, and the opportunity to execute performance turns mid wave and airs on the end section. The wave ranges from a head high takeoff to a shoulder high end section.

This session is for EXPERTS ONLY; it requires advanced paddle techniques, strong wave selection, and the ability to navigate heavy conditions. Only those with extensive experience should attempt to harness the power of these A-frames, as safety and skill are paramount in this exhilarating environment.”

Could this be the slabby wave I was originally promised back in January? I have never been accused of being an “expert” in the surfing ability context, though I’ve certainly had plenty of expertise in getting my sorry ass pounded in hollow surf worse than a roofied Diddy Freak Off party invitee. “Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more,” I say aloud to no one in particular as I smash that purchase button.

7:15 a.m.: I arrive and start unpacking. The session is at 8:00 a.m., which means I am up before dawn to drive out there having consumed enough caffeine to kill a small horse or large capybara. There are only three other guys who have signed up for this session. I already know that one of them is no slouch having shared a session with him at PSSC a couple weeks back, the other guy is from Hawaii and therefore has a rebuttable presumption of competence, and the final guy has at least surfed this place before. This is very good news, since it means we all get our own waves and can go any direction we like, try to backdoor a section, etc. We’re told that these waves come in roughly half the intervals of the other A-Frame settings—every 8 seconds instead of every 15 seconds.

8:00 a.m.: The first session gets started. The Hawaiian gets clamped. The second guy gets pitched. The third guy gets pitched. I paddle for my wave thinking I’m going to make the drop. The lip explodes behind me as I get to my feet and I’m sent straight to the bottom. This is when I realize that the peak of the Pro A-Frame is roughly thrice as powerful as the Advanced A-Frame and the takeoff is about five times more difficult. Getting either pitched or clipped is something that will happen to me for the majority of the rest of the hour.

8:05 a.m.: One of the guys working the pool jumps in, bringing our total number up to five. I recognize him as a local pro who has probably been the most barreled surfer at the Northside of the HB Pier over the last 10+ years when that place turns on. As expected, he has an exponentially better go at it than any of the rest of us, but as a measure of how tricky this wave is, even this pro doesn’t make every drop.

8:35 a.m.: No one gets barreled as far as I’ve seen. Perhaps the pro has, but I’ve spent a good portion of my time at the bottom of the pool, so I haven’t always had a fantastic vantage point. I try going left to see if I’ll fare any better grabbing rail. That doesn’t really work much better, I eventually get properly flogged, and my leash string breaks. According to the employees, finding yourself on the business side of one of these lips has been proven to be a board breaker, so a leash string is a rather paltry sacrifice to the pool gods, all things considered.

8:40 a.m.: After grabbing a backup board with an intact leash string and a bit more rocker, I abandon trying to take off deep and see about doing some turns. It is a decidedly easier takeoff a handful of feet wide of the of the peak. There’s also more power and more size than the Advanced A-Frame out in the turn section of this wave. The pocket, while still narrower than an ocean wave, is a little more forgiving and gives you a bit more runway before reaching dead water, and the end section has the most push out of any of the other A-Frames.

9:00 a.m.: The session ends and I don’t think I’ve ever felt this exhausted after a single hour of surfing. This is a one-and-done day for me, so I head back down south to go put in a half day of soul sucking work.

4:00 p.m.: After a half-day’s work of soul sucking, it is beer o’clock, and I ruminate over these three trips to PSSC I’ve taken over the past year over a few suds. Though I was previously a bit disappointed with the Intermediate A-Frame and the Advanced A-Frame, I have to say that PSSC has adequately delivered with the Pro A-Frame in spite of its heftier price. I wanted a wave that both barreled and was capable of delivering a good pounding, that’s exactly what I finally got, and I’d rather get pitched and clipped for the better part of an hour trying to get shacked (even if it’s a fake pool barrel) than trying to milk a couple weak turns out of the more gutless A-Frame settings.

So, with the benefit of experiencing all of these waves, has my opinion changed on the overall peasant PSSC experience? As to the Intermediate or Advanced A-Frames, I still could take them or leave them. As much as I hate to say it though, the Pro A-Frame is mostly legit.

Is this place a worthy venue for the ‘28 Olympics presuming PSSC can run the contest in waves of the same power as the Pro A-Frame? The answer is still no. Surfing is in the ocean.

Finally, am I persistent or am I just insane? I suppose that depends on how you view the result of all of this. On the one hand, I have finally gotten to experience what I thought I had signed up for back in January, which means that I’ve successfully pushed one rock up a hill and that rock is staying put.

On the other hand, I haven’t even come close to making an artificial PSSC barrel yet, though I question why I should even really care about something that isn’t even a real wave. In that sense, I can see in the distance that there’s another hill over yonder with another rock at the bottom of it.

And indeed, we all inexorably move on to something else the moment we tick a box, the moment we achieve something, the moment that fleeting sense of contentment begins to fade. This is just as true for the rest of our lives as it is with surfing, though our pointless ocean endeavor certainly tends to take center stage in the “nothing is ever enough” department.

There’s always one more hill in the world. There’s always one more rock in the world. And there always will be, unless and until we become incapable of pushing that rock up the hill and/or we are crushed underneath its weight.

At the end of the day, the difference between persistence and insanity is a temporary one, for given enough time, the world makes all of us insane.

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Chris Martin (pictured) in a trap door.
Chris Martin (pictured) in a trap door.

Australian surf fans gasp in horror as Malibu local Chris Martin falls into trapdoor during Coldplay concert!

“Thank you for catching me, so much. Holy s–t."

Australian surf fans were abuzz, yesterday, as they prepared to go and watch Coldplay’s Chris Martin perform the bands many hits in the cultural capital of Melbourne. While originally from Exeter, England, the 47-year-old crooner moved to Malibu, California some two years ago and became a notable longboard/funboard surfer. Surf fans, therefore, practicing the long tradition of supporting other surf fans, came out in droves, packing Marvel Stadium with at record-breaking 227,000 surf fan clip.

The thrill almost turned to absolute horror when Martin decided to cross-step across the stage backward, falling into a trap door.

Many things can, of course, go wrong when a surfer falls into a trap door. Shins bruised, or worse, and a collective breath was held until Martin came up allegedly dazed but smiling. “Thank you for catching me, so much. Holy s–t,” he said to the stage hands, likely surf fans, who must have caught him.

He admitted to being a little wobbly, having the “jitters” and feeling “weird” after the incident but did not seem to get overly scared, like the two-time Brazilian surf champ Felipe Toledo, and continued performing.

Bold and brave.

David Lee Scales and I, anyhow, have an ongoing segment about adults falling down on our podcast. When was the last time you tripped or slipped and hit the deck?

You’re amongst friends, here. And longboard/funboard royalty.

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Kelly Slater slams government incompetence in wild online rant
Kelly Slater says Laniakea road works can be fast-tracked and completed within a couple of weeks not two years.

Kelly Slater slams government incompetence over roadworks in front of his “unsellable” $20 million Hawaiian mansion

Champ says roadworks in front of his unsold mansion should take two weeks not two years!

Regular readers will know the epic tale of Kelly Slater’s sprawling beachfront mansion at Laniakea on Oahu’s North Shore that has languished unsold for most of the year, even after the surfing great dropped the price by a staggering $3.5 million. 

The eleven-time world champion who recently came out of retirement to compete in an exhibition event in France last month bought the six-bedroom, 7.5-bathroom house for a little under eight mill in 2017 and, earlier this year, perhaps to buy his unnamed son pretty things, put it on the market for twenty mill.

Despite the sprawling beachfront compound’s myriad delights, its Balinese theme a very good selling point for those with a taste for the exotic east and the joys of Hinduism, the joint has failed to generate any serious interest hence the wild 17.5% discount. 

Now, in a wild screed posted to Instagram, Kelly Slater has slammed Hawaiian authorities for their bungling surrounding the realignment of the Laniakea Highway. 

Kelly Slater slams government incompetence
Kelly Slater slams government incompetence.

If you live in these parts you’ll know it ain’t much fun driving the strip on weekends, or during events, and that little cord of bitumen can be your home for hours. 

Real simple: the parking lot at Laniakea is going to be shifted to the ocean side of the road thereby ending the traffic jams caused by people crossing the road and stopping cars for flying on through.

According to Kelly Slater the work is going to take up to two years, construction happening from morning to mid-afternoon Monday to Friday, and some Saturdays. 

But, says the Champ, “This project if done privately could take one to two weeks and be done at night.” 

Crazy if true!

Anyone who relocates parking lots for a living wanna chime in here?

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Surfers giddy over new surf-themed Toyota 4Runner TRD!

"Toyota has gone old school, converting a 2025 4Runner TRD Limited into an homage to the original with the 4Runner TRD Surf concept."

Any surfer worth her salt knows that sliding waves is only a small part of the overall ouvre. The bulk of any quality surfing life is made up of clothing choices (Florence X Marine or Outerknown for example), what to eat post-surf (California burrito or plate lunch) and dialect (bro or brah) to name but a very few signifiers.

One of the biggest ticket items, of course, is what to drive.

A handful of years ago, Korean manufacturer Hyundai released the Santa Cruz and surfers near and far swooned at the surf-forward design (minus a bed too small for anything other than a mini Simmons. You can imagine the thrill, then, with Toyota’s new throwback concept, the 4Runner TRD Surf.

Per Can and Driver:

When the first Toyota 4Runner debuted in 1984, the off-roader sported two doors and a removable fiberglass rear canopy. While the 4Runner remains a close relative to Toyota’s midsize pickup truck offering, it’s grown more practical over the years, sprouting four doors and a permanently fixed roof. But for the 2024 SEMA show, Toyota has gone old school, converting a 2025 4Runner TRD Limited into an homage to the original with the 4Runner TRD Surf concept.

The most noticeable change is that the TRD Surf has two fewer doors, giving the concept a short wheelbase and a purposeful stance. The concept also measures two inches wider and rides on ginormous 37-inch tires wrapped around 17-inch custom wheels, contributing to the macho look. The deep blue paint is accented by turquoise, found in the stripes on the hood, the Toyota badge in the grille, a lowercase “turbo” script along the doors, and a series of stylized curves meant to emulate waves on the outside edges of the front bumper.

I am currently in Las Vegas and headed to the SEMA gala tonight as lady uck would have it, where the offroad vehicle is being debuted. I promise you, dear reader, that I will seek it out and see it, reporting back on its core factor.

More as the story develops, without doubt.

In the meantime, though, what was the best surf vehicle that you have ever owned?

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