Day One: Flat-Section-Bog-Rail Pro!

Brought to you by slavery!

It’s the first day of the Flat Section Bog Rail Pro brought to you by Slavery! Behold and wonder! Who will hop across the most sections? Will foamy end bonks take home the gold?

Is there anything more interesting one can do with their time?

You could go for a surf. I had a blast this AM, finally healthy, frothing everyday. Feels good, Oahu turned me into a jaded spoiled ass who’d turn his nose up at anything that wasn’t glassy and reeling. Nothing gets the motor going like a years long forced convalescence followed by relearning how to surf.

Let me tell you, sitting on the shoulder with the rest of the kooks because your shoulders are totally gone is fucking humiliating. Thank god it’s done.

Yesterday, I spent a solid hour watching a pair of teeny tiny boys on sub five-foot shortboards dismantle a little sandbar. Crazy how good little kids surf these days. Kind of makes me angry. How dare they? I rode huge battered hand me downs at that age, so did everyone else. Grom specific micro boards weren’t really a thing. I can’t believe they are now, who’s got the money to drop on a custom stick the kid’s just gonna outgrow in a few months?

Rich white people, that’s who.

What struck me as odd. While they ripped, no doubt, they surfed boring. Linking cutbacks, safety floaters, no risk. The sandbar they had to themselves was head high (by their standards), and kept presenting these little racetrack to air sections that they totally ignored.

Then I noticed Dad on the beach. They were running heats, practising. How lame, way to suck out all the fun. It breaks my heart to see someone so young turning surfing into a sport, rather than the selfish aquatic dance it’s meant to be.

Then I noticed Dad on the beach. They were running heats, practising. How lame, way to suck out all the fun. It breaks my heart to see someone so young turning surfing into a sport, rather than the selfish aquatic dance it’s meant to be.

Surfing has always had its share of the jock mentality, dudes who want to win, fun be damned. And I get that, it’s a job, gotta bring home the bacon while you can.

But now… fucking jerseys with numbers, off season training, everyone’s got a coach. So lame, so boring. This truly is the Dead Ball Era of surfing, people have cracked the code, turned each wave into low risk/medium reward.

You could hardly accuse JJ or Sparkle Eyes Ho of boring freesurfs. But the rest of the kids? They’re not doing anything new. Same shit as all the old men, but each new generation should be pushing the limits.

Scary for the future. All the old men are falling apart, falling off. The last generation that tones it down for heats is dying, the new kids surf this way all the time.

There are outliers, of course. You could hardly accuse JJ or Sparkle Eyes Ho of boring freesurfs. But the rest of the kids? They’re not doing anything new. Same shit as all the old men, but each new generation should be pushing the limits.

Remember the early 90’s? When airs and fins out bashes weren’t “real surfing”? How hard those old men kicked and screamed to prolong their notion of what surfing should be? No point now. Same old same old, frontside revs we’ve seen a million times. Great for the guys who hung around, the ones who pioneered that shit. Stale as fuck on a baby faced rookie.

I’ve seen today before, I’m not engaged. I’m going back down to the beach. Maybe I’ll swing by the Green Pig and pick up a Porkaholic sandwich. I really shouldn’t though. Anything called the Porkaholic needs to stay a sometimes treat.