Lady Gaga (left) vs. Matt Biolos (right per the norm).
Lady Gaga (left) vs. Matt Biolos (right per the norm).

Blood Feud: Lost Surfboards sues Lady Gaga over use of “Mayhem”

An unfolding constitutional crisis.

Constitutional crises continue to crash around the world’s winningest surfboard shaper Matt “Mayhem” Biolos. Yesterday saw San Clemente’s coolest-looking mom verbally taunted by so-called “1st amendment auditors” looking to test the outer-limits of protected speech. After asking the TikToker not to film his family, the social pest whipped back, “How about don’t talk to me. Leave me alone, sir, my personal security guard is going to get you.”

Today, sees Article 1 Section 8 Clause 8 in play though, this time, Biolos is the one flexing muscle. Lady Gaga, you see, has swooped on stylized “Mayhem,” titling her new album and upcoming tour such. The only problem is that the mark has been owned and used by Lost for ten years.

According to TMZ, the Lost team reached out to Ms. Gaga with concerns though were rebuffed and, thus, forced to sue for damages.

I’m no great legal mind, but imagine the surfboard company has a very strong case. Contrary to popular opinion, there is no “has-to-be-30%-different” rule when it comes to infringement. Each is examined on a case-by-case basis as it relates to similarities. To be quite honest, I always thought Biolos and crew sampled their “Mayhem” from Motley Crue drummer Tommy Lee’s belly but the two marks are certainly unique.

The question, I suppose, is how much money Lost might be entitled to?

A further question, will Ms. Gaga be barred from surfing Lowers until she apologizes?

Lady Gaga (pictured) at Uppers.
Lady Gaga (pictured) at Uppers.

While the Lost team in engaging lawyers, dragging Ms. Gaga to court etc. they should also sue her for performance in The House of Gucci.

What a terrible, terrible film.

Load Comments

Matt Biolos harassed by First Amendment TikTok activists.
Matt Biolos reacts cooly after being harassed by First Amendment TikTok activists.

World’s most popular surfboard shaper Matt Biolos taunted by First Amendment auditors on streets of San Clemente

“This Beach Town is INFESTED with Entitled CAMERAPHOBIC Karens”

The great surfboard shaper Matt Biolos, a man I’ve spent one quarter of a century decorating with my sparkling genetic code, although Johnny Cabianca has enjoyed similar fireworks in recent years, has come under fire from a troupe of so-called First Amendment auditors on the streets of San Clemente. 

First Amendment auditors on TikTok are pests who claim they film interactions with public officials, cops etc, or in public spaces to test and document whether their constitutional right to record is respected under the First Amendment of the US Constitution. 

The game is this: provoke reactions to create viral, confrontational content by refusing to identify ’emselves or pushing boundaries to bait a response. Dramatic footage. Views. It’s more harassment than activism especially when auditors target private citizens or businesses, even though filming from public property is generally legal.

Cool mom lookalike Matt Biolos, who is fifty-five and builder of boards for the winners of both divisions of the recent Rip Curl Portugal Pro, Yago Dora, Caroline Marks, was enjoying a stroll with his family when he, reasonably, asked ‘em to stop filming him and his kids. 

“How about don’t film us?” Matt Biolos, reasonably asks.

“How about don’t talk to me,” says the reedy-voiced TikTok pest. “Leave me alone, sir, my personal security guard is going to get you.”

“Whaaat?” Biolos responds.

Biolos’ kids, who know a FA pest when they see one and their game, convince daddy to get the hell out of there before the sitch escalates.

The FA pests then hassle the local sheriff.

He, like Biolos, responds with a cool I’d find hard to replicate if placed in the same situation.

What a world, eh.

@bormuthkum433 Part.2 #fyp #viral #policeofficer #police #policeoftiktok #cops #copsoftiktok #audit #auditor #lawyer #lawsuit #1stamendment #auditing #firstamendmentaudit #karens #copsontiktok #firstamendment ♬ original sound – bormuthkum433

 

Load Comments

Dr. Konig (insert) and scene of alleged crime.
Dr. Konig (insert) and scene of alleged crime.

Maui doctor arrested for allegedly bashing wife’s head with rock whilst on scenic Oahu hike

Welcome to Paradise etc.

Shock and consternation fanned out across the surf-rich Hawaiian islands, today, after a highly-esteemed anesthesiologist was arrested for allegedly pushing his wife off a trail then bashing her head with a rock, or vice versa, whilst the two enjoyed a scenic hike to the Nu’uanu Pali Lookout.

Gerhardt Konig, 46, who practices medicine on Maui, was on Oahu with his wife, 36, when the incident is said to have occurred. She was transported to a local hospital in critical condition. He fled the scene but was apprehended later after a short foot chase thanks, in part, to public help after the department posted a photo of the suspect.

“Mahalo to the public for your assistance,” the Honolulu Police wrote on its Facebook page.

Konig was, previously, an assistant professor at the University of Pittsburgh Medical Center though his biography page has been removed from its website.

The Nu’uanu Pali Lookout is in the middle south part of the island, thus mostly unfamiliar to surfers. It is somewhat close to the Kualoa Ranch, however, where I once enjoyed a pig hunting adventure.

This whole story would have never been published, here, and might have never even happened had the World Surf League been more entertaining over the last few months.

Do better.

Load Comments

World's sexiest surf instructor Armando Perez (pictured) spreading wings and flying away from Ellie Goulding. Photo: La Puente Surf House
World's sexiest surf instructor Armando Perez (pictured) spreading wings and flying away from Ellie Goulding. Photo: La Puente Surf House

World’s sexiest surf instructor back on market after split from Ellie Goulding

"She is a big pop star from England while Armando's whole life is based here in Playa Hermosa."

While celebrations continue to rock Rio in the wake of a stunning MEO Rip Curl Pro Portugal finals day featuring not one, but two, Brazilian surfers, the rest of the tour is moving on, quickly, to El Salvador and its magnificent mega-prisons freshly stocked with Venezuelan bad boyz.

Central America’s “Little Thumb” is a fine country, indeed, featuring a pleasant tropical climate, dynamic sunsets, warm pupusas and a low cost of living allowing even lower-middle class World Surf League Championship Tour participants to live lives of luxury. The perfect place to bring the wife or girlfriend for a romantic getaway whilst still on the clock?

No.

For just south of El Salvador is Honduras, just south of Honduras is Nicaragua and just south of Nicaragua is Costa Rica where the world’s sexiest surf instructor is officially single and ready to mingle.

We first learned of Armando Perez when songstress Shakira was suffering a broken heart. The handsome blonde reignited her passion before working the same magic on the chanteuse Ellie Goulding. The two were regularly snapped by local paparazzi surf instructing, being surf instructed and otherwise being cute for many months.

But, alas, according to the august Daily Mail, the affair has ended.

The 37-year-old singer then repeatedly jetted out to see her toyboy lover in the following months – but now their fling has finally fizzled out, say friends. One said: ‘Amando and Ellie were very attracted to one another. Despite the age gap, they struck up an instant chemistry when he gave her private surfing lessons. ‘They soon formed a bond and loved spending time together – Ellie loved hanging out on the beach with Armando to get away from everything that was going on back home after her marriage had come to an end. They had a very special time together and she visited the country a lot.’But they are from very different backgrounds. She is a big pop star from England while Armando’s whole life is based here in Playa Hermosa. He loves it here and I doubt he would have any plans to leave.

Which brings us back to our WSL WAGs. Would they be able to withstand the Tico Temptation?

Would you?

Load Comments

Caroline Marks wins MEO Rip Curl Portugal Pro 2025
The final between Caroline and Gabriela unfolded slowly, like one of those big Russian novels where nothing much happens for 200 pages. Honestly, I’ve never gotten past the first 200 pages, so I’ve never learned if it gets better. This heat did not. Caroline won it with a 7.90 total heat score to Gabriela’s 6.97. The conditions did not excite. They did some turns. Some turns were better than other turns. | Photo: WSL

Male conservatism ruining women’s surfing, “We were promised jetpacks!”

"This energy comes from (male) coaches… I'm begging them to bring their skills in the air to heat surfing."

I will confess that I did not watch every heat of the women’s Meo Rip Curl Pro held in Portugal over many days this past week. If you like your surf contests doled out a little at a time like the food at a small plates wine bar, then the Meo Rip Curl Pro was the contest for you. I am not a small plates kind of girl.

If you enjoy two-turn combos all day, every day, then you are also in luck! There were a lot of two-turn combos in the women’s heats in Portugal. A pedestrian sort of affair, the beachbreak fest in Portugal didn’t really tell us much about who is the best in women’s surfing right now, but it did tell us what’s missing.

Women’s surfing needs to get into the air, like yesterday.

Perhaps the most anticipated heat came in the quarterfinals when world number one Caity Simmers met Erin Brooks. Like most of the contest, it took place in sloppy, pick-and-choose beach break conditions. Caity had one of her falling heats. Her mistakes make her interesting, but sometimes frustrating to watch. She hit a couple of one-turn bangers, but couldn’t find enough open face to do anything special.

Erin won the heat against Caity on the strength of a long left. She surfed the shit out of it and deserved the score. But I would also like to tie her ams to her sides. They are very animated! I would like Erin’s arms to chill the fuck out.

The notable characteristic of Erin’s surfing, though, is her speed. She springs off the bottom and her turns flow one into the next in a fluid blur of motion. Erin’ on rail, and she’s hauling ass. She rightly advanced to the semis ahead of Caity.

In her time on Tour, Gabriela Bryan has become one of the most consistent surfers in the draw, and she used that trait to her advantage against Erin in their semifinal match-up. Erin had some heavy one-hit slams on her backhand. She knows how to get all up in it on her close-out turns. She’s exciting to watch, but couldn’t really put together more than one turn at a time in this heat.

Imperturbable, Gabriela steadily steamrolled her way though. She managed to find enough open face to put up a pair of two-turn combinations that got her the scores. It wasn’t super exciting surfing, but it was smooth, technically sharp, and she got it done. Gabriela has power to burn and she used it well to land some banging close-out hits.

On the other side of the draw, Molly Picklum opened her heat against Caroline by pulling into a heavy barrel. She bobbled the take-off and slid down the face, but she still got in there. Too bad she couldn’t make it out of that one — it could well have won her the heat. Molly didn’t take another chance on the barrels and lost to Caroline’s consistent turns in a low-scoring heat.

The final between Caroline and Gabriela unfolded slowly, like one of those big Russian novels where nothing much happens for 200 pages. Honestly, I’ve never gotten past the first 200 pages, so I’ve never learned if it gets better. This heat did not. Caroline won it with a 7.90 total heat score to Gabriela’s 6.97. The conditions did not excite. They did some turns. Some turns were better than other turns.

On a whim, I jumped over to see what the men’s final looked like. I do not typically compare the men’s and women’s heats. I stand firmly on the ground that they are separate sports, each on their own trajectories. But I was curious to see what the men found to do with this unpromising set-up. Did they also do some turns?

Well, sure.

But the final heat match-up between Yago Dora and Italo Fereirra had a more dynamic character. I liked Yago’s stalefish. Both surfers got barreled. It was not the most scintillating heat I’ve ever seen, but there was something to watch. The men’s final had energy.

In recent years, women’s surfing has progressed significantly at places like Teahupo’o and Pipe. It’s hard to do everything all at once but the air game in women’s heat surfing continues to languish. A punchy beachbreak like Portugal should yield at least, something? I would think? It did not. Instead, it was turns and more turns, with a side order of turns.

From their freesurfing clips, the women in the new generation can clearly land airs. They’ve all done it. Caity even manages to look super stylish up there. Erin can fly. I am begging them to please bring their skills in the air to their heat surfing. It could be fun! Why not make heat surfing fun? Please give me this one nice thing.

At the moment, there remains an essential conservatism to the approach that many of the women are taking to their heats. I can only imagine some of this energy comes from coaches who are just trying to help them get through the draw. I get the importance of taking the long view.

I would also argue that the cut reinforces safety surfing rather than encouraging progression. If you need to stay in the top ten to make the cut, you’re going to take the safest route possible to that destination. On the women’s side, the small draw at the Championship Tour level combined with the cut is quite simply holding back progression. There’s no incentive to risk.

In 2026, the WSL plans to expand the women’s Tour draw to 24. I’m hoping that creates more space for the women at the top of the sport to push their surfing. They’re doing exactly that when it comes to barrels. Airs next, please.

After the Meo Rip Curl Pro, Caity still sits at the top of the world rankings. Just 300 points separate Molly and Caroline in a close battle for second. Tyler Wright and Gabriela round out the top five, with Erin just outside the top ranks in sixth. Finals day is still well within reach for Erin, who will thoroughly enjoy the lefts at Cloudbreak, as if she needed any extra incentive.

New for this year, the cut arrives after seven events. Currently, Sawyer Linblad, Vahine Fierro, Lakey Peterson, and newcomer Bella Kenworthy round out the top ten. It’s surprising to see Brisa Hennessy below the line after her consistency for the past few seasons, while both Tati West and Bettylou Sakura Johnson are stuck in the back seat of the strugglebus.

Next up is El Salvador, where the sportswashing is heavy and the rocks are slippery. The waiting period runs from 2-12 April. The right point offers a good chance for Lakey and Bella to put some distance between themselves and the cut line. At the top, Caroline will certainly put pressure on Caity and Molly.

I don’t expect to see airs on a right point, but a girl can dream, right? We were promised jet packs and I’m still here waiting.

Load Comments