Watch: Harry Bryant in “Drama and attitude
and then the cock shot!”
By Derek Rielly
A rock-and-cock movie!
If you didn’t know, Harry Bryant is a
twenty-four-year-old Australian with a bushy hairdo and albino
moustache that twinkle like glitter on a burlesque
dancer’s corset.
This film, Bio Haz, shows little Harry flying like a
hummingbird, deftly and delicately. It was shot over the course of
one year as Harry travelled with girl Kayla and dog Baz along the
surfable Australian coastline.
Shit got rigorous, as they say, in the north-west.
There is recklessness, too, and drama and attitude.
Like being rimmed by a trannie who might be your uncle.
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An anti-semite is drinking in a bar. He
notices a Jew sitting at a table nearby and doesn’t like it.
“Bartender! A round of the good stuff for everyone except him!”
Everyone except the Jewish man receives a glass of premium scotch.
The anti-semite looks over at the Jew with a smug grin. The Jew
smiles back. The anti-semite loses his satisfied expression.
“Bartender! Give everyone a drink of your finest, and a burger!” He
looks directly at the Jew and adds, “Everyone except the Jew.” The
Jewish man looks at the anti-semite, and smiles again. Furious, the
anti-semite says to the bartender, “Is that Jew just stupid or
pretending to be?” “Oh no, sir, he’s the owner.”
Thrill to Israeli Olympian Eithan Osborne
in the very short film “The Luck to be Ugly”!
By Derek Rielly
The very best surfer in all of Israel!
Eithan Osborne is a surfer, and also an Israeli
Olympian, and he is from Ventura, California.
Two months ago, his goyim friend, Dane Reynolds, made the movie,
The Happiest Jew in
Ventura with Eithan as the film’s
protagonist. Today we see Eithan, who, with his
very short, very blonde hair and love of wearing slacks is often
mistaken for a woman in her fifties, in the very short film,
Shit Waves.
The little edit appeals to me because, honestly, when was the
last time I surfed waves this good or with such sudden, almost
masculine, movements?
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"Some day I’ll have to hang it up. Stop
forcing my fossilized body to pump and thrash and relax into a more
soulful manner of riding waves. Maybe buy an old van and burn some
sage. Get resin tints and grow a pony tail and wrap it in a bun.
Switch to craft beer. Hang up the thruster and glide in from out
the back on a 7’6 single fin. I’ll put my arms in the air when I
reach the crest of every gently peeling wave." Not Today.
Dane Reynolds fires broadside against
mid-length aficionados: “If you ever see me on a set at Rincon
throwing my arms in the air on a 7’6 single fin feel free to burn
me!”
By Derek Rielly
"Some day I’ll have to hang it up. Stop forcing my
fossilized body to pump and thrash and relax into a more soulful
manner of riding waves." Not today.
If the World Surf League represents the VAL apocalypse,
the mid-lengthers, the murfers, and so on, then it follows, I
think, that Dane Reynolds is the last bulwark of a sport
in the grip of its darkest enemy.
In a manifesto published at its launch, Reynolds wrote,
I got excited to start Chapter 11 TV in January when I was
surfing a lot and feeling pretty good about it and getting inspired
by the new generation of local surfers. I miss making surf videos
despite the preposterousness of the pursuit.
Things have changed for everyone since January and for me
has slowed the development of the site but i’m still excited and
ambitious. I’m going to try and keep the bar low and get videos out
rather than dwell on what’s worthy.
There’s no real concept or criteria for Chapter 11 TV,
Surfing means different things to different people, I’m just trying
to convey our version of it.
From my experience the less you expect the less you get
disappointed.
Today, we are gifted episode seven, Not Today and, as
always, Reynolds colours in the clip with a passage of writing
filled with his deceptively simple observations. The Lou Reed song,
Wrap Your Troubles in Dreams, and performed by Nico,
anchors the short, proving that even in the darkest crannies, in
this case the destruction of a once-great sub-culture, there can be
light.
Reynolds writes,
Sometimes I feel ridiculous driving around checking waves.
Checking swell forecast. Checking wind. Checking tide. Rubbing
elbows with groms trying to catch a wave to do a trick with someone
standing on the beach with a camera to record it.
Some day I’ll have to hang it up. Stop forcing my fossilized
body to pump and thrash and relax into a more soulful manner of
riding waves. Maybe buy an old van and burn some sage. Get resin
tints and grow a pony tail and wrap it in a bun. Switch to craft
beer. Hang up the thruster and glide in from out the back on a 7’6
single fin. I’ll put my arms in the air when I reach the crest of
every gently peeling wave.
But not today. The waves are shit and onshore. After I write
this I’m going to clean the wax off my 5’9 square tail epoxy and
call Matt to see what he’s doing. He probably won’t pick up. He’ll
probably call me back in about 5 minutes and I’ll ask him if he’s
seen the ocean and he’ll say no he had a few things he had to take
care of but he was thinking about going look at the wood. I’ll say
I was thinking the same. I’ve got a sore knee so I’ll roll on a
foam thing for like 2 minutes before I get distracted. I’ll hop in
my car and head south with a Howard Stern re-run playing from my
radio at maximum volume. If it’s a stupid episode I’ll listen to
Royal Dog Shit for the 1000th time.
When I pull up Matt will be on his phone. When he gets off
his phone he’ll say he’s seen a few. I’ll say yeah looks fun enough
for a surf and after all, If it’s shitty we’ll come in. Then we’ll
suit up, I’ll ask him how his bitcoin trading is going. He’ll say
‘awwww man not so hot’ and I’ll laugh at his misfortune. The waves
will be average but I’ll be able to hit the lip a few times and
maybe do an air reverse. Matt will pearl going straight at least
once and i will yell “I can’t believe you are still riding that
board!” I’ll be happy I surfed. The waves could be good soon and
I’ve got a new 6’0 with glass ons that I’m excited to
ride.
And for the record. If you ever see me on a set at Rincon
throwing my arms in the air on a 7’6 single fin feel free to burn
me…
Hair-raising: Gladiator Mason Ho’s
extraordinary going-ons at heaviest reef yet!
By Derek Rielly
The obsessive pursuit of the masterpiece.
How many times have we seen Mason Ho, the thirty two
year old from Sunset Beach, clinging to his flying trapeze, every
fibre of his skin at breaking point?
And while trying to postpone the inevitable fall, giving an
impression of ease and grace?
This is the artist’s compulsion, the obsessive pursuit of the
masterpiece.
In this latest episode of Mason’s adventures on Oahu, we are
transported to a relatively remote reef that twists into a
diabolical snarl immediately after the takeoff. Forbidden ground
for most.
Mason persists.
A hand-plant results in many sea urchins.
The moment of triumph comes shortly after.
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Candid Tom.
Almost sixty-year-old Tom Curren releases
surf movie of the year, Free Scrubber: “I don’t have any searching
left to do. I’m old!”
By Derek Rielly
A one-of-a-kind ride with comic filmmakers Vaughan
Blakey and Nick Pollet.
Best surf movie of the year? Too early to let
the floodgates of ecstatic joy burst free?
Free Scrubber, and the unusual title will be revealed
in the final few seconds, is a film built around Tom Curren’s
three-month Mexican vacay in 2020, the three-time world champ
trapped across the border as COVID hit and the US shut its doors to
the world.
Curren, who turns fifty-seven this year, was with Australian
filmmaker Andy Potts and surfboard collector Mark
“Buggs” Arico, the unlikely trio equipped with a
portable electric piano that could be played on the beach, fishing
equipment and a flotilla of surfboards.
Tom don’t like tubes.
The beach town in Oaxaca they were staying in was cleared by
police of foreign gringos with only Curren, Arico and Potts
avoiding the round-up.
Lineups? Empty.
The footage, sent to Australia on two unmarked hard drives, was
then masterfully assembled by filmmakers Vaughan Blakey and Nick
Pollet.
I called Vaughan to lavish his royal cherry with praise; how
it’s the first time on film the world is gifted funny Curren and
not the dark mysto cat we usually get.
“When I watched the raw footage it was the greatest thing I’d
ever seen,” says Vaughan. “I couldn’t believe it. How the fuck
do you get Curren where he’s not being mysterious?”
I tell Vaughan that I love the section where Tom plays
piano while ignoring his interlocutor, Buggs Arico.
“Tom isn’t paying attention. He gets so much adoration,
everything handed to him, everyone falls at his feet,” says
Vaughan. “At what point does he stop connecting with people and
live in his own world?”
The surfing, of course, is a joy to watch.
Curren, jigs and races.
“On a wave he’s ageless. The fact that he’s not looking for big
sections to hit is easy on the eye. It’s not all about the hammers.
You’re not waiting for him to do something. He’s just
riding waves.”
