Are you there, Dirk Ziff? It's me, Charlie.

You might have missed it, because the “global home of surfing” had already lost you, but weeks ago, the Word Surf League’s newly appointed Director of Athlete Relations Chris Heffner ripped a line straight from BeachGrit in declaring the mission was “no more chasing the mythical ‘surf fan’ that doesn’t surf,” adding “New management, along with ownership, is leaning into a ‘surfer first’ strategy…. and I’m here for it.”

And yet, even with the exciting pivot, the whole enterprise seems like it’s…. over. The biggest names fleeing the tour in their primes, or injured. Engagement cratering. I know that Portugal is a difficult timezone etc. but a measly 100 comments on the “Live Chat?” I don’t recall such low numbers since we began.

The wild swings back and forth seem to have ejected simply too many of the already very few surf fans.

Once champion of diversity, the WSL scrubbed LGBTQIA+ Pride Progress flags of singlets in Abu Dhabi. Once on the bleeding edge of equal pay between men and women, the WSL has zero reaction when one of its young stars, Cole Houshmand, highlights his wild-eye’d love of the self-described woman hater Andrew Tate.

The product, in the water, can excite from time to time (see: Jack Robinson) or provide comedy (see: Filipe Toledo) but, overall, seems listing. Like, really, really hard to care about.

Or maybe it’s just me.

So, question: how do you feel about competitive professional surfing right now?

Bullish or bearish?

"(Jimmy Buffet's) music basically outlined the lives we desired…fishing, diving, dreaming about being in the tropics, playing music, and just living the dream."

2021 was truly a fine year. The oldest man in the world was elected President of the United States, Tokyo hosted a wonderful Olympics entirely free of pesky spectators and the Bahamas Paradise Cruise Line officially rebranded as Margaritaville at Sea.

While the inspiration behind the Florida-to-Caribbean adventure, one Jimmy Buffett, passed to the other side in 2023, his cruise portfolio continues to expand. There are now two Maragritavilles at Sea, both featuring song-themed menu items, salt shaker art on walls, Jimmy Buffett cover bands, palm trees, parrots and clocks set to perpetual 5 o’clock.

The cruise director bravely told USA Today, “We worship the flip-flop here on board.”

And things are looking even rosier as Spring sprungs. A third sexual assault lawsuit was recently settled, the enterprise just won the coveted “best cruise line for families” award and a “Sip & Surf Flash Sale” has, minutes ago, been announced.

Per the press release:

For a limited time, guests can enjoy five free drinks, complimentary Wi-Fi for one device per booking, and 50 percent off cruise fares, along with the Kids Sail Free promotion.

Now, I see the “sip” but where is the “surf?”

Might it be an onboard residency featuring Kelly Slater?

The greatest surfer to ever live and Buffett had a very close relationship, Slater penning an emotional tribute sharing, “I grew up listening to Jimmy Buffett with my family. His music basically outlined the lives we desired…fishing, diving, dreaming about being in the tropics, playing music, and just living the dream. I met Jimmy in France in 2010 about 8 years or so after my dad died and the first day I told him how much he reminded me of my own father and from that moment on he kind of became a surrogate to me, occasionally calling me from some far off land telling me he missed me and I had to come visit him wherever he was.”

Slater is now mostly semi-retired and what better way to spend his sunset years than an onboard host with his very own girlfriend and unnamed son?

Just imagine a talk story evening, the 11-time champion opining on vaccine safety and philosophical conundrums. It would be sheer magic. The only question, how much would you pay? The “Sip & Surf” promotion only has hours left so get on it.

"I hope, I'm praying that we don't ridicule (surfers) in any way."

I thought I had seen it all, or at least tangentially aware of it all. Every bit of surf-based flotsam and jetsam that has washed through Hollywood/Hollywood-adjacent over the years. From Big Wednesday to Blue Crush, Point Break to Chasing Mavericks. Soul Surfer, Surf’s Up, In God’s Hands, Surfer Dude, Blue Crush 2, Breath, Beach Party, Johnny Tsunami.

The film most quoted by surfers, of course, and long considered our “cult classic,” is North Shore. Sam George’s ex-wife stars alongside Gerry Lopez, Laird Hamilton and others in telling the story of a artist from Arizona with big wave dreams.

Heartwarming and I imagined its place at the top would never be threatened.

And then, for the very first time, I learned about Blue Juice.

The British surf story, released 30 years ago, is apparently experiencing a renaissance, selling out theaters etc. Set in Cornwall, it tells the story of a surf instructor and his girlfriend’s tranquil life getting upset when his unruly friends from London come to visit. The girlfriend just so happens to be Catherine Zeta-Jones. One of the unruly friends Ewan McGregor.

Very aware of her audience, Zeta-Jones declared, “I hope, I’m praying that we don’t ridicule them in any way. It’s about relationships and surfing is a fantastic backdrop to have,” at the 1995 premier in Newquay.

Again, I had never even heard of this picture, much less seen it, but by the looks of the trailer could unseat North Shore.

Have you enjoyed?

Thoughts?