Dane Reynolds riding a Sperm Whale
@sealtooth having a hell of a time drumming on a 5'5" Sperm Whale, as fun a shape as they come. "I see way more homemade Sperm Whale incarnations in the lineup than real ones, which is pretty cool," he says. | Photo: Morgan Maassen

More Lessons on Hating

For one, talking about a beard or a moustache is mundane, humdrum, repetitious, unexciting, and stupid.

Stop Hating on Fun Shapes: Fun shapes can make a bad surfer good. And if  you’re a shortboarder, life is much easier when the water is full of guys who can ride a wave and spend their time on the inside of the take-off zone scrambling to paddle back out after a failed take off. Encourage people to surf  boards that will make their session better because it will result in a better session for you.

Stop Hoarding Music: Nothing more annoying than people who act like they  own a band just because they’re boring and they spend all their free time surfing the web scouring the dusty blogs looking for new music. You didn’t write it, you don’t own it, and you aren’t that cool for finding it. Unless you’re saving a specific song for a surf section (which you probably aren’t), give the band their due credit and share the music.

Don’t Discuss Facial Hair: Facial hair isn’t cool. Talking about a beard or a moustache is mundane, humdrum, repetitious, unexciting, and stupid. Life is so full of many interesting things and somehow you find the little hairs growing out of someone’s face, the same type of hairs that grow out of someone’s ass, to be the most interesting thing you can discuss?

Stop With The Flannel: The fall is not flannel season. The fall is layering  season. Flannels are great and lovely looking but they should not define the best season of the year. Their collars are flappy, many of the colours suck, and the only reason they’re so popular is because they hide your beer gut.

Enough with the shaming: It’s basic to call someone basic, it’s become hip to rip on hipsters, it’s extremely nerdy to call yourself a nerd, and it’s kooky to call someone a kook. Get creative with your hate mongering or don’t hate at all.

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