As the earth orbits the sun, as the tides rise and fall, some things never change…
“All truths are easy to understand once they are discovered; the point is to discover them.”
Who said that, Buddha? Galileo? Einstein?
It don’t matter. The truth exists and there’s no other sport that takes you closer to the soul of man, to the essence of life, as… surfing.
Below, are the 15 laws of surf, as unshakable as the Commandments, as the word of Allah.
1. You won’t get better at surfing by going to the gym.
2. Once a child has been anointed as a pro surfer he will never again have to use the following words and phrases: please, thanks, you go first and I’ll pay.
3. Three Triple Crowns equals one world title.
4. It’s never acceptable to snake a pal you a shared a ride to the beach with.
5. An unannounced drop-in is never ironic or part of some retro feel-good vibe.
6. It might be the most totally advanced technology in the world and it might be half the price and maybe even twice the strength. But, it’s still a plastic surfboard.
7. No one can see concave behind the back fin. It’s the Yeti of surf design.
8. All those stretches you do on the beach? They don’t do a damn thing. Go for a jog, heat up the hinges, loosen the sinew.
9. Joining the online commentary about surfers being robbed by biased judges is the equivalent of commanding the dance floor with your hilarious gangnam-style routine.
10. Always the hoot, sometimes the shaka, never the wink.
11. Never trust a man who describes his last ride in forensic detail, particularly if that description involves “one of the sickest tubes ever.”
12. It is always unacceptable to refuse a pal’s request for a dawn sesh.
13. There is no dignified way to surface after a blown takeoff.
14. Ten cakes of wax will always last just as long as one.
15. Christian Fletcher was landing stale-fishes 20 years ago. It makes you cute but it doesn’t make you an innovator.
There’s never just one bluebottle
Gotta disagree with number 1. Go to the gym and do months and months of squats. Tell me it doesn’t make your turns more aggressive and your roundhouses faster.
I gotta ask Crab, how long did this take to write? Tip top work.
This is epic
If your not having fun, get out of the water. Don’t ruin someone else’s day also
Amen to #12. Here are a few more:
16. It’s always better than it looks- quit hemming and hawing and paddle out already.
17. There is no way to look cool taking on or off a wet suit.
18. The more responsibility you have in life, the less you will surf.
19. The further away from the beach you move, the less you will surf. If it is longer than an hour, you should consider giving away your quiver.
20. Saying ‘last wave’ will condemn you to sit impatiently, while others around you continue to rip, for the next hour.
Derek throwing some darts!
21. Once a kook always a kook, no matter how good you get or how long you surf for.
22. The 50ish year old surfers that should have mellowed out by now are the biggest dicks in the lineup. Always.
23. If you are on a SUP on a good day no amount of smiling and waving will stop surfers from calling you an A Hole in their heads. Even the surfers that wave or smile back.
And yes stretching is pointless.
#23…yes!
#22 we have one of those here. Smiles says high then snakes you eveytime.
…that tube you think you just got? Unless someone is screaming in the channel or paddles up to congratulate you, don’t mention it…
Brutality true.
Or what about only one in six custom boards are actually built according to that order form you filled out…
13 most true (is that possible?). 8 untrue. Stretch it up.