An eight-minute edit that defies most physical laws.

This edit, which is called Polylemma and made by the renowned Take Shelter studio, brings the old Maui gang of Matt Meola and Albee Layer together again.

Albee, twenty-eight, and who looks like a cottage cheese ball, and Matt, twenty-nine, who is a country-listening, white trash, hillbilly jackrabbit, squirt and slash and pull the horn chain in ways that suggest you damn well better watch.

The pair draw hallucinogenic geometric lines and, if I was a Baptist, I’d be giving praises and hallelujahs each time a double spin or spindle flip is landed.

What’s a polylemma? It’s a souped-up version of a dilemma but instead of one solution you got a few.

Now, relax ’em.

Hear me roar!

Jamie O’Brien’s weekly Vlog has been the surprise hit of the year. A guilty treat like taking out your surfboards and laying them tenderly on the bed or hard kisses that leave little flecks of blood on your lips.

Four months ago, you’ll remember, Jamie, who is thirty-five, was treated to a cupful of his own mortality when he was hit from behind by a wave and pushed face-first into a Waikiki break wall.

“It almost knocked me out just hitting my hand. I almost died at one-foot Waikiki. I almost died at one-foot Waikiki. Frick. I got so lucky. I was thinking about it a lot. You do all this crazy shit your whole career, crazy waves, sitting yourself on fire, and you almost die at one-foot Waikiki. Death is a stone’s throw away, always, but to realise that. I was overwhelmed. It was one of the heaviest moments of my life. I still trip out when I watch the clip. That night, I was laying in bed, thinking, that I almost died at Waikiki. Literally.”

In this week’s episode, Jamie takes us through the 10 worst wipeouts from the series. Canoes at Sunset. Rope slings, A ten-foot shorebreak. Board transfers at Backdoor.

Close your eyes and let Jamie O rock and caress you.

His tiny antlers get sucked!

The Australian Russell Bierke is one surfer who is prepared to pay, what Hawaiians call, “the ultimate price.”

Two years ago, he was “blue as a Smurf” and “on all fours spewing” after a wipeout in fifteen waves in Victoria, an injury that put him in intensive care.

Yesterday, Russell warmed his paws under the skirt of Portugal’s Nazare, but only briefly.

The result was unpretty.

“This was by far my longest hold down ever!” Russ told the filmmaker Pedro Miranda. “I barely got a breath before the second wave landed on me. Felling pretty sore today, got a good whiplash when I skipped in front of the wave, but no injuries which is good. Felt like I could barely walk up the beach when I got there.”