“Dear Julian, Mick and the WSL…I’m sorry!”

Real men cry. And punch sharks. And get 90000000000000 views.

As fucked up as a near miss shark attack is, the truth is that everyone is walking away from this one a smelling like roses.

Pro surfing is world news, the WSL should be able to grab a nice viewer bump for Teahupo’o Giant barrels, razor sharp reef, people could be eaten by sharks! It’s going to sell really well. Some people will surely stick around in the long term.

Mick’s tears during the dry land interview? Pretty cool, very humanizing. And in no way, shape, or form indicative of cowardice. An adrenaline dump like that will leave anyone shaking. His nonchalant reaction in the water was so manly I’m going to go buy something with his name on it.

And Julian came out shining. Sprinting to help rather than running for safety. Brave stuff, real courage.

Funny thing about courage, you don’t really know if you’ve got it until the moment you need it. Sure, if I saw someone being attacked by a shark I like to think I’d hurry to help. That’s easy to say. But, really, running toward danger is an unnatural thing to do. We’re all alive because our ancient ancestors were good at peace-ing the fuck out.

We end up with much of who we are determined by our unthinking reactions rather than our planned responses. In a crisis moment you’ve rarely time to think, to consider consequences. Your lizard brain takes over and you’re stuck nitpicking through the 20/20 lens of hindsight.

But Mick and Julian acted with aplomb. No one squealed in fear (though it does look like Fanning emitted a manly bellow), it was square jawed chisel chested John Wayne shit all the way. And in front of a camera so everyone can see how damn awesome they are.

To the WSL, I’m sorry for saying the J-Bay event is boring. It ended up being anything but. To Mick Fanning, I’m sorry for saying your style is uninspiring. And to Julian Wilson, I am sorry I recently said you look like a transgender Miss Piggy.

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Captain Bee Fart
Captain Bee Fart
11 years ago

Meanwhile on Stab there’s 300 comments on why Brazzos are monkeys.

Cyclone Boner
Cyclone Boner
11 years ago

Miss piggy, JW, Jordy smiths coke hoover…… bit of a nose fetish happening here….

Trogan Fan
Trogan Fan
11 years ago

Kelly’s really upset he wasn’t out there instead of Julian. Outerknown was “this” close to fame.

Cyclone Boner
Cyclone Boner
11 years ago
NEGATRON
NEGATRON
11 years ago
Reply to  Cyclone Boner

Nemo and Dory live in the ocean also.

Badger
Badger
11 years ago
Reply to  NEGATRON

How old is Nemo now in fish years? As old as Pottz?

Badger
Badger
11 years ago

Legit conspiracy theory – where was The Waz when all of this went down? I wanted his insight so bad.

Michael Flatlately
Michael Flatlately
11 years ago

A non surfer mate said something funny to me this morning (funnier because it was serious): “It said the shark bit through the surfer’s leash. He had the shark on a leash?”

Lex Cameron
Lex Cameron
11 years ago

i told y’all white folks.

https://www.youtube.com/wat…

That Guy
That Guy
11 years ago

I thought Fanning died! Much respect to Julian, I would of high tailed it to the beach like a coward. The WSL must sitting in a huge chair rubbing their hands saying “excellent” Mr Burns style at all the sponsorship $ that are about to come in. Only had to almost kill a 3 time world champ

Keiron Lewis
Keiron Lewis
11 years ago

You remember that time in the wimbledon Finals when A lion appeared and started to attack Djokovic only for Nadal to jump the net to his aid? no, me neither. Hands down the most crazy moment ever in professional sport. Both of them (and the rescue guys on the ski’s) came away champions.

joe tucci
joe tucci
11 years ago

blakeys interview skills are second to none.

thebitchycrab
thebitchycrab
11 years ago
Reply to  joe tucci

…yeah, Ron is really nailing the anchor role. He’s confident, well-liked, and his beauty his superior to anyone else on the tour, media or surfer.

ohhodomavich
ohhodomavich
11 years ago
Reply to  thebitchycrab

Are u also making up for bad things said in the past?

J H
J H
11 years ago
Reply to  thebitchycrab

Ummm…did you forget that the lovely Rosy Hodge was there????

Michael Cera's Moustache
Michael Cera's Moustache
11 years ago
Reply to  J H

Rosey is quite a Handsome man, can’t believe he was overlooked

J H
J H
11 years ago

If lovin’ him/her is wrong then I don’t want to be right…

Cyclone Boner
Cyclone Boner
11 years ago
Reply to  thebitchycrab

he blew it asking about title contention, he’s still scarred from the 90’s

TecatePapi69
TecatePapi69
11 years ago

Easily one of the heaviest things in pro surfing I’ve seen in my lifetime. When i saw the footage of Fanning on the back of the Ski kind of weeping and catching his breath the hair stood up on the back of my neck. Very humanizing indeed.

Rory Parker
Rory Parker
11 years ago
Reply to  TecatePapi69

Yeah. I woke up and saw some thing about Mick Fanning getting attacked by a shark but expected it to be a joke, like a bunch of dolphins showed up and Blakey called them sharks and everyone was making fun of him or something.

That split second when Mick gets pulled under water my heart fucking stopped.

Audit In Progress
Audit In Progress
11 years ago
Reply to  Rory Parker

I thought it was a bad Instagram Photoshop at first!


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