POV: See the incredible moment Pipeline
heavyweights Jamie O’Brien and Mason Ho ride famous tube together;
watch as JOB confronts John John Florence after unexpected
drop-in!
By Derek Rielly
Many narratives on display during Pipe
swell…
The ease with which Jamie O’Brien rides the Pipeline
catwalk is a source, to me at least, of ongoing
amazement.
It’s not unexpected, of course, he’s lived there his entire
life, but for a man of almost forty years who looks like a
hamburger on a griddle, an overgrown Annie doll, it does continue
to delight.
In this episode of his weekly vlog, Jamie humps Pipe on one of
his Catch Surf softboards, the crowd seeming to part in the
refracted light of his fame.
Two men don’t, however.
There is John John Florence, whom Jamie swiftly confronts on
camera. The moment is light but in the superficial jocularity there
is a back-story one might call strange, and then there is Mason Ho,
whom one could never be even slightly mad at.
The pair’s double tube ride is like a first kiss, tender, shock
waves of pleasure, the thrill of the mind turning off, blind to any
ambition other than the tactile etc.
A very good edit.
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Vaughan Blakey and Gary "The Kong" Elkerton, a
"blunt, brawny, hot-headed Australian power surfer from
Queensland's Sunshine Coast and world title runner-up in 1987,
1990, and 1993,” according to the Encyclopedia of Surfing.
Life at the bottom: Ain’t That Swell’s
Vaughan Blakey and Jed Smith redefine Burleigh Heads Single Fin
Classic!
By Derek Rielly
Like white linen with a fine dusting of cat
hair…
It’s important, I think, to present this comedic episode
alongside the oppressive guidelines Vaughan Blakey and Jedaum
Smith were forced to operate under.
The pair were told,
No shots with appearance of pain or degradation.
No facials (bodyshots are OK if shot is not nasty).
No bukakke.
No spitting or saliva mouth to mouth.
No food used as sex object.
No peeing unless in a natural setting. eg. field, roadside.
No coffins.
No blindfolds.
No wax dripping.
No two dicks in/near one mouth.
No shot of stretching pussy.
No fisting.
No squirting.
Toys are OK if shot is not nasty.
No degrading dialogue, eg, “Suck this cock, bitch” etc.
And so on.
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Haz Bryant, getting rigorous in Bio Haz.
Watch: Harry Bryant in “Drama and attitude
and then the cock shot!”
By Derek Rielly
A rock-and-cock movie!
If you didn’t know, Harry Bryant is a
twenty-four-year-old Australian with a bushy hairdo and albino
moustache that twinkle like glitter on a burlesque
dancer’s corset.
This film, Bio Haz, shows little Harry flying like a
hummingbird, deftly and delicately. It was shot over the course of
one year as Harry travelled with girl Kayla and dog Baz along the
surfable Australian coastline.
Shit got rigorous, as they say, in the north-west.
There is recklessness, too, and drama and attitude.
Like being rimmed by a trannie who might be your uncle.
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An anti-semite is drinking in a bar. He
notices a Jew sitting at a table nearby and doesn’t like it.
“Bartender! A round of the good stuff for everyone except him!”
Everyone except the Jewish man receives a glass of premium scotch.
The anti-semite looks over at the Jew with a smug grin. The Jew
smiles back. The anti-semite loses his satisfied expression.
“Bartender! Give everyone a drink of your finest, and a burger!” He
looks directly at the Jew and adds, “Everyone except the Jew.” The
Jewish man looks at the anti-semite, and smiles again. Furious, the
anti-semite says to the bartender, “Is that Jew just stupid or
pretending to be?” “Oh no, sir, he’s the owner.”
Thrill to Israeli Olympian Eithan Osborne
in the very short film “The Luck to be Ugly”!
By Derek Rielly
The very best surfer in all of Israel!
Eithan Osborne is a surfer, and also an Israeli
Olympian, and he is from Ventura, California.
Two months ago, his goyim friend, Dane Reynolds, made the movie,
The Happiest Jew in
Ventura with Eithan as the film’s
protagonist. Today we see Eithan, who, with his
very short, very blonde hair and love of wearing slacks is often
mistaken for a woman in her fifties, in the very short film,
Shit Waves.
The little edit appeals to me because, honestly, when was the
last time I surfed waves this good or with such sudden, almost
masculine, movements?
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"Some day I’ll have to hang it up. Stop
forcing my fossilized body to pump and thrash and relax into a more
soulful manner of riding waves. Maybe buy an old van and burn some
sage. Get resin tints and grow a pony tail and wrap it in a bun.
Switch to craft beer. Hang up the thruster and glide in from out
the back on a 7’6 single fin. I’ll put my arms in the air when I
reach the crest of every gently peeling wave." Not Today.
Dane Reynolds fires broadside against
mid-length aficionados: “If you ever see me on a set at Rincon
throwing my arms in the air on a 7’6 single fin feel free to burn
me!”
By Derek Rielly
"Some day I’ll have to hang it up. Stop forcing my
fossilized body to pump and thrash and relax into a more soulful
manner of riding waves." Not today.
If the World Surf League represents the VAL apocalypse,
the mid-lengthers, the murfers, and so on, then it follows, I
think, that Dane Reynolds is the last bulwark of a sport
in the grip of its darkest enemy.
In a manifesto published at its launch, Reynolds wrote,
I got excited to start Chapter 11 TV in January when I was
surfing a lot and feeling pretty good about it and getting inspired
by the new generation of local surfers. I miss making surf videos
despite the preposterousness of the pursuit.
Things have changed for everyone since January and for me
has slowed the development of the site but i’m still excited and
ambitious. I’m going to try and keep the bar low and get videos out
rather than dwell on what’s worthy.
There’s no real concept or criteria for Chapter 11 TV,
Surfing means different things to different people, I’m just trying
to convey our version of it.
From my experience the less you expect the less you get
disappointed.
Today, we are gifted episode seven, Not Today and, as
always, Reynolds colours in the clip with a passage of writing
filled with his deceptively simple observations. The Lou Reed song,
Wrap Your Troubles in Dreams, and performed by Nico,
anchors the short, proving that even in the darkest crannies, in
this case the destruction of a once-great sub-culture, there can be
light.
Reynolds writes,
Sometimes I feel ridiculous driving around checking waves.
Checking swell forecast. Checking wind. Checking tide. Rubbing
elbows with groms trying to catch a wave to do a trick with someone
standing on the beach with a camera to record it.
Some day I’ll have to hang it up. Stop forcing my fossilized
body to pump and thrash and relax into a more soulful manner of
riding waves. Maybe buy an old van and burn some sage. Get resin
tints and grow a pony tail and wrap it in a bun. Switch to craft
beer. Hang up the thruster and glide in from out the back on a 7’6
single fin. I’ll put my arms in the air when I reach the crest of
every gently peeling wave.
But not today. The waves are shit and onshore. After I write
this I’m going to clean the wax off my 5’9 square tail epoxy and
call Matt to see what he’s doing. He probably won’t pick up. He’ll
probably call me back in about 5 minutes and I’ll ask him if he’s
seen the ocean and he’ll say no he had a few things he had to take
care of but he was thinking about going look at the wood. I’ll say
I was thinking the same. I’ve got a sore knee so I’ll roll on a
foam thing for like 2 minutes before I get distracted. I’ll hop in
my car and head south with a Howard Stern re-run playing from my
radio at maximum volume. If it’s a stupid episode I’ll listen to
Royal Dog Shit for the 1000th time.
When I pull up Matt will be on his phone. When he gets off
his phone he’ll say he’s seen a few. I’ll say yeah looks fun enough
for a surf and after all, If it’s shitty we’ll come in. Then we’ll
suit up, I’ll ask him how his bitcoin trading is going. He’ll say
‘awwww man not so hot’ and I’ll laugh at his misfortune. The waves
will be average but I’ll be able to hit the lip a few times and
maybe do an air reverse. Matt will pearl going straight at least
once and i will yell “I can’t believe you are still riding that
board!” I’ll be happy I surfed. The waves could be good soon and
I’ve got a new 6’0 with glass ons that I’m excited to
ride.
And for the record. If you ever see me on a set at Rincon
throwing my arms in the air on a 7’6 single fin feel free to burn
me…