In Memoriam: Venice Beach 1905 – 2016

It will be missed. I think.

For over a century, Venice was home to gangsters, weirdo’s, and Z-boys. Now all that’s left is trustifarians, Hollywood trash, and wealthy geeks. It will be missed.

Venice Beach, CA – Venice Beach – a once poor, open-minded town – died last week. It was 111.

Its final deathblow was made public with the revelation that the Rooster Fish – a gay bar – would be forced shut after 37-years. It not only gave gays a place to boogie, but became a home for natives to grab a decent glass of alcohol away from the hoards taking over the community.

The neighborhood was best known for gang activity and the saying, “Keep Venice Weird.” At some point – when artists could afford to live here – this actually meant something. Now it’s the office mantra at Snapchat. Surfers came to adore the overly “localized” shitty breaks because they could claim local status after only 3-months… while riding a Wavestorm.

Locals will miss the overpriced cocktails, Gjelina pizza, and the fake meat that’s pricier than real meat. They mourn La Fiesta Bravo’s cheap burritos as they nail the coffin shut with $20 juices from Erewhon. It’s done from afar though as the already exorbitant rental market disappeared in favor of more revenue generating Airbnb’s. Longtime resident Dennis Hopper once said, “Venice was the only place in LA I could remember enjoying because all my painter and poet friends lived here.” He bought his first parcel of property in 1985 for $21 000, but passed away in 2010 before seeing his compounds worth balloon to over $6-million.

Venice was founded by tobacco millionaire Abbot Kinney as a beach resort town and destroyed by tech billionaire’s Larry Page, Sergey Brin, and Evan Spiegel as ‘Silicon Beach.’ During it’s glory days this slum was the hangout of Beat generation poets, Jim Morrison, muscle heads like Arnie, Charles + Ray Eames, Jane’s Addiction, Hank Moody, and many other miscreants.

The death announcement was released in an eight episode series on NetFlix entitled Flaked. It made residents realize they were walking clichés and included the line, “I like this place. It’s like an on-line community, but in real life… ya know.”

The funeral service will include a memorial paddle-out lead by Rick Massie in tribute to the original art ghetto by the beach. It is survived by General Admission and www.BoardRap.com.

Our favorite Fantasy Surfer 2nd place finisher, Andrew Sayer, curates the completely delicious BoardRap. It is a wonderful collection of what is happening in the surfs and on the streets and should become a regular destination for the person who wishes to be in the know. Go! Go now!