Big ugly.
As Southern California’s surfers know, a massive swell event is heading to our shores. Waves big in San Diego, bigger in Los Angeles, biggest in Ventura. Santa Barbara? Bigger than biggest and extremely scary. Hell chargers like Jen See will, of course, be waxing guns and ready for anything. Actors like Kevin Costner maybe not so ready and getting the hell out.
The Field of Dreams star was snapped by paparazzi fleeing the American Riviera with two hideously thicc rail’d surfboards attached to a very fine Ford F-150 roof. He was at the local airport, hopping on a private jet wearing and, according to The Daily Mail, “rocking shades, a black shirt, blue jeans and camel-colored cowboy boots…”
Very sexy.
For a reason?
Digital sleuths immediately wondered if he was secretly rendezvousing with Jewel, the singer-songwriter he has been romancing since divorcing his wife who refused to leave his house.
Messy.
Jewel was born in Alaska but moved to San Diego to play various coffeehouses and surf. She became famous for her hit 1995 album Pieces of Me, dated Sean Penn, married a professional rodeo cowboy, divorced him and now is with Costner whose wife is hopefully out of his house.
A bystander, anyhow, said, “He just looked like such a movie star getting out of this big black truck and stepping onto his private plane. Everybody was like, ‘Oh, look!’ The man looks really good for his age, like a real cowboy in that monster truck and boots.”
She was clearly not a surfer because his boards were, legitimately, big suck. If he is hoping to impress Jewel, he might be in big trouble.
Or maybe not.
Who knows what she’s into, surfboard-wise.
I hope not his gross sins against Devon Howard.
Yuck city.
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right points also have lefts!
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One day in the late 00s it was like 14ft @ 17 sec on the Harvest buoy, Strand was obvs maxed out, so a buddy and I packed it up, threw bikes in the truck, and headed north. We ‘d heard the PCH was closed at Emma from the south and the old Oil Piers exit from the north, due to flooding. That would mean basically empty Pitas. We parked at Pipe and biked up the coast, boards under the arms. Riding along the closed PCH from Emma, the sea was indeed actually coming up and over the rocks at various places up to Solimar, so there was zero people and zero cars along the route. We were about to score. We made it to Mondos. A CHP officer was stationed there, monitoring the situation and ostensibly enforcing the residents-only access along PCH. He was straight from the “give me a southern redneck sheriff-type” at central casting, smoking a cigar, sitting in his driver’s seat with his cowboy boots up on the side view mirror. He saw us, and in a southern accent, said, “What in the hell is wrong with you boys?!?! You’re crazy! It’s jacking up out there like Why-a-mee-yuh!” Mondos was definitely maxing out, 3rd reefing, maybe 3 ft. CA scale. I’ll never forget it. Why-a-mee-yuh!!!!
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One of the realities of the east coast vs the west coast = when it’s big on the east coast, the paddle out is a complete bitch at all but a handful of spots. So if you’re actually sitting in the lineup on a day like that, by definition you are not an earnest dork. Or maybe you are, but you’re a hell of a paddler and duck diver too.
Penis enlargement ads have a lot to answer for
I’m sorry this happened to you, Jen. Yuck.
W.H.O will save his Soul. Pzfer I mean Michelle..
I remember when she was dating Former Jets QB Mark Sanchez, definitely a step down for the snaggle-toothed queen.
Telltale sign is the boards with the noses pointing forward on the racks.
I like to get so many reps in just before a big swell hits that when D-Day comes, I’m so repped out I need to take a few days’ rest to let the body heal. Usually comes good just as the swell’s fading.
I was about to share some truths about my own experiences with private planes in the olden days, but it looked too bloody ridiculous and unbelievable once I’d written it down so i deleted it…
BG should do a makeshift Surf1oo with Kevin Costner, Rob Lowe, Jonah Hill, and Jewel. A celebrity super heat at Mondos with comment section open. Online betting and odds will be set up via Draftkings days prior to heat starting. We can bet on who will catch the most waves, most waves surfed from beginning to end and a bonus prize for who guesses who gets the longest ride. Judging will not be based on style or progression (Pointless). Foiling is not only allowed but encouraged. The only rule would be that a rider must be on his feet to deem a ride complete. Let the carnage and comments ensue.
I’ve had enough of the faux cowboy Costner, riding the coattails of a cowboy series filled with inaccuracies of the day in the life of a cowboy and ranch life…and now he shifts to surfing. But that Jewel…she can surf anytime!
“ since divorcing his wife who refused to leave his house.”
God gave us the power to make fire for a reason
My youngest daughter once swallowed one of my wife’s diamond ear-rings. Had to wait til she shat it out. When she did, there it was, glistening deep in her nappies, our “jewel in the brown”
Did she sing, “what if God was one of us” or “fade into you”?