Surf great Kelly Slater cruelly dismisses
preeminent surf thinker Sam George as a nobody
By Chas Smith
"Who made this list?"
The surf world shifted on its axis, yesterday,
after Kelly Slater, the world’s greatest competitive surfer, raked
Sam George, the world’s most important surf thinker, with a vicious
online takedown. At issue, the “10 most influential surf
spots on the planet” as decreed by the aforementioned
George and published upon The Inertia, the world’s most “definitive
voice of surfing and the outdoors.”
After dismissing Slater’s Abu Dhabi facility as irrelevant,
George declared, “There is a quantifiable list of global surf spots
that over the decades have significantly affected the direction of
the sport. Perhaps not the most ‘perfect’ waves, or hollowest, or
prettiest or most famous. But based on any reasonable standard,
certainly the most influential.”
The list.
10) Sebastian Inlet
9) North Narrabeen
8) Killers (Todos Santos)
7) Ala Moana
6) Peahi
5) Cape St. Frank
4) Malibu
3) Honolua Bay
2) Steamer Lane
1) Waikiki
Taking to Instagram, Slater responded in the cruelest, most
dismissive way possible, simply writing, “Who made this list?”
Sam George certainly unable to hold the damn back on bitter
tears. Not only was his eminence questioned, but his whole person
apparently unknown.
Slater wasn’t alone in the demolition of the monument the
self-appointed guru has made to himself. Conner Coffin chimed,
“Bell’s Beach ! Snapper rocks!? Lowers!? Pipeline!? Random ass
list!” Kolohe Andino added, “Whoever made this list should be
fired. No pipeline?No lowers?!Hahahahhahahahahahahahhaha” Kelly
Slater came back for seconds, filling out his initial eye poke with
“I think a case could be made for that as it helped foster multiple
world champions. Most people are probably caught up on what is best
today but historically places like Ulu, J Bay, Pipeline, even
Huntington played various influential roles in surfing. You’d
likely have to have some yardstick as to why or how they did but
Waimea would be there. Maybe even Bell’s as far as competition and
history. But there are some glaring omissions and strange choices
here IMO.”
Sam “Strange Choices” George.
Wellness check on him, please.
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Chas Smith and Laird Hamilton at the Hamilton
Malibu compound and, inset, a surf god with a I Hate Surfing
trucker's mug. Ships internationally etc.
Laird Hamilton interview: from supermodel
and movie star to grand wizard of surfing!
By Chas Smith
"I find truth is in the ocean and the lies are on
land!"
Let us speak frankly without adornment or ado.
Laird Hamilton is the god of surfing.
Some few miles north of First Point, and high into the hills,
the Hamilton Pantheon has booming 280 degree Ocean Pacific views
and is fronted by an oversized swimming pool where demigods like
Rick Rubin and Spiderman Andrew
Garfield wander wet.
Laird Hamilton was standing near the driveway when I pushed
through the gate, extended a hand and gave me a firm “aloha.” His
eyes, a sort of yellow/green that I had never seen on a human
before, unwavering. I was instructed to get in my Ola Canvas
trunks then get into the sauna because warming the body before
working out in a cold pool is part of the program.
I had once publicly opined that I could smash Laird in a
sauna-off, though after minute five I felt it would be more
herculean a task then thought. It was a traditional steam sauna,
not the new-fangled infrared sort, and hot. Sweat began pouring as
Laird held court on a wide range of topics, from military
philosophy to the importance of foundations.
Those inside, including an acclaimed Brazilian jiu-jitsu
instructor and my pal Brendan, nodded along, adding dribs and drabs
where appropriate, but mostly nodding along.
When Laird said it was time to get out and begin, after some
thirty minutes, I followed.
Laird told me to get a snorkel mask. He told Brendan to get one
too. Many dumbbells lined the pool. He selected two, 25 lbs each,
and marched us to the deep end of the pool where we were instructed
to get in and swim to the other side then back holding our breath.
The water was clean and cold, containing zero chemicals or cleaners
as I would later learn.
After our breath-holding swim, he demonstrated our next
exercise, dropping to the bottom of the pool, 11 feet deep, with
the weight, switching hands then pushing to the surface. After that
we swam across the pool again, holding breath, this time holding
the weight. On the third trip, I came up huffing and made some
comment about my generally unhealthy lifestyle.
Laird just said, “There are no excuses.”
Another sauna session followed and this time we were joined by
Laird’s wife Gabby. She is even more fierce than him, towering
above and commanding more than equal attention. Amphitrite. The
sauna conversation flowed, this time, to parenting, life in New
York and Southern Methodist University.
There was absolutely no barrier, no arms-length or
better-not-say-this-because-an-ill-suited-surf-journalist-is-sweating-on-the-bench.
They dwell far above petty human concerns. Gossip and slander are
only able to hurt mere mortals and I was warmed by their candor and
by the steam.
Laird said that every son wants to take his father, the king’s,
throne and every daughter her queen’s. Gabby shot him a wild side
eye and responded, “They can have it,” though I can’t imagine
anyone, not even the children of deities, being able to usurp.
Laird and Gabby have three daughters, the oldest a senior in
high school.
Laird left the sauna, again, after thirty minutes, and I
followed thus officially beating him in the sauna-off by seconds.
This time, back in the pool, we did jumping jacks in the deeper end
with weights. Laird said part of the deal is to prepare the body
for a wipeout at Jaws.
“Anyone can hold their breath for five minutes in the right
conditions,” he declared, “but it becomes much more difficult under
duress.” I doubt I will ever surf Jaws. I also doubt that I could
hold my breath for five minutes in the right conditions. I also
make excuses.
The training could have continued, Laird Hamilton seemed to be
in zero hurry, but I felt it important to get the interview
recorded in case I died. We followed Gabby inside where she made
mugs of Laird Coffee with Laird Creamer for Brendan and Milo, who
was running the camera. I told her Brendan invested in Laird
Superfood. She apologized needlessly though graciously.
There was no push out the door when it all ended, no looking at
wristwatch anxiously. Laird made me a hydrating water and we talked
some more in the kitchen before I excused myself and drove back
down Mount Malibu, back to where common folk fight about dumb
stuff, with a genuine appreciation of Laird Hamilton. He, at once,
cares extremely much and not at all.
China's surf future (pictured) in Switzerland. Photo:
Oliver Stagier
China hemorrhaging surf Olympians to
Switzerland in wake of draconian anti-surf laws
By Chas Smith
"Even Switzerland is building a national team. Why?
Because surfing is now an Olympic sport.”
It was only a matter of time before China
entered the scene as a potential surfing superpower. The proud
nation of over 1.4 billion has been on an absolute tear since
Chairman Mao Zedong transformed it from a imperialist playground
into a workers’ paradise some seventy-five odd years ago. China has
mastered copyright infringement, manufacturing and, of course,
sport, tying the United States for gold medal totals at the
recently-wrapped Paris Olympiad.
Most those baubles were, of course were in shooting, diving and
table tennis but for the first time in history, a Chinese surfer
paddled out into the brine, competing for the five-star red.
Yes, Siqi Yang captured hearts worldwide, JP Currie writing in
preview, “And then there’s sheer disbelief in the case
of China’s Yang Siqi, the girl raised in landlocked China, just
fifteen years old, who only saw the sea for the first time six
years ago. Now, she will be cast into Teahupo’o’s maw.”
Yang proved herself brave and true, fearless and the potential
dawn of a brave new surfing world ruled by the east. Alas,
draconian anti-surfing laws in Hong Kong might end the dream before
it begins with landlocked Switzerland reaping the rewards.
Little Mahohi Nguyen Tang, 10, and something of a surfing
prodigy dreams of being a professional surfer and, of course, a
surf Olympian though is not allowed to train at Big Wave Bay. Thus
his parents, both Swiss citizens, are taking the boy to “Europe’s
Playground” in order to get him the necessary wave time.
“His level has exploded since surfing there. The Swiss national
team also trains there, and he was spotted by one of the coaches,”
his father, withholding name, shared with the South China Morning
Post. “Even Switzerland is building a national team.
Why? Because surfing is now an Olympic sport.”
Local lawmaker Adrian Pedro Ho King-Hong declared it was sad to
see Hong Kong, and China, lose a potential star, and he was
“puzzled” by the government’s approach to the sport. “Hong Kong has
always been strong when it comes to oceanic sports, our first
Olympic gold was in windsurfing. The lack of support regarding this
particular sport [surfing] is puzzling, to say the least.”
He declared that he will fight for easing restrictions while
Nguyen Tang’s father opined, “Absolutely [we would consider
representing Hong Kong], we would be so proud, and I think Hong
Kong people would be proud [but] I don’t even think there is a
national Hong Kong surfing team.”
Much work to be done before LA ’28.
Reconstitute those Slater-Bundchen candles, please.
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Shane Stedman, inset, and burnt-out 150k Toyota Sahara,
stolen after thieves robbed Shane at knife point in home
invasion.
Knife-wielding intruders rob octogenarian
founder of Ugg boot empire in his bed as crime wave overwhelms surf
town!
By Derek Rielly
"Our community is increasingly concerned about the
burglaries, car thefts and home invasions in Crescent Head. In some
cases, weapons have been used to threaten residents in their own
homes."
A few years back, just after he turned eighty, Shane had surgery
to remove “balloons” in his chest. These growths squashed his
lungs, reducing his ability to breathe by eighty-five percent.
Crescent Head, if you didn’t know, has a slow point break, which
is popular with longboarders and Great White sharks,
sometimes both at the same
time, and miles of beachbreaks that can get pretty
dang good.
It’s also become a hot spot for crime with the area’s Mayor
writing a letter to the state’s Minister for Police and
Counter-terrorism asking for a little help.
In part,
I write to bring to your attention the severe escalation of
youth crime across the Kempsey Shire, and to seek your support for
the implementation of 24-hour Police staffing in South West Rocks
and Crescent Head communities to help mitigate the serious public
safety situation that exists. Current Escalation in Crime
Our community is growing increasingly concerned about the
ongoing serious incidents of burglaries, car thefts and home
invasions that have occurred across the Shire, particularly in
South West Rocks and Crescent Head. In some cases, weapons have
been used to threaten residents in their own homes and businesses
and it is evident that a greater Police presence is urgently
needed.
Shane Stedman is the latest victim in the crime wave. He was
robbed at knife point at three am in his bed and his brand new
Toyota Sahara, a 150k whip, was stolen and later found burned
out.
On Facebook Shane wrote:
Impossible to recognise as my ‘top of the range’ Toyota
Landcruiser Sahara 300 series, with a little over 10,000kms on the
clock. At 3am a few weeks ago, I was rudely awakened with a torch
in my face, and a demanding voice “where’s your money – where’s
your money”. I quickly yelled “I don’t have any”, and by the time I
got out of my recliner sleeping chair, the 3 intruders had grabbed
Jenny’s handbag with phone, cards etc and stolen both of our
cars. Good thing I have a strong heart!!
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Former Super Girl Pro champ Caroline Marks and Jett
(insert),
Rock ‘n’ roll loving surf fans pump fists
after Joan Jett announced as headliner for the Super Girl Surf
Pro
By Chas Smith
"I wanna be where the boys are."
Now, we all know that surfing has lost a little of its
“cool.” maybe even a lot of it. Surf coach parents, Abu
Dhabi wave tanks, magic wetsuits, Wavestorms, Bay Boy decimation
etc. etc. and so it is completely understandable that surf fans,
far and wide, joined in a collective fist pumping after Joan Jett &
the Blackhearts were announced as headliners for the U.S. Air Force Super Girl
Pro which is slated to run Nov. 8 – 10 at Jacksonville
Beach, Florida.
Cherry bomb.
The contest, deemed the “world’s largest female surf event in
the world” Word Qualifying Series 3000 meaning that winners will
obtain points for the Championship Tour.
As it so happens, CeeLo Greenn will also be performing. He was
once partners with Andre 3000.
Love is pain.
The draw
includes 96 of the hottest up-and-comers around including Zoe
Benedetto, Nora Liotta, Kirra Pinkerton, Zoe McDougall, Kohai
Fierro and more.
Fake friends.
Surfline is reporting current conditions in Jacksonville Beach
to be “solid chunky wind peaks. Strong onshore winds and choppy
conditions,” and projecting clean 3 – 4ft surf for the contest
window.
You don’t know what you got.
Joan Jett & the Blackhearts will take the stage Saturday night
on Saturday, Nov 9th and be proceeded by Hello Sister, Hannah
Wicklund and Artikal Sound System. The show is free.
I wanna be where the boys are.
The World Surf League has, of course, tried its hand at musical
artists and Championship Tour competitions. Who could forget two
years ago when…. a popular band played at the Surf Ranch Pro? With
Abu Dhabi coming up, might the “global home of surfing” dip its
hand back into that bag and invite a musical act to close it
out?
