Bethany Hamilton does frontside air
Watch this clip and then watch it again (and then, like, ten more times because we will probably get a “Cease and Desist” v v v soon and it will be gone until her movie comes out). See how critical the section is? See the height on that tail? See the style on the landing? | Photo: Aaron Lieber

Stolen clip of world’s hottest surfer. But one-arm!

A girl too! Better than Brett Simpson, Acapulco and Fleetwood Mac! (Scroll to bottom!)

 

CLICK HERE: CRAZIEST 10-SECOND CLIP OF BETHANY HAMILTON AIR

Bethany Hamilton is not known as much for her surfing as for her inspirational story/healthy lifestyle/sunshiney smile. Gooey nuggets upon which the masses feast. Surfers, hardened by abuse from each other, booze and unhealthy sexual relationships, are not typically hungry for that sort of fare and, thus, don’t know/care what is going on in young Bethany’s life.

“Creed McTaggart, surfer du jour, fell out of his chair when he saw it while screaming, ‘What the one-armed fuck!'”

But here is a secret! Bethany Hamilton is, above all, a stone-cold shred. She surfs better than me. She surfs better than you. She surfs better than Brett Simpson. Watch this clip and then watch it again (and then, like, ten more times because we will probably get a “Cease and Desist” v v v soon and it will be gone until her movie comes out). See how critical the section is? See the height on that tail? See the style on the landing? There is absolutely nothing about this clip that makes it good for a girl. It is just plain good. Creed McTaggart, surfer du jour, fell out of his chair when he saw it while screaming, “What the one-armed fuck!”

Yes, this surfer is better than you. And Tiago Pires.

 

 

 

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Shane Dorian portrait
Shane Dorian with hands that catch 20-foot waves. | Photo: Morgan Maassen

HOW TO CATCH A 20-FOOTER

Shane Dorian tells you how to get the ride of your life (even if the thought of 20 feet makes you pale to the gills)…

Why would anyone wanna ride a 20-foot wave? Why not? What kinda reason could you make up not to ride the wave of your life?

Oh, you’re scared. That’s the same reason to paddle into a six-foot wave when you’re used to four-foot waves. We’re surfers, right. We all want to get better and push onto the next level. We all want to experience something new and something different. And for those that are into that, maybe you, paddling into a 20-foot wave is about as challenging and exhilarating as it gets.

Wait, what’s that about dying? Yeah, that is the big elephant in the room. But more people die in little waves than big waves. I know, it ain’t much comfort. But when you get in the ocean that’s part of the deal. The bigger it is, the more the chances go up. But, listen: even the craziest big-wave surfer has more of a chance of dying in a car crash en route to wherever than from having the air squeezed out of him.

That said, let me make something clear. The maybe-dying part doesn’t get me off at all. I don’t get some kind of thrill from the surfing-is-deadly thing. I ain’t in a hurry to add martyrdom to my vices. I love to surf, man. It’s something I just dig. Today I was surfing with my kid and it was fun foot and I couldn’t have been happier.

“The maybe-dying part doesn’t get me off at all. I don’t get some kind of thrill from the surfing-is-deadly thing. I ain’t in a hurry to add martyrdom to my vices. I love to surf, man.”

 

Anyway, let’s do this thing. First up, the chances of all the ingredients coming together to actually paddle into a 20-footer at Cloudbreak (Fiji) or Mavericks (California) or Jaws (Maui), Punta de Lobos (Peru) or Belharra (France) is low. Everything has to be right. The waves have to turn on. You can’t be sick, you can’t be out of shape, and your boards have to be ready to go. So you gotta be patient.

Butterflies? Yeah, I get ’em too. Serious butterflies. From the moment I see a potential swell on the map to packing my boards I get butterflies. And if it’s  extraordinary swell, like Jaws or Mavs, I get a genuine fear. But all that nervousness, all that fear, goes away when you get into the lineup. And it should for you, too. If it doesn’t, if you’re hesitating or overcome by nervousness, maybe it just ain’t your day.

But then again maybe you just need a push in the right direction. I calm myself by thinking about what a special day this is; that it may not be like this again for years. I try and get myself into a mental state where I want to push myself.

So what does a 20-foot wave look like? It looks scary as shit. There’s a huge difference between a 15-foot wave and a 20-foot wave. It’s not just a difference of five feet. It’s bigger, it’s thicker, it’s more dangerous (sorry!). There’s a huge separation of people who surf 20-feet and those who surf 15 feet. Twenty feet is where it gets really, really serious.

What kinda skill set you need? Not a lot. You really just need to the balls to paddle in. To ride one well requires some serious skill but just to make it down the face, you don’t have to be a great surfer.

Now let’s paddle in. If you’re in the right spot, whip it around, put your head down and go. You can’t hesitate. Head down and totally commit. Do I hesitate sometimes? Of courses. I hesitate all the time. Sometimes for good reason, sometimes it’s a big mistake, sometimes it’s genuinely out of fear. It’s part of the deal. I’ve looked at a lot of good waves and not gone. My general theory is that there’s no wave worth killing yourself for.

Once you’re at the point of no return, your tail is lifting and your about to drive down the face, everything, all that nervousness disappears. Sure, you’re hyper-aware of making a mistake but, in the moment, you’re focussed and completely in the zone. You think of nothing and, instead, you’re relying on all your past experiences to get you through.

When everything goes right, like at Puerto Escondido recently, it’s like being a super fucking ugly guy and having sex with the hottest super model on the planet. It’s like you pulled off the impossible. Because everythitng in the universe has to align for you to get this ride that you’ll remember for the rest of your life. And there should only be a handful of these in any surfers’ life, waves that you truly remember. That feeling is rare and elusive as hell. It’s a mix of pure elation and accomplishment.

When everything goes wrong, it’s the shittiest feeling. You immediately go from this mode where you’re out there thinking, I’m going to charge, this is going to make my day, Why and I so fucking selfish? Why did I do this? Now I’m at the bottom of the ocean and about to drown. But you won’t drown. This is what you trained for. Remember that. Breath-holding training is important here. If you know you can handle two waves on the head, you  won’t punch that big red panic button lighting up in your head. At least not straight away.

For your first 20-foot paddle experience, and obviously this depends on your ability to travel at a moment’s notice, I’d go to Belharra in France. It’s the outer reef at the port town of St-Jean-de-Luz. There are no rocks, there are channels on both sides and the wave dies out into deep water. And at 20-feet it’s barely breaking. You’ll need a ski to get out there, but I’m guessing you already figured that out.

And here’s something you may not have thought about: the comedown after such a tremendous event. It’s almost like postpartum depression. You have this crazy euphoric moment when it’s happening where you’re on this razor’s edge and you feel like you’ve reached the absolute pinnacle of your life but then…almost in slow motion… it starts to fade as you reach the channel. Even though you just rode the wave of your life and you knew it and felt it while you were riding, it evaporates as you flick off and becomes, immediately, past tense. It’s such an emotional swing! You’re definitely not high forever.

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Creepy doll in San Clemente, California
Those receiving the dolls felt unnerved because a porcelain doll, with creepy dead-eyed stares, showed up on their porches without any note of explanation. The fact that the Hurley Pro takes place in just over a month further stoked tensions.

Doll lady haunts TRESTLES ahead of hurley pro

Bob Hurley is in a blind rage. Nothing is allowed to impede the Pro!

A well-intentioned woman who left very scary porcelain dolls on San Clemente porches told authorities that she was embarrassed. Bob Hurley, who lives just up the coast and is busily preparing for the Hurley Pro in nearby Trestles, is blind with rage. Nothing is allowed to impede the Pro. It is the “Crown Jewel of Southern California.”

The woman, who prefers to remain anonymous, thought the dolls would be happily received by the homes because they resembled little girls living there. Her own daughters had grown and no longer played with them and she felt it good and right to pass them along.

“Bob Hurley, who lives just up the coast and is busily preparing for the Hurley Pro in nearby Trestles, is blind with rage. Nothing is allowed to impede the Pro. It is the “Crown Jewel of Southern California.”

“Because her intentions were good, she felt embarrassed at the fear she instilled in the community,” the Orange County Sheriff’s Lt. Jeff Hallock told the LA Times. “She just thought she was being nice.”

Those receiving the dolls felt unnerved because a porcelain doll, with creepy dead-eyed stares, showed up on their porches without any note of explanation. The fact that the Hurley Pro takes place in just over a month further stoked tensions. Taj Burrow, defending champ, has very cute, doll-like features.

Click here to read the LA Times story…

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Focus Group Creates surf brand. Names it Vissla.

Is it ever too late to jump on a trend? Paul Naude shouts an emphatic "No!" before time travelling to 2010!

Paul Naude, ex-Billabong chief, and the other creators x innovators of surf start-up Vissla are genius. Like, very salt-of-the-earth smart. It is difficult to perfectly capture the zeitgeist of any era. Wes Anderson spends years and years painstakingly re-creating the nuances of romanticized epochs from early 1930s Eastern Europe (Grand Budapest Hotel) to mid-1960s New England (Moonrise Kingdom).

Paul Naude decided that 2010 was the best year ever and painstakingly recreated a surf brand based on a bearded DIY aesthetic four years after its high-water mark.

Note the v v subtle components shown in their brand launch video.

1) Coffee

2) Hand tattoo

3) Hand-shaped board

4) Hand-drawn art

5) Grainy Super 8 black + white footage

6) Slob air (in black + white, of course)

7) Briefcase filled with…

8) …film!

9) Footage of a Super 8 camera being held

10) Wide swallow twin-fin

It transports you, exactly, to a far away time (2010) and a far away place (Newport Beach). It is genius because, as trends go, it is never to soon to imitate. And by imitate I mean innovate.

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Pam Reynolds, French bulldog owned by Dane Reynolds and Courtney Jaedtke
Tha original foxxxi be solving your woes! | Photo: Courtney Jaedtke

ASK PAM: oooh ya she cool!

French bulldog answers your metaphysical woes. Money can't buy you love but love can't buy you shit!

Dear Pam,
Sometimes, when I’m alone at night, I look at the stars and think, “They seem little and shitty.” I know that stars are supposed to inspire us and make us feel insignificant and stuff but I just can’t get in to them. Any suggestions on things that could inspire me?
Brown Boy, PR.
Pam says: i feel u, theres not many things that make me feel insignificant. as far as like inspiration, i always read nylon magazine and it always gives me good ideas about fashion.
Dear Pam,
Politics totally isn’t my thing but everyone always talks about Barack Obama at parties. What should I say? What should my standard line be?
Wants to Shine Socially
Pam says: i have never met him before, but i heard some people talking about how he’s cool. so jus b like oooh ya hes so cool.
Dear Pam, 
I’m not really into having girlfriends. I usually try and ride ’em like waves, ride ’em as long as I can. But iI have hooked up with a few psycho girls. I used to be able to hook up with anything, I didn’t mind their attitude. I cruised with this one psychotic bitch, this total hate flirt, and then one morning I woke up and just left. Now I miss her sooooooooo hard. What do I do? I think I’m in love…
Not a Door Mat
Pam says: i think u r trippin. i try to stay clear of boys that change they mind too often. its kinda over now and she was probably too crazy anyway. dont look back and always stay busy.
Dear Pam, 
I’m a pro surfer and I got anger issues. What do you do when you see someone get a six for surfing totally on axis and they beat you and you’re supposed to clap and shake their hand and then push up against the girl interviewer on the beach? Do you understand the boundaries in this territory? I’m giving u the truth. I feel like I’m gonna explode but I don’t wanna get Bobby Martinezed off the tour… I’m FUCKING serious, man!
Dante, LA. 
Pam says: to b serious it only takes one person to start a revolution. when I first started in this game I was pretty much the first. now look. you midget, mini-me with a bunch of little mini-yous running around your backyard swimming pools. but cereal, if you wanna stay in the game you gotta play by their rules sometimes, unless you just start your own game.
Dear Pam,  
That whole French Bulldog Boston Terrier thing?
Pain and Disrespect, OC.
Pam says: well my cousin is a boston. so i know a lot about them. some people get us mixed but 2 b straight, bostons have some looks but not as much intellect. theyre cool tho. they’re super sporty and come mostly in black in white. i saw a list on google but some stuff is wrong. a boston tends to be less independent and not loyal..ew.    heres a photo too, whos cuter?
A boston terrier and a french bulldog
One dumb, one pretty, one is independent, the other so not loyal…ew
WHO IS PAM? Pam Reynolds is a four-year-old French bulldog born on a ranch in Oregon, but left at the age of 13 weeks for a more fast paced life in Southern California. She currently resides in Carpinteria where she enjoys modelling, hunting and fashion. Her motto? LIVE AST DIE YOUNG BULLDOGS DO IT WELL. Send your questions to [email protected] If you want to see Pam answer ’em live, send an audio file. Get to know Pam on IG @pamlovesferrariboys

 

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