Mr. Slater goes to Washington!

Get bent SeaWorld!

The stakeholders over at SeaWorld are going to get a screen full of Kelly Slater’s baby blues tomorrow.

Our polished prince—who you’ll remember riding boards with Orca-inspired art by Kevin Ancell last winter—will be joining in on SeaWorld’s annual meeting on behalf of PETA (who own Trojan Horse stock in SeaWorld, so they can attend such meetings) from his Tavarua bungalow.

According to PETA, Slater plans to “educate other stakeholders, propose policy changes, and demand the release of its orcas, who have been enslaved by the company for more than 40 years.”

Slater’s full Mr Smith Goes to Washington-esque monologue can be read below:

My name is Kelly Slater, and I’m here on behalf of PETA. The veil has been lifted on SeaWorld. All the ads in the world won’t change what the public now knows to be true: that the company imprisons highly intelligent, emotionally complex, social animals in tiny, barren concrete tanks, which leads to aggression and disease. 

SeaWorld is experiencing declining attendance and revenue, and dozens of companies, including Southwest Airlines, Panama Jack, and Mattel, have recently ended partnerships with SeaWorld. 

As a professional surfer, I’m lucky and privileged to be able to spend the majority of my time in the ocean—it’s the place where I feel most at home, and thus, I feel an obligation to protect that which I have a voice in influencing.

Please, tell us, when will SeaWorld allow the animals it holds captive to return to their home—the ocean—by retiring them to a seaside sanctuary? And wouldn’t this at least be viewed, if nothing else, as a public relations win for you? 

By righting the wrongs you have committed in the name of corporate profit for so many years, you may actually be able to recoup some of the respect that has been lost in the eyes of the public and work toward an end to the problem of animal suffering. Thank you.

Taylor Paul: “I’m famous, bitches! Like Li’l Wayne!”

Surfing Magazine's ex-editor-in-chief surfs Alaska and does the Dew!

I was once an editor-at-living-large at Surfing Magazine. It was during the benevolent reign of editor-in-chief Taylor Paul. He was very kind, with an easy smile and wonderful gait. He walked on his toes, just a bit, like he was walking on air. Like he was better than everyone.

And he kind of was. We drove from San Clemente, one week, all the way to his home in Santa Cruz and beyond. We laughed. We stole wine. He surfed and I complained about the cold. It was magical and, if I recall, we wrote a story that won surfing’s version of the Pulitzer. The nothing.

Life moved along. He got married to a wonderful girl with an even easier smile. She walked on her toes too, like air, but actually is better than everyone because her life is dedicated to saving the hideously ugly elephant seal. She is a saint.

Life moved along even more and Taylor shifted as editor-in-chief to an at-large role and I heard he went to Alaska with his wife but I did not know what he was doing there and I did not care because it is cold.

And then, this morning on his Instagram account, I saw this.

That is Taylor Paul getting barreled. That is him on his toes, just a bit. That is him occupying the same piece of stratosphere that Li’l Wayne once did.

Did you know Li’l Wayne was a spokesman for Mountain Dew? They quickly dropped him for rapping something vulgar and racist/misogynistic (read here!)

Don’t worry, Mountain Dew. Taylor Paul will not let you down. You have chosen……wisely.

Pro surfers go “mad” on lay-day!

Do they play ping-pong? Do they grapple with tiger sharks?

I can’t help but wonder, what exactly do people do to stay busy on Tavarua during lay days? The place is packed to capacity, and sharing a lineup with the entire top 44, plus assorted wildcards and hangers on, doesn’t do much to stoke my fancy, regardless of the quality of the waves.

But Fiji’s got some killer fishing. Remember when Parko blew off a round one heat in 2013 because the bite was on? If I were there, and a full blown island wide orgy was out of the question, I’d be kicking around, holding my breath, trying to kill as many giant beautiful ocean denizens as possible.

In that vein, here’s two dudes fighting off a tiger shark that wants to eat their freshly speared ulua.

Top ten film sections of all time!

We need your help!

The section is so understandable in our surf world (and skate and snowboard too) that one action-sporter can say to another, “Did you see ________’s section? It was sick.” and he or she will be totally understood. The section makes the film, as they say, but what is the best section of all time? What is the 2-3 minute bite, put to song, that really knocked your socks off? Was it the above in Transworld’s death mask “Let’s Surf Seriously” (so good btw)? Was it Dane Reynolds in Young Guns 3?

Was it Andy Irons in Still Filthy (so overlooked)?

Was it?

Gimme yours!

Just in: Massive yacht attacks Tavarua!

Is it the first wave of a Google invasion?

If you ever stroll past Google’s Venice, California office you are let known that the computer people inside get their fucking shred on. WaveStorm after WaveStorm after yellowed 8 footer after Xanadu from 1994 after WaveStorm line the outside wall, each screaming, “BARRELS, BITCH!”

Apparently, the computer people are getting their direction from Google founder Larry Page. I don’t know if Larry surfs but his 193 foot super yacht is parked outside Tavarua at this very moment, ready to take in some live World Surf League action.

The yacht cost him 45 million dollars and is named Senses. It has a helipad, gym, multi-level sundeck, ten luxurious suites, a crew of 14 and interiors designed by Philippe Starck.

If you are in Tavarua right now either surfing professionally, taking pictures, making sure the live feed goes off uninterrupted, are Joe Turpel you should, most definitely, paddle up and stow away. It will be time better spent.

The master bedroom
The master bedroom
The dining room
The dining room
Pinball galley