Kelly Slater's gun makes a soft hiss and a
fine misty spray comes out of its nozzle. Frame grab by Jack
Coleman
Watch Kelly Slater in: “Be overwhelmed by
the most terrifying sensation of lust that is possible to
imagine!”
By Derek Rielly
Kelly rides bareback in Hawaii!
Who would’ve thought, twenty-two years ago when Kelly
Slater retired from the pro tour with six world titles, that he’d
be darting around on the tour, and putting us all in a
merry spin in his freesurfs, in his forty-ninth year.
This two-and-a-half-minute short shows Kelly in Hawaii and
performing bareback gymnastics that, I hate to admit, would seem
beyond the reach of most men his age.
I watched this and was transfixed.
The sheer animal ferocity of the man is frightening.
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Mason comes over the mountaintop with daddy
Mike's convoy on his backdoor.
Watch: Mason Ho give his Tommy Peterson
Fireball Fish a tubesteak shine!
By Derek Rielly
Duck season on the North Shore!
There was a time in the mid-nineties when the idea of
owning a Tom Peterson-shaped Fireball Fish would send you crying,
with happy, into the silk folds of your kimono.
And, as fate would play it, Tom, then known as the little
brother of the very famous Michael aka MP, had his shaping bay
around the corner from my first job.
Tom would visit every day, terrible breath but a lovely spirit,
and regale with tales of his brother.
I didn’t buy one of his Fireball Fishes because, then, as today,
money finds it hard to escape from my zippered pockets, much to my
regret etc.
Mason Ho has never had to buy surfboards and so when family
friend Tom hand delivered a Fireball Fish, which is a channel
bottom fish with a step-tail, cut to Mason’s especially little
dimensions, all he had to do was wax and ride.
Which you can watch below. Includes very good, if brief, cameos
from daddy Mike and little sis Coco.
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Coromandel exploring with little Billy, not
quite dwarfish, and Luke, biggish.
Surfing in New Zealand sucks: “$1300 on
petrol, 7,300 cubic liters of carbon into the atmosphere in search
of best waves on Coromandel peninsula!”
By Derek Rielly
A tragicomedy starting Luke Cederman and Billy
Stairmand…
Humour and surfing are never good
bedfellows.
A notable exception is Luke Cederman, from Raglan in New
Zealand, a funny man we employed to make this year’s time
travel-themed wetsuit film, Once Upon a Time in New
Zealand.
Two days ago, Luke loosed episode nine of the One and a Half
Men series he makes with the almost-WCT level pro
Billy Stairmand, who is rated number sixty-nine on the WQS and
whose diminutive size (not quite dwarfish but short) juxtaposes
nicely, in a comical sense, with Luke’s six-three frame.
In this episode, we find Luke and Billy searching for waves on
New Zealand’s fabled Coromandel Peninsula, a fifty-mile digit of
land that sticks out on the north-east coast.
Gets real good waves. If you can find ’em.
“Billy & Luke spend $1300 on petrol, sing 79 duets and release
7,300 cubic liters of carbon in to the atmosphere in search of the
best beach on the Coromandel peninsula,” writes Luke in the episode
description.
At episode’s conclusion, Luke sings as Billy beatboxes, “Because
I am me I have a shit time. It’s like I killed a group of children
in a previous time. In my past life I did some very bad things and
this is karma catching up on me. I DID SOME BAD THINGS IN MY PAST
LIFE AND NOW FUCKING KARMA IS CATCHING UP ON ME! AND I FUCKING,
FUCKING HATE THE COROMANDEL! WHY IS IT ALWAYS SHIT AND CLOSING OUT
FOR ME! FUCK!”
Worth your nine minutes.
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Champ Italo and coach Shane Dorian.
Watch: “Surfers are frequently, secretly
fond of each other!”
By Derek Rielly
There's many a strange impulse to be found
behind-the-scenes at the 2019 Pipeline Masters…
This is a fascinating, if formless, gem from Red
Bull, twenty-two minutes of fly-on-the-wall footage from
2019’s Pipeline Masters, won by Italo, made entertaining by
Gabriel’s Machiavellian ways, provincial innocence meets
metropolitan cunning etc.
Here you can eavesdrop on conversations between Kelly Slater and
Shane Dorian, see surf media folk fall in love with their pro
surfer quarries, hear Yadin Nicol admit he would’ve shut down Mick
Fanning’s 2013 world title dreams for a shot at a Pipe semi if only
he’d had the “yoda” skills of Gabriel Medina, Jon Pyzel telling a
story of blowing off teenager Italo for a sponsorship and quite a
deal more.
An occasion to be treasured.
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The best tuberiding sequence in a movie since
Greenough's ancient masterpiece Innermost Limits of Pure Fun.
Watch: Mason Ho’s POV masterpiece: “Let the
lame have their spinal cords so electrified they can now do
gymnastics!”
By Derek Rielly
See the tube with newfound gusto.
This is a six-minute short that will pin your arms
behind your back and pop open the sweet little buttons on
your sweet little pink dress.
In it, we find Mason Ho with the new GoPro Hero 8, a tiny
high-end POV camera that captures his tuberiding with such fidelity
you feel like you could reach out and start tweaking Mason’s nips
as if you were grabbing pinches of salt.
I suspect that over the course of the North Shore season, with
Mason dropping clips every other day, you might’ve felt like you’ve
seen all there is to see from the thirty-year-old son of Sunset
Beach’s Michael Ho.
The tuberiding sequence that form the middle part of the film
will hypnotise with its detail, the movement of hips, arms, eyes
and feet.
