Maurice Cole might be super rich now too. Maurice? Are you super rich?
Maurice Cole might be super rich now too. Maurice? Are you super rich?

Hawaii drowning in lucre after hit show “Rescue: HI-Surf” buries locals with over $31 million in wages!

"$33.85 million more has also gushed into the local economy through food purchases, lodging, equipment and stuff."

The Hawaiian Islands are known for many things including, but not limited to, Kelly Slater burritos, shave ice, duck tours, Roy’s fusion cusine, Spam musubi, sugar cane trains and seasonal drownings. Soon, though, that list might include Maybachs and Rolls-Royces purchased in bulk. But you are certainly aware of the new hit television drama “Rescue: HI-Surf” set on Oahu’s famed North Shore.

The series, a fan darling, has been soaring in the ratings as it features the action-packed days of North Shore lifeguards and, I assume, ambulance drivers.

Well, not only is it drawing millions of eyeballs, it is making locals millions upon millions of dollars.

Maui Now is reporting the program has “hired over 2,100 local cast and crew to be part of the first season. Collectively, the hires earned more than $31.75 million in wages.”

$31.75 million?

Eureka!

Native Hawaiian filmmaker Erin Lau, who is directing an upcoming episode, might be related to Zeke and might also be in the market for a new McLaren declared, “I am incredibly grateful for the support from our local film community and the collective of organizations and advocates that have helped me grow as a filmmaker and are empowering even more voices. Opportunities like this are essential for our emerging artists, and I’m thrilled to be part of ʻRescue: HI-Surf’ as it celebrates Hawai‘i’s creatives and stories.”

Maui Now has also deduced $33.85 million has gushed into the local economy through “food purchases, lodging, equipment and office rentals and goods and services from local vendors.”

I’ll be Jamie O’Briened!

Have you ever thought of moving to the islands and getting filthy rich?

Sorry, it’s too late.

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Maui surfer Kenji Nonka’s leg “severed at the knee” in shark attack, “I heard him screaming!”

"I call October Sharktober, especially out here in Hawaii as a surfer."

On a day when a Maui surfer was busy schlepping “Sharkbanz” on Instagram and referring to her arm, which was mutilated by a Tiger shark when she was fourteen as “Stumpy” another surfer is in hospital in a critical condition after being hit by a Tiger shark at popular surf spot, Sandpiles.

 

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A post shared by Bethany Hamilton (@bethanyhamilton)

Kenji Nonka, a well put-together sixty one year old who surfs every morning, usually at dawn, was hit just before seven am.

By the time Maui police, firefighters and first responders arrived at the scene, Kenji was on the beach, one leg completely severed just below the knee.

He was taken to Maui Memorial Medical in critical condition although he ain’t on death’s door at least according to a friend who said he’s pretty keen to get back in the drink, although he realises it’ll be as a boogie boarder.

Shades of the great Kai Mckenzie etc.

In an eerie coincidence, it was twenty one years, almost to the very day, since Bethany Hamilton was hit by a Tiger shark.

“October 31st is Stumpy’s birthday,” said Bethany. “It’s the day I lost my arm. And I call October Sharktober, especially out here in Hawaii as a surfer. Sharks are just way more active and it’s known that they’re migrating and getting ready to give birth. And Tiger sharks in particular are migrating and getting ready to give birth. And Tiger sharks in particular are coming closer to shore, so we tend to see them more or there tends to be more activity. But at the end of the day, the chances of you having an incident with a shark are very low.”

Throw some cash in the tank for Kenji Nonka here. 

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Breaking: World Surf League admits to lying about surf history so it can make better headlines

Bald-faced.

The champagne on Caitlin Simmers’ World Surf League Championship Tour trophy is now thoroughly dried though the memories of the young Oceanside local ripping through the field still feel fresh. Simmers, 18, came into the 2024 season like a roar after opting to sit 2023 out. An opening victory at Pipeline set the stage for a Lower Trestles ending wherein she hoisted the cup high above her head. The World Surf League quick to anoint her “youngest ever champ.”

Except.

She wasn’t.

Longboard champion Joel Tudor took to social media, almost immediately, to set the record straight, penning, “Youngest female world champion in history! 15 yr old Margo Oberg! Winning her first world title in 1968 at domes in Puerto Rico on a Mike Doyle shaped mini model …Margo would go on to win 4 more world titles that spanned from the longboard era into shortboarding making her the 3rd most winning lady champ behind Layne Beachley’s 7 and Steph Gilmore’s 8. Respect to fullness and hope to put some respect on your name and accomplishments! So lame the media today doesn’t do some homework before spitting info that’s not correct.”

The “global home of surfing” remained silent and maybe just an innocent mistake? Maybe not counting the primordial professional surfing stew as “official?”

Well.

Another youngest world champion happened to be working for the World Surf League at the time. One Rachael Tilly won the longboarding tour, then part of the Association of Surfing Professionals which morphed directly into the World Surf League, at 17, after making it her goal to be youngest champ ever when she was 11. Tilly took the issue directly to the League itself and was informed they did not care. That promoting Simmers as youngest ever made for better headlines and no correction or change would be forthcoming.

A wild bit of bald-faced nonsense that goes above and beyond.

This piece of news, which was shared to me by David Lee Scales in our twice weekly chat, took me aback. It’s one thing to be sloppy and silly, quite another to be purposefully deceitful in order to manipulate. His interview with Tilly will be published next week but in the meantime do you have thoughts on the World Surf League’s abject duplicity? Does it take you aback too?

David Lee and I also discussed shamed former CEO Erik Logan being a comedian and the life and death of Westerly Windina on today’s Grit.

Well worth a listen.

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Surf great Kelly Slater cruelly dismisses preeminent surf thinker Sam George as a nobody

"Who made this list?"

The surf world shifted on its axis, yesterday, after Kelly Slater, the world’s greatest competitive surfer, raked Sam George, the world’s most important surf thinker, with a vicious online takedown. At issue, the “10 most influential surf spots on the planet” as decreed by the aforementioned George and published upon The Inertia, the world’s most “definitive voice of surfing and the outdoors.”

After dismissing Slater’s Abu Dhabi facility as irrelevant, George declared, “There is a quantifiable list of global surf spots that over the decades have significantly affected the direction of the sport. Perhaps not the most ‘perfect’ waves, or hollowest, or prettiest or most famous. But based on any reasonable standard, certainly the most influential.”

The list.

10) Sebastian Inlet

9) North Narrabeen

8) Killers (Todos Santos)

7) Ala Moana

6) Peahi

5) Cape St. Frank

4) Malibu

3) Honolua Bay

2) Steamer Lane

1) Waikiki

Taking to Instagram, Slater responded in the cruelest, most dismissive way possible, simply writing, “Who made this list?”

Sam George certainly unable to hold the damn back on bitter tears. Not only was his eminence questioned, but his whole person apparently unknown.

Slater wasn’t alone in the demolition of the monument the self-appointed guru has made to himself. Conner Coffin chimed, “Bell’s Beach ! Snapper rocks!? Lowers!? Pipeline!? Random ass list!” Kolohe Andino added, “Whoever made this list should be fired. No pipeline?No lowers?!Hahahahhahahahahahahahhaha” Kelly Slater came back for seconds, filling out his initial eye poke with “I think a case could be made for that as it helped foster multiple world champions. Most people are probably caught up on what is best today but historically places like Ulu, J Bay, Pipeline, even Huntington played various influential roles in surfing. You’d likely have to have some yardstick as to why or how they did but Waimea would be there. Maybe even Bell’s as far as competition and history. But there are some glaring omissions and strange choices here IMO.”

Sam “Strange Choices” George.

Wellness check on him, please.

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Laird Hamilton interview: from supermodel and movie star to grand wizard of surfing!

"I find truth is in the ocean and the lies are on land!"

Let us speak frankly without adornment or ado. Laird Hamilton is the god of surfing.

Kelly Slater may be the greatest competitive surfer ever, Tom Curren the most beloved, but Laird Hamilton is surfing’s Poseidon and that reality snaps into hard focus as one ascends his Malibu Mount Olympus.

Some few miles north of First Point, and high into the hills, the Hamilton Pantheon has booming 280 degree Ocean Pacific views and is fronted by an oversized swimming pool where demigods like Rick Rubin and Spiderman Andrew Garfield wander wet.

Laird Hamilton was standing near the driveway when I pushed through the gate, extended a hand and gave me a firm “aloha.” His eyes, a sort of yellow/green that I had never seen on a human before, unwavering. I was instructed to get in my Ola Canvas trunks then get into the sauna because warming the body before working out in a cold pool is part of the program.

I had once publicly opined that I could smash Laird in a sauna-off, though after minute five I felt it would be more herculean a task then thought. It was a traditional steam sauna, not the new-fangled infrared sort, and hot. Sweat began pouring as Laird held court on a wide range of topics, from military philosophy to the importance of foundations.

Those inside, including an acclaimed Brazilian jiu-jitsu instructor and my pal Brendan, nodded along, adding dribs and drabs where appropriate, but mostly nodding along.

When Laird said it was time to get out and begin, after some thirty minutes, I followed.

Laird told me to get a snorkel mask. He told Brendan to get one too. Many dumbbells lined the pool. He selected two, 25 lbs each, and marched us to the deep end of the pool where we were instructed to get in and swim to the other side then back holding our breath. The water was clean and cold, containing zero chemicals or cleaners as I would later learn.

After our breath-holding swim, he demonstrated our next exercise, dropping to the bottom of the pool, 11 feet deep, with the weight, switching hands then pushing to the surface. After that we swam across the pool again, holding breath, this time holding the weight. On the third trip, I came up huffing and made some comment about my generally unhealthy lifestyle.

Laird just said, “There are no excuses.”

Another sauna session followed and this time we were joined by Laird’s wife Gabby. She is even more fierce than him, towering above and commanding more than equal attention. Amphitrite. The sauna conversation flowed, this time, to parenting, life in New York and Southern Methodist University.

There was absolutely no barrier, no arms-length or better-not-say-this-because-an-ill-suited-surf-journalist-is-sweating-on-the-bench. They dwell far above petty human concerns. Gossip and slander are only able to hurt mere mortals and I was warmed by their candor and by the steam.

Laird said that every son wants to take his father, the king’s, throne and every daughter her queen’s. Gabby shot him a wild side eye and responded, “They can have it,” though I can’t imagine anyone, not even the children of deities, being able to usurp.

Laird and Gabby have three daughters, the oldest a senior in high school.

Laird left the sauna, again, after thirty minutes, and I followed thus officially beating him in the sauna-off by seconds. This time, back in the pool, we did jumping jacks in the deeper end with weights. Laird said part of the deal is to prepare the body for a wipeout at Jaws.

“Anyone can hold their breath for five minutes in the right conditions,” he declared, “but it becomes much more difficult under duress.” I doubt I will ever surf Jaws. I also doubt that I could hold my breath for five minutes in the right conditions. I also make excuses.

The training could have continued, Laird Hamilton seemed to be in zero hurry, but I felt it important to get the interview recorded in case I died. We followed Gabby inside where she made mugs of Laird Coffee with Laird Creamer for Brendan and Milo, who was running the camera. I told her Brendan invested in Laird Superfood. She apologized needlessly though graciously.

The stock price has rebounded.

And then it was time to Hate Surfing with Laird Hamilton. We sat across from each other, a gorgeous dining room table betwixt.

There was no push out the door when it all ended, no looking at wristwatch anxiously. Laird made me a hydrating water and we talked some more in the kitchen before I excused myself and drove back down Mount Malibu, back to where common folk fight about dumb stuff, with a genuine appreciation of Laird Hamilton. He, at once, cares extremely much and not at all.

Some wild yin-yang as unique as his eyes.

I Hate Surfing 14 ounce Trucker’s Mug, hand-made by master Australian ceramicist Damion Fuller available here. Chunky seventies-style ashtrays too! Both ship internationally. 

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