Shocking.

There are not many rules in surf journalism. It is, generally speaking, a literary Wild West where there can be spelled their, roll can be spelled role and Selema Masekela can. Now that I think upon it their are no rules, save one.

Thou shalt not misidentify professional surfers.

A photo of Ace Buchan marked as a photo of Jodie Cooper, for example, would have required the head of the caption writer. Him being paraded out into the parking lot, stripped of Billabong shirt and guillotined in front of cheering editors, associate editors and editors-at-large.

While print publications have all but died, along with their editors, associate editors and editors-at-large, fidelity to knowing a Conner Coffin from a Parker Coffin has remained.

Or remained until the re-animated corpse of once-proud Surfer Magazine was jumped to life by The Arena Group and turned into an Inertia-inspired house of horrors. The “Bible of the Sport” might have been forgiven for hiring a Tennessee resident who enjoyed “strong coffee” to cover surfing from the shadow of the Smoky Mountains.

It cannot be forgiven for calling Nathan Florence Nathan Fletcher.

Literally.

Nathan Florence Nathan Fletcher.

OMG Surfer. Pull it together.

"To teach a man poo stance is rude no matter how much one opposes his politics."

Now, we all know that wake surfing is not surfing, though the mainstream media does not know that. I suppose various non-surf journalists must not be blamed. Kelly Slater, the world’s greatest surfer, made one giant wake surfing pond and called it Surf Ranch. He made another one in Abu Dhabi and called it Surf Mazraea.

In any case, Orange County influencer Kaz Sawyer just played the dirtiest of surf pranks on Republican presidential hopeful Vivek Ramaswamy.

Sawyer, who can often be seen on his social media channels surf checking with a Slater Designs board, took the tech entrepreneur-cum-politician out in Miami.

Ramaswamy, though trailing in the polls by a wide margin, has made a name for himself by being a plucky li’l fella on stage. He happened to be in Miami, in fact, for the third Republican debate. Pundits called his performance “unhinged.”

Sawyer, maybe wanting to rub dirt in the open wound, decided to take Ramaswamy out on the waters. “Teaching the future President how to surf,” he wrote.

The gag, on the surface, was to have Vivek Ramaswamy “surf” in a business suit. The dirtiest of surf pranks, though, more subtle.

“First I taught him some of the basics,” Sawyer voices over.

Those “basics” a tutorial on poo stance.

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Vivek Ramaswamy’s stance is so poo that it has been rated PG-13.

It is so poo that the World Surf League is considering naming him honorary 2015 World Champion.

To teach a man poo stance is rude no matter how much one opposes his politics.

Shame on you, Kaz Sawyer.

“They ruled out heart attack, they ruled out stroke, there were no injuries..."

A mysterious tragedy struck San Francisco’s Ocean Beach, days ago. Longtime local, and father of two, Kirby Lee was in the lineup, enjoying an unseasonably calm day. Light winds, “tiny” waves according to another local. The meteorologist called it 3 – 5 foot. Next thing anyone knew, Lee was unconscious in the water. A fellow surfer paddled him to shore where CPR was administered until the firemen arrived.

Fire Department Capt. Justin Schorr said Lee was “pulseless and not breathing.” They rushed him to UCSF Medical Center, where he was put on life support. Yesterday, he was taken off.

Cause of death?

Lee’s sister told SF Gate, “They ruled out heart attack, they ruled out stroke, there were no injuries, nothing on the outside of this body that indicated he had been hit by his board and knocked unconscious, nothing. We asked the doctors so many times. It sounded like they were very thorough. It’s a mystery.”

Lee grew up in San Bernardino, teaching himself to surf in Orange County as a teenager. He did his undergraduate studies at San Diego State and UC Santa Barbara and got a degree in biopsychology. Next came a master’s in pharmacology at Boston University before a received a doctor of pharmacology at UCSF where he remained an associate professor.

He lived at Ocean Beach, with his family, and loved when it got big. Friend and fellow surfer Sam Awad said, “I would sit with him and many times I would go inside to get more of the smaller waves. He had great patience and would always wait for the larger sets to come through and pick off some of the biggest, longest and best-shaped waves. Kirby had no fear and seemed always calm in heavy surf.”

Lee surfed all around the world but was very much a part of the tight knit OB community.

The mystery of his death, no visible trauma, no understandable cause, a baffling puzzle.

Gabriel Medina, Filipe Toledo, Italo Ferreira, Taylor Swift.

If there is anything we know about Brazilian surf fans, it is that they are passionate. The descriptor is used as every third word when the World Surf League rolls into town for its yearly stop. Passionate, passionate, passionate, passionate. Joe Turpel says “passionate.” Strider Wasilewski says “passionate.” Chief of Sport Jessi Miley-Dyer says “passionate.”

Passion is used too.

But it is true. Brazilian surf fans passionately threaten visiting Australian professionals with death. They passionately declare the fix is in even though the country has claimed three titles in a row and four of the last six.

Brazilian surf fans simply do it passionately better.

And so you could imagine the thrill rippling though the Brazilian surf fan ranks with the imminent arrival of Taylor Swift. The tour de force will drop into Rio de Janeiro November 17 for her wildly acclaimed Era’s Tour. Tickets are going for “ridiculously cheap,” maybe because of the rumored romance between Swift and Brazilian foil John John Florence.

Still, exciting.

So exciting that one Brazilian surf fan thought it would be only right for the city’s iconic Christ the Redeemer statue to wear a Taylor Swift t-shirt to greet her. Anthony Roberto Justus, who counts Gabriel Medina amongst his favorite stars, sent his idea to the mayor Eduardo Paes. Paes responded, “I’m going to ask dear Father Omar to see if we can get this honor. He’s the guy who runs the projections.” Father Omar responded, “We received your comments with great joy and await contact from the singer’s advisors.”

Hopefully the advisors ok the concept.

Also hopefully the World Surf League is watching.

Which jersey would Christ the Redeemer wear best?

Ethan Ewing’s?

Don’t be racist.