Hurley adds a layer (but BeachGrit makes you tan!)
When you see serious bicyclists riding down the street what is the first thought that pops into your head? “I want to kill you by pinching you ‘tween my car and the beer delivery truck parked curbside…” is mine. And “Why are you wearing all that skin tight colorful bullshit?” And “Thanks for saving the environment!”
Back to the skin tight colorful bullshit though. Spandex, introduced in 1962, really revolutionized the athletic clothing game. Bicyclists love it because of the aerodynamics and maybe the muscle compression that skin tight provided and it was theirs to do with what they would. Until almost yesterday!
Hurley, the world’s favorite hi-tec surf boardshort manufacturer, seems to be pushing spandex as part of their brand new Phantom Hyperweave. “What is the Phantom Hyperweave,” you ask? According to Sports Illustrated:
The newly released Hurley Phantom Hyperweave created a new way to construct the waistband. Instead of a rigid layer of microfiber layered over material to provide structure and then more layers of fabric creating what Ryan (Hurley…Bob’s son and design man) calls a bulky and water absorbing piece with no ability to move with the body on the lone part of the short that touches the skin at all times, Ryan went with the first single-layer textile. The four-way stretch layer moves with the body for comfort in the water, eliminates bulk for comfort when laying on the board and adds in free-floating magwire—a water-centric take on Nike’s Flywire technology—cabling to keep the movable fabric locked to the waist.
Wow!
But the spandex is what intrigues me because it brings something fresh to the surf fashions. They are called the Hurley Phantom Compression and are worn underneath the Hurley Phantom Hyperweave and maybe help the thighs rejuvenate. There they are, poking out, running down the leg to just above the knee. It is like basketball! Do you remember when Kobe Bryant et. al. donned black compression things underneath their baggy shorts? I found that look very chic.
And the tech boardshort really has completely taken over the game hasn’t it though. I was in Huntington Surf & Sport not too long ago and the store manager told me that Hurley Phantoms fly off the shelf like you wouldn’t believe, crushing all boardshort competition, leaving broken hearts and bankruptcy in their wake, forcing brands like Rip Curl to turn to North Korean slave labor. Rory’s piece yesterday was my favorite surf writing in a long time. His honest rage against a genuinely horrible thing that really did just get swept underneath the carpet was so refreshing.
But Hurley’s tech boardshort + compression. Of course it is not made in North Korea and of course it is wonderful and innovative and etc. etc. etc. Do you want a pair? Do you think they will make you surf better? They probably will for almost sure. But you know what will make you feel better? A pair of BeachGrit trunks! They are made by loving hands in Bali and your leg will tan all the way up to your hip so when you are nude in front of a woman she will ask, “How did you get so brown?” instead of “Do you play lots of basketball?”
Rory Parker. But he’s too big a kook to be on the WSL. So fuck it.
Did everyone forget OP made those for Curren, what like, 25 years ago? With a sweet matching lycra tank top.
Nike will continue to push it, waiting for adidas to get in the mix, an ultraboost tail pad would be off its titties
Fuck that ain’t a bad idea!
How old are you Mullet? Have you ever seen an old pussy? It is ungodly. There is a reason that Brazilian Jesus doesn’t typically allow women to conceive after the age of about 40. The beaver has left the dam by that stage. It is merely a fleshy valve trying desperately to maintain enough suction to hold back the gizzards. I stuck it to a 55 year old woman back in my early twenties. I saw some shit mate. I don’t want you to go through it.
…loling even harder! …c’mon man, what’d you have today, cavvy mushies?
Good laugh.. My wife hates my BG routine. Think Im going to let her read your post Wiggolly put her in check.
Like a plastic bag in the wind.
Lame ..but there are more kooks than not so this snake charming gimmic will sell for one season..assholes
Skin no longer in?
http://www.nytimes.com/2015…
3 quarter is fucking baaaaaaddd
“I want to kill you by pinching you ‘tween my car and the beer delivery truck parked curbside…” Every morning riding down the 101 when someone is peddling in 1st gear taking over a lane from people trying to get to work while they enjoy their “recreation.”
I, quite literally, want to run every single one of them over. I scream. When I get arrested will you hold signs for me outside the courtroom?
Especially when they ride side by side and take up more space so they can chat. I will picket the court house for you! Might need to persuade the judge for a change of venue because you can’t receive a fair trial in Encinitas.
i would wear birdwell beach britches if they werent 100 fucking dollars. god damm california faggots. eat a hollywood aids dick and die!!!
What about a pair of BeachGrits? They’re half price! Only $50!
That was unusually unhinged from you blah. Keep it up I love it.
I’ve been known to paddle out in the lineup sporting speedos! Way better, no drag, and if you arch your back duck diving magically the line up will clear! Serious.
I should probably edit that post.. Fuck it!
my portly mate did this the other week and did it on a blow up SUP – he cleared the lineup for me on a fun little peak. Everyone paddled away.
fucking epic and fucking funny
Can someone please talk about my horse faced model wife,or are we just ignoring,I’m the new laird Hamilton?
After the surf leggings trend took off (kinda) in Oz, it’s only a matter of time until pros are rocking lycra shorts.
So Bob’s fired but his kid was left in place? Oh the humanity!
just another gimmick.
The tan BeachGrit promises is NOT a gimmick! The sun gently caresses where the material don’t cover!
We can all hope to look this cool
exactly! beachgrit will even guarantee!
Over the navel!
If my grandma didn’t have dementia she would sew us all a pair. American made! She once sewed me a pair of blue cord “Op” knock off. The Op was all jacked and hand sewn!
That is amazing. Do you still have?
I wish.. More amazing she modeled in an advertisement or two that went to print in American Vogue. Married three times.. Singer.. Very elegant women. Quick fish story. My first time in the port of Papeete. This other captain came aboard with flip flops, Op short short cords, tank top, and shoulder length black hair. This cat has a seat slunching back, hands clasped on top of his head elbows out, and feet shoulder length and a half apart. His testicles are flopped out the right side of those damn short Op cords. He never flinched or adjusted. Absolute confidence!
I think i just came up with Vodka campaign!
Hurley makes it sound like it their fucking invention!!! Compression tech has been around for 10 years ( and more in sport) . There was skins here in oz and underarmour et al.
The funny thing Filipe wears it then tears his cock and ball bag off his body!! If he is wearing compression pants/shorts the idea behind is to keep muscle alignment!!! So what happened??
I am up for the full lycra wetsuit so like cyclists, surfers can rock down the beach pretend to paddle out then go and have a latte!!
Bad timing for this advertisement for sure. #jjfphantomsgiveyouballrash never really took off but it’s absolutely true. Who the fuck complains about the waistband when their left nut is looking like a grated peach.
Buy the compressions and no mo problem!
My arse tends to decompress compression pants. It’s like when you see dumb women who buy the cheap pantyhose from the supermarket and wear them as yoga pants at the gym. Way too much pussy visible.
lol!
FFS , those expandex compression dayglo colors on those bikies , work it out. they all follow each other in singles file so there is a nice pair of lycra cheeks wobbling in front of them , and that’s why the leader has to change so much , there should be more in surfing , so when paddling out , there’s a sexy hairy butt staring at you!
You never seem to disappoint. Damn Daniel!
I tried to make it trend! I tried!
Silly Filipe was not wearing his Compression Tech at the time. Let this be a lesson to you all! Wear the new surfing uniform, or suffer an unexpected genital mutilation!
yep the funniest shit about this is that Hurley thinks they have invented something new
I discovered something that could achieve full body compression, I call it a “wetsuit”
You wear a wetsuit under your boardshorts? KOOK!
Been wearing compression shorts for years to combat tropical swamp ass and ball chafe……