Kelly Slater slams government incompetence in wild online rant
Kelly Slater says Laniakea road works can be fast-tracked and completed within a couple of weeks not two years.

Kelly Slater slams government incompetence over roadworks in front of his “unsellable” $20 million Hawaiian mansion

Champ says roadworks in front of his unsold mansion should take two weeks not two years!

Regular readers will know the epic tale of Kelly Slater’s sprawling beachfront mansion at Laniakea on Oahu’s North Shore that has languished unsold for most of the year, even after the surfing great dropped the price by a staggering $3.5 million. 

The eleven-time world champion who recently came out of retirement to compete in an exhibition event in France last month bought the six-bedroom, 7.5-bathroom house for a little under eight mill in 2017 and, earlier this year, perhaps to buy his unnamed son pretty things, put it on the market for twenty mill.

Despite the sprawling beachfront compound’s myriad delights, its Balinese theme a very good selling point for those with a taste for the exotic east and the joys of Hinduism, the joint has failed to generate any serious interest hence the wild 17.5% discount. 

Now, in a wild screed posted to Instagram, Kelly Slater has slammed Hawaiian authorities for their bungling surrounding the realignment of the Laniakea Highway. 

Kelly Slater slams government incompetence
Kelly Slater slams government incompetence.

If you live in these parts you’ll know it ain’t much fun driving the strip on weekends, or during events, and that little cord of bitumen can be your home for hours. 

Real simple: the parking lot at Laniakea is going to be shifted to the ocean side of the road thereby ending the traffic jams caused by people crossing the road and stopping cars for flying on through.

According to Kelly Slater the work is going to take up to two years, construction happening from morning to mid-afternoon Monday to Friday, and some Saturdays. 

But, says the Champ, “This project if done privately could take one to two weeks and be done at night.” 

Crazy if true!

Anyone who relocates parking lots for a living wanna chime in here?

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Surfers giddy over new surf-themed Toyota 4Runner TRD!

"Toyota has gone old school, converting a 2025 4Runner TRD Limited into an homage to the original with the 4Runner TRD Surf concept."

Any surfer worth her salt knows that sliding waves is only a small part of the overall ouvre. The bulk of any quality surfing life is made up of clothing choices (Florence X Marine or Outerknown for example), what to eat post-surf (California burrito or plate lunch) and dialect (bro or brah) to name but a very few signifiers.

One of the biggest ticket items, of course, is what to drive.

A handful of years ago, Korean manufacturer Hyundai released the Santa Cruz and surfers near and far swooned at the surf-forward design (minus a bed too small for anything other than a mini Simmons. You can imagine the thrill, then, with Toyota’s new throwback concept, the 4Runner TRD Surf.

Per Can and Driver:

When the first Toyota 4Runner debuted in 1984, the off-roader sported two doors and a removable fiberglass rear canopy. While the 4Runner remains a close relative to Toyota’s midsize pickup truck offering, it’s grown more practical over the years, sprouting four doors and a permanently fixed roof. But for the 2024 SEMA show, Toyota has gone old school, converting a 2025 4Runner TRD Limited into an homage to the original with the 4Runner TRD Surf concept.

The most noticeable change is that the TRD Surf has two fewer doors, giving the concept a short wheelbase and a purposeful stance. The concept also measures two inches wider and rides on ginormous 37-inch tires wrapped around 17-inch custom wheels, contributing to the macho look. The deep blue paint is accented by turquoise, found in the stripes on the hood, the Toyota badge in the grille, a lowercase “turbo” script along the doors, and a series of stylized curves meant to emulate waves on the outside edges of the front bumper.

I am currently in Las Vegas and headed to the SEMA gala tonight as lady uck would have it, where the offroad vehicle is being debuted. I promise you, dear reader, that I will seek it out and see it, reporting back on its core factor.

More as the story develops, without doubt.

In the meantime, though, what was the best surf vehicle that you have ever owned?

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Kevin Costner new surf horror film Headhunters.
“What ensues is an adventure turned survival story of epic and bloody proportions on a tropical island which once seemed to be paradise but is actually closer to hell.”

Surfers declare adult learner Kevin Costner “lame” as filming starts on star’s surf-horror flick Headhunters

"Kevin's buying up surfboards that are all wrong, and people think he's a joke."

Thirty years after the cult classic Waterworld where Kevin Costner played a mutated human with gill-like structures and webbed feet, capable of surviving in the post-apocalyptic, water-covered Earth, the almost seventy year old has come come under fire from surfers following the announcement of his surf-horror movie Headhunters.

Kevin Costner plays Lazer, “a washed-up American ex-pat with a mysterious past who finds himself living in Bali, Indonesia. Lazer recruits a group of surfers led by Bima, a local photographer, on a journey to an uncharted island to pioneer a ‘perfect wave.’ To their surprise, the island is home to an ancient tribe of headhunters guarding the land at all costs. What ensues is an adventure turned survival story of epic and bloody proportions on a tropical island which once seemed to be paradise but is actually closer to hell.”

Now, a real bitchy unnamed mole in the Costner camp has told Life and Style magazine the movie is actually a ploy for Costner to get a little surf cred.

“He’s been quietly trying to get in the surfing community for years and hasn’t even got a foot in the door because they think he’s lame and a Hollywood star who should stick to dry land. Surfers don’t like these amateurs infringing on their waves. Plus, he’s locked in this ‘I’m cool in my new life’ mode, and they’re saying, ‘Who does he think he is?'”

The insider said, “Kevin’s buying up surfboards that are all wrong, and people think he’s a joke. Bottom line is this is a very tight, cliquey, snobby community, and he’s not doing himself favours with his arrogance and by expecting people to fall to their feet.”

Also, Costner is “trying to channel his inner Baywatch by hiring surf trainer and getting out there early in the morning to catch the first waves. Kevin’s desperate to hang out with the surf crowd now that he’s got a new movie on the subject. The feeling is he should probably stay in the whitewater and avoid the big waves — and let the stuntman do the stunt work!

The insider then delivered their vicious coup de grâce.

“This is the way Kevin does things. But he’s got a long way to go, and he may never reach his goal because, let’s face it, he’s a lousy surfer.”

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Maurice Cole might be super rich now too. Maurice? Are you super rich?
Maurice Cole might be super rich now too. Maurice? Are you super rich?

Hawaii drowning in lucre after hit show “Rescue: HI-Surf” buries locals with over $31 million in wages!

"$33.85 million more has also gushed into the local economy through food purchases, lodging, equipment and stuff."

The Hawaiian Islands are known for many things including, but not limited to, Kelly Slater burritos, shave ice, duck tours, Roy’s fusion cusine, Spam musubi, sugar cane trains and seasonal drownings. Soon, though, that list might include Maybachs and Rolls-Royces purchased in bulk. But you are certainly aware of the new hit television drama “Rescue: HI-Surf” set on Oahu’s famed North Shore.

The series, a fan darling, has been soaring in the ratings as it features the action-packed days of North Shore lifeguards and, I assume, ambulance drivers.

Well, not only is it drawing millions of eyeballs, it is making locals millions upon millions of dollars.

Maui Now is reporting the program has “hired over 2,100 local cast and crew to be part of the first season. Collectively, the hires earned more than $31.75 million in wages.”

$31.75 million?

Eureka!

Native Hawaiian filmmaker Erin Lau, who is directing an upcoming episode, might be related to Zeke and might also be in the market for a new McLaren declared, “I am incredibly grateful for the support from our local film community and the collective of organizations and advocates that have helped me grow as a filmmaker and are empowering even more voices. Opportunities like this are essential for our emerging artists, and I’m thrilled to be part of ʻRescue: HI-Surf’ as it celebrates Hawai‘i’s creatives and stories.”

Maui Now has also deduced $33.85 million has gushed into the local economy through “food purchases, lodging, equipment and office rentals and goods and services from local vendors.”

I’ll be Jamie O’Briened!

Have you ever thought of moving to the islands and getting filthy rich?

Sorry, it’s too late.

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Maui surfer Kenji Nonka’s leg “severed at the knee” in shark attack, “I heard him screaming!”

"I call October Sharktober, especially out here in Hawaii as a surfer."

On a day when a Maui surfer was busy schlepping “Sharkbanz” on Instagram and referring to her arm, which was mutilated by a Tiger shark when she was fourteen as “Stumpy” another surfer is in hospital in a critical condition after being hit by a Tiger shark at popular surf spot, Sandpiles.

 

View this post on Instagram

 

A post shared by Bethany Hamilton (@bethanyhamilton)

Kenji Nonka, a well put-together sixty one year old who surfs every morning, usually at dawn, was hit just before seven am.

By the time Maui police, firefighters and first responders arrived at the scene, Kenji was on the beach, one leg completely severed just below the knee.

He was taken to Maui Memorial Medical in critical condition although he ain’t on death’s door at least according to a friend who said he’s pretty keen to get back in the drink, although he realises it’ll be as a boogie boarder.

Shades of the great Kai Mckenzie etc.

In an eerie coincidence, it was twenty one years, almost to the very day, since Bethany Hamilton was hit by a Tiger shark.

“October 31st is Stumpy’s birthday,” said Bethany. “It’s the day I lost my arm. And I call October Sharktober, especially out here in Hawaii as a surfer. Sharks are just way more active and it’s known that they’re migrating and getting ready to give birth. And Tiger sharks in particular are migrating and getting ready to give birth. And Tiger sharks in particular are coming closer to shore, so we tend to see them more or there tends to be more activity. But at the end of the day, the chances of you having an incident with a shark are very low.”

Throw some cash in the tank for Kenji Nonka here. 

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