California surfers beg for relief as yet another super swell arrives

Surfline, save us!

The old chestnut “be careful what you wish for, it might just come true” has never meant more to California’s surfers who suffered through one of worst summer/autumn dry spells in recorded history are now entering their tenth consecutive day of mega swell. Shorelines being lit right up. From Santa Cruz’s Steamer Lane to Ventura’s Rincon all the way down to La Jolla’s Blacks, ten days of big and bigger surf and counting.

Early “stoke” and “glee” has given way to an overwhelming sense of dread as Golden State sliders check the forecast and see phrases like “new NW energy moves in” or “swell in water being reinforced,” wondering if shoulders can take any more. If marriages, family well-being, employment can take any more too.

A brutal run that, currently, has no end in sight.

California, recognizing an impending collapse, has urged residents to “stop going to the beach” though surfers, as is their wont, are not listening very well.

But do you live here?

Are your shoulders sore?

Is marriage failing?

More importantly, what have you been riding?

Share, please.

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Ross Clarke Jones almost loses hand in horror wipeout.
Ross Clarke-Jones gets on a heater while contest nurse saves his paw.

Big-wave legend Ross Clarke-Jones’ hand “close to being amputated” after wipeout on thirty-foot wave

Surf icon enjoys cigarette after wiepout that nearly cost him his paw!

The Australian big-wave surf icon, Ross Clarke-Jones, affectionately known in celebrity circles as Mad Dog, has narrowly avoided having his hand amputated after a wipeout on a thirty-foot wave at the recently completed Eddie Aikau Big Wave Invitational.

Ross, who was famously born on 6/6/66, has long eluded all methods available in the drama of nature to eliminate him from this earthly realm.

Five years ago, while appearing in a Celebrity Survivor series, Ross snapped his ankle on a rope swing, an injury so devastating he was “totally incapacitated, depressed, broke and anxious”.

Two years without surfing. Couldn’t even step on a surfboard. Was scared of even going into the water in case he fell and did more damage.

Says if he’d had a gun he would’ve shot himself.

At this year’s Eddie contest, Ross, who won the event in 2001, wiped out, snapped his board and the fibreglass shredded his hand so bad the contest nurse said he was this close to losing his paw.

Pretty minor injury for ol Ross, who busted his ribs and was knocked unconscious on this third visit to Hawaii in 1987. In 1992, he was nearly despatched to heaven while surfing in Indonesia. That same year, he busted his back surfing Off the Wall and in 1998, him and his tow buddy Tony Ray got belted by a monster set at Outside Log Cabins and were eventually found, floating on their flooded jetski, outside of Haleiwa Harbour.

Yeah, and in 2019, Nazaré almost got him.

What impresses most about this particular injury, this event, is Ross’ response, calmly enjoying a heater while the nurse pulls the shards of fibreglass out of his myriad wounds, and which was posted on his son Kanan’s Instagram.

“Edit goes hard,” writes Nathan Florence.

Ross’ old sparring partner Rob Bain, who nearly drowned at the Billabong Pro at Waimea Bay in 1986 and who celebrated his new shot at life with a cigarette on the beach wrote,

“Marlboro light and a beer at the bay. Brings back memories!! Onya.”

Glory days.

 

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A post shared by Kanan Clarke-Jones (@kanancj)

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Famously sober Ben Gravy (pictured in Korea) with nothing to worry about.
Famously sober Ben Gravy (pictured in Korea) with nothing to worry about.

Korea moves to ban surfing while boozed

Blood alcohol level of at least 0.03 to be met with stiff fine.

It’s the day after Christmas, in America and Europe. The day after Boxing Day in Australia. Surfers in all lands attempting to rinse off the holiday overindulgences. A few martinis too many, or extra three bottles of wine, leading to a painful morning. The flickering hope, though, that maybe just maybe some saltwater and wave wiggles will help chase the poison away and return the body and mind to its stasis.

The tried and true hangover session.

Alas, come 2025, Korean surfers will have to tend to their delirium tremens in some other way as the proud peninsula is officially moving to ban boozed surfing. Starting on June 21, any boardrider on high-performance shortboard, single-finned glider or Steve Lis fish who is found to be in the lineup with a blood alcohol level of at least 0.03 will be fined 1 million won, or $685 USD.

The same penalty dished out to those who refuse the sobriety test.

Kim Jong-wook, head of the Coast Guard, told The Korea Times, “With the revision of the law, we will continue to identify unreasonable rules with regard to public safety and strengthen penalties realistically.”

Tipsy jet-skiing has been banned for years.

Now, if you were a surfer living in Land of the Morning Calm, would this specter be enough for a considered move north to the Democratic People’s Republic? Beloved YouTubber Ben Gravy explored that coastline a few years back though is famously sober so will have nothing to worry about in South Korea come summer.

While I have never, personally, visited either Koreas, I rank the national cuisine in my top five. Bulgogi, bibimbap, galbi, samgyeopsal, chimaek, tteobokki, jjambbong, doenjang jjigae, chuncheon dakgalbi, nakji bokkeum kimchi stew… I could go on and on, here.

Anyhow, did you have an enjoyable Christmas? Any New Year’s plans?

Share, please.

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Kelly Slater shines spotlight on Indonesian custom of kidnapping children at Christmas.
Little man gets put in Black Santa's sack, enjoyed immensely by Kelly Slater as evidenced by praise hands emoji.

Kelly Slater shines spotlight on bizarre Indonesian custom of “kidnapping” children at Christmas

“Black Santa reflects Indonesia's diverse cultural tapestry, where local traditions blend with those from colonial history.”

The world’s greatest surfer, Kelly Slater as if it had to be said, is a persecuted luminary, a mystico-elitist misunderstood by the common run of men.

The eleven-time world champion, who will turn fifty-three, in short course is always ahead of the curve, whether it be the dangers of blindly following government mandate, circumcision or matters of geo-political significance.

He will often hit back at historically inaccurate trolls, delivering the dagger blow, his coup de grace, with precise timing and accuracy.

Accusing me of being a racist? My girlfriend is Chinese. You’re on glue,” he told one troll. “You’re a miserable coward. And now you’re blocked.”

Earlier today, to mark the celebration of the birth of the Jewish rabbi Jesus in Judea 2024 years ago, Kelly Slater shared a reel of a child being “kidnapped” as part of Indonesia’s notorious Santa Black pranks, a legacy of its Dutch colonial masters.

In Indonesia, particularly in areas influenced by Dutch culture, Christmas celebrations include figures like Sinterklas (Santa Claus) and Zwarte Piet (Black Piet). Zwarte Piet is traditionally portrayed as Santa’s helper who, according to folklore, would take bad chillun away in his sack.

The little ones are not actually taken away, of course, but have the hell scared out of ’em and are subsequently rewarded with gifts or candy.

Kelly Slater enjoyed the show immensely as evidenced by his use of the praise hand emoji on his repost.

New York’s Hamptons, Beverly Hills in Los Angeles and Saint Tropez in France have a similar tradition. Children are taken away to what are called White Parties, although their fates remain, to this day, unknown.

Happy Christmas everyone!

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Mavericks called biggest ever as “strong and tall waves” detonate off Half Moon Bay

Fit as fiddles.

It’s the sort of surf that is not for everyone. Cold and mean. Energized by rage-filled deep ocean storms. Very scary. Described as “strong and tall waves” by the local San Francisco NBC affiliate, Mavericks served up what many are calling “biggest ever” during this recent holiday run of swell.

Though shrouded in fog, those in the know declared and/or flying drones declared heights to be 60+ ft.

Double Eddie.

Chase LaRue, a surfer from Santa Cruz who made his way into Mavericks famed lineup, and declared it “righteous.”

“Pretty righteous conditions out there. The swell started filling in an eventually a nice solid peak came my way, and I stroked into and scored it,” he shared, adding, “When I see the swell on the horizon, and we know it is out in the ocean 1,000 miles away, we know it is on its way, and I am just biting my nails. I am holding my breath, getting ready for these sessions. It is such a relief, actually.”

Jack Pearson, a model helicopter pilot from San Francisco, opined, “I have seen a lot of guys basically risking their lives on these really big waves. I get nervous watching these guys. Just with the size of these waves. I don’t think I’ve been out here on a day like this where it is this big.”

Triple Eddie?

Determine for yourself above.

And Merry Christmas one and all!

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