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Witness: The future of the WSL!

An image that stirs the loins of WSL CEO Paul Speaker!

Do you remember the surf posters that hung on your wall as a child? Or, if you are slightly younger, the ones that electronically papered the background of your computer screen? Which image was your favorite? Andy Irons ferociously carving perhaps? Kelly Slater flying like a bird? I’ve shared before that mine was Tom Curren wrapping around so smooth on a Maurice Cole. Of course you know the one.

What about World Surf League CEO Paul Speaker? What poster is on his wall? I think maybe this one!

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That right there is NFL quarterback Tom Brady. He plays for the New England Patriots and is married to Kelly Slater’s ex-girlfriend Gisele Bundchen. And look at that pro football power stance! Look at those muscly arms! Look at that no nonsense expression! I think in maybe ten years when 30 million corn fed Americans feast on pro surfing this ride will be a 10.

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Suss Oldman

What is going on with his feet?

Matos Surf Shop

my poster was TOM CARROLL SNAP AT PIPE, and i have to buy the page from a friend because i didnt have money to buy the magazine !

Shredopotamus

What has he seen there that’s making him want to get the fuck back to where he came from? He’s ready to jump back in to the other direction

qtsg

His missus won the genetic lottery apparently. (Presumably the prize was just the genes that control looking presentable while walking in an acceptably straight line and didn’t include the ones that allow you to surf without looking like you’re about to take a shit in an overflowing Hossegor carpark squat toilet)

Ole' dirty shaper

Not cool bro!

toofattosurf

oh, I’m glad to be here and see that before negs trim it out…

Charlie Conway

Circa 2004

surfgush

I don’t think Tom Brady will excel in surfing. Not because of his stance, but because it’s kind of hard to cheat in competitive surfing. #Tom’sDeflatedBalls

Lloyd Christmas

He Is a goofy foot at heart but is fighting it for some reason

Dumbth Chronicles

Is the photo of Kelly showing him in the process of attempting to design an even worse board for Bells than he rode at Snapper? Which will be difficult, hence the serious, focused look on his face.

Ole' dirty shaper

I’m Kelly’s second in design, ever seen the dick board, by me not dan Mann,i used it for other applications. Kinds like football vs soccer

Tom

Talking bout “witnessing the future of the WSL”. Just checked Bells event site, looking for forcasts. saw the story “of Legends…. bulshit bullshit etc etc” The WSL has comments on there from 708 days ago!!! No wonder they discuss the viewership as being in the millions as they just keep re counting all the same posts. Fuck me it is an amateur act there

Mr. Sparkle

This looks photoshopped.

Karl Von Fanningstadt

So stylish! It’s refreshing to see that not everybody has resorted to “functional” stances! This picture has caused me to revise my All-Time Stylish Surfer Power Rankings:
1. ’90 Curren
2. ’96 Machado
3. ’16 Brady
….
129337. ’08 Jihad Khodr
….
Dead last. Pick a year Yadin Nicol

Ole' dirty shaper

fuckin’ right.

Dumbth Chronicles

Sad but true. Why did he ever leave WA?

Charlie Conway

Whoa, Jihad Khodr reference… Impressive.

Ole' dirty shaper

You fuckers will rue the day you bash the one the only Tom Brady and Gizzy. We are the new surfing future, couture boards and all!

Burnsy

Still a bigger wave and a better ride than most of the clowns on the Stab and Fantasy Surfer.

david fffff

“The Stab”

Burnsy

Now I don’t even want to edit it. Can we just call it The Stab from now on?

UnicornOdyssey

Yes, yes we can The Burnsy.

Lemmy

RIP stab

dickie toledo

heard his WSL jersey is top seller

Audit In Progress

Under Armour: for white people who think Nike & Adidas are “Too Urban.”

Ole' dirty shaper

A played toss with some flynn Novak guy, and a few other brazi’s who were rocking the UA. UA for Brazilians and flynn.

Dumbth Chronicles

Guess that makes you a tosser, eh Tom.

Ole' dirty shaper

No,I mean yea,shutup!

Wiggolly's Paddling Style

He’s innovating with that stance. I’ve never seen someone ride the rails so beautifully. In all seriousness he actually looks quite a lot like Gabriel in terms of the arm positioning.

david fffff

Are we all going to ignore Kelly staring at a on-screen photo of Kelly?

Wiggolly's Paddling Style

I’d like to think that was him reading COTW and having a bat.

david fffff

Stab comments on Sterling Spencers ‘Gold’

Just making his blood absolutely boil.

Ole' dirty shaper

Bro I’m buying 8 new Christensen’s from him right now only cost me 20 gs’s

Mustard Tiger

Tom is a fucking boss and every man in the world is lying if they say they are not in some way jealous….. He is a fucking boss

Ole' dirty shaper

Exept me, cuz I’m Tom mo’fuckin’ Brady

Mariano Landa

I demand to know the literage! Where does he stack up to Clint-E’s son?

Audit In Progress

Spoiler alert: it’s a surftech longboard.

Mariano Landa

That’s not a dimension!

Ole' dirty shaper

I make the big E look like a donkey, but only when it’s over thigh high after that, he’s in to this whole ” balance ” and ” style” thing. I just go balls to the wall charging! (See photo above)

dickie toledo

after several falls, he ordered his board caddie to deflate his board by a few psi.

velobwoy

Wait what is going on here? Is he hanging heels?!

Ole' dirty shaper

Have you ever seen this maneuver? No this is the new “disco floater” watch out mason, Tom “steezy” brady will deflate you!

bitter guy

i think he’s regular and just Gronking out, both heels on the rail, you know he bogged rail .5 milliseconds after this shot

Nick Carroll

Look how scared he is!

Chas Smith

Scared? He’s looking for you so he can run you over and then do a touchdown dance!

Wiggolly's Paddling Style

You surf in Under Armour triathlon wetties don’t ya Chas?

Chas Smith

I wish. Do you have a number? Could we get them to advertise here?

Ole' dirty shaper

Call flynn.

Wiggolly's Paddling Style

Do you get to choose who advertises here? Because currently Dell computers is being advertised which is kinda funny. I’m glad it’s not that targeted shit because I’m sick to death of seeing weight loss, dating and erectile dysfunction sites in my side bar.

Tom

Don’t you only get those pop-ups when you actually search them???

Wiggolly's Paddling Style

Yes.

Tom

haha perfect I need some better pop ups myself

Ole' dirty shaper

Wiggoly’s last encounter with a hooker was the real ” deflate gate “

Wiggolly's Paddling Style

Is she still a hooker if you live in her home and refuse to pay? Where is Aristotle?

Ole' dirty shaper

Only if she’s slightly over weight and you have an opiod problem? Again a proposed question.

Wiggolly's Paddling Style

I thought it was a good thing to be punching above your weight and yes I have a prescription drug problem among others. In truth the Princess of Ubatuba is far too good for me and I will rue the day she finds out I’ve been writing this bullshit instead of finding a better job.

Ole' dirty shaper

Nah bro,horsefaces man voices and the taste of Kelly’s Dick,I’m going to sell the formula of what it tastes like to the WSL, you think fanning jerseys flew ” like liquor in the Rodney king riots” wait until ” Kelly’s Dick by Kuerig

Wiggolly's Paddling Style

I’ve never heard Jizzelle utter a single syllable…. does she have a man voice? That must be quite disappointing for you. The WSL have been trying to manufacture an edible and synthetic version of Kelly’s pre-cum since the ASP days. You’re onto a winner mate.

Ole' dirty shaper

Completely different Aristotle question, I wonder if Kelly ever found a wig he likes,I would pay money for that….

Tom

I’ve been sitting in my office at work and actually getting paid to write bullshit, so onto a good thing

Tom

I was thinking about that buoyant bikini girl myself!!!

Dumbth Chronicles

Chas, have you’ve never seen Nick in the flesh? He’s been run over repeatedly.

Nick Carroll

Dude he is literally rigid with terror.


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