What do you dream of doing?
I’ve got goals, one of which is positioning myself as a media expert on surfing. Being the guy Fox News uses when they need someone to go off half-cocked, yammering on about vaguely racist subjects with no basis in reality seems like it would be fun as tits. Probably pays pretty well too.
My problem is my filter, or rather, lack of one. Since I have no real incentive to keep my thoughts private I occasionally hear something come out of my mouth which, really, would have been best left unsaid. Fortunately most people don’t take me very seriously, and since I’ve more or less effectively branded myself as a creative type I feel like there’s some expectation of half wit insanity.
But I need more practice. I swear too much, I’ve got a terrible tendency to make unconsciously anti-semitic remarks (and I adore the chosen people), I’m easily riled but have hard time sustaining that fervor for longer than a few minutes. I also lack a bullshit doctorate to give my opinions weight, and you just cant buy them online as easily as you once could.
I recently had the opportunity to be interviewed for a podcast about surfing, which fits my end game to a tee, and I lept at the chance. I think I’ve got a beautiful, resonant, mellifluous voice, if a tad nasal, and I’ve been told many times throughout my life that I’ve got a face made for radio.
It was a perfect fit.
And I could plug Beach Grit, cross promotion galore!
Bahahaa best interview ever!!!
“There’s a lot of mindfuckery that goes on out in the lineup”
“If an apology isn’t enough then that person can go fuck themselves”
“Wait, am I gonna die?”
“I lost all the hearing in my left ear, it’s no big deal”
“It was a ‘what the fuck are you doing here’ moment”
“People say pretty mean things to me”
“Lots of drug references, lots of swears”
HIGHLIGHTS (for those who didn’t eat dinner alone):
– mention of an asshole puckering
– rory hates you spiritual pansies who think surfing is a way to connect with nature
– list of things rory parker does not fear: sharks (“they’re like dogs, man”), drowning (“feels pretty cool”)
– by the transitive property, rory apparently “puts his all” into writing (good one, ror!)
Hey, I bust my ass for a good hour, hour and a half, every day on this stuff.
All that content ain’t gonna steal itself, you know.