Laird Hamilton saves Girls creator Lena Dunham

"Laird Hamilton is the King of Triton!" says Lena Dunham

Over the weekend a bikini-clad Lena Dunham set out on a three-mile (SUP) Tour, taking part in the “Paddle for Pink” event in the Hamptons, benefitting the Breast Cancer Research Foundation.

Lena Dunham is, of course, the 29-year-old creator of the HBO series Girls, a spokeswoman for mid-to-late-twenties, directionless, dissatisfied, nocturnally-loose, diurnally guilt-laden women everywhere, and the author of the memoir Not That Kind of Girl. 

Have you read? It’s all in there.

Here’s an excerpt, detailing an episode between Lena, aged seven, and her one-year-old sis.

Do we all have uteruses?” I asked my mother when I was seven.

“Yes,” she told me. “We’re born with them, and with all our eggs, but they start out very small. And they aren’t ready to make babies until we’re older.” I look at my sister, now a slim, tough one-year-old, and at her tiny belly. I imagined her eggs inside her, like the sack of spider eggs in Charlotte’s Web, and her uterus, the size of a thimble.

“Does her vagina look like mine?”

“I guess so,” my mother said. “Just smaller.”

One day, as I sat in our driveway in Long Island playing with blocks and buckets, my curiosity got the best of me. Grace was sitting up, babbling and smiling, and I leaned down between her legs and carefully spread open her vagina. She didn’t resist and when I saw what was inside I shrieked.

My mother came running. “Mama, Mama! Grace has something in there!”

My mother didn’t bother asking why I had opened Grace’s vagina. This was within the spectrum of things I did. She just got on her knees and looked for herself. It quickly became apparent that Grace had stuffed six or seven pebbles in there. My mother removed them patiently while Grace cackled, thrilled that her prank had been a success.

Anyway, out on her SUP,  Lena apparently thought she wasn’t going to make it.

We’re not sure if she meant she honestly thought she might not make it, as in live, or if she just didn’t think she could get to the finish line. Regardless, a bronzed, chiseled, savior would appear in the distance!

“This is an image of Laird Hamilton coming to save me,” she captioned a blurry Instagram shot. In it, Lena struggles. Laird, just in the distance, approaches, looking the Hunter and Lena the Hunted.

“He is literally King Triton and as I struggled to complete BCRF’s Paddle for Pink…he appeared as if from the ocean’s depths and guided me to the finish line…. I kept screaming ‘will I make it?!’ like we were in a disaster movie. He said ‘yes, Lena, we will.’ Ladies, there are still a few heroes we can count on…”

We all need a hero, sometimes.

#ThankYouLaird #paddleforpink #3miles.