New York, Bells, Portugal and… Trestles! All
on one inexpressibly exhilarating reel!
Isn’t it an odd turn of events that a middle-aged man
who, until recently, would dress is in shapeless sacks, is
the most exciting surfer of 2015. As he was the year before and the
year before that.
Yeah, it’s inevitable, I suppose, that John John, or maybe Jack
Robinson, will steal our attention, but, for now, it’s Kelly
Slater, who’ll turn 44, in February.
I mean, thirty seconds to go, needing a ten, who else can smile
faintly, kick start their bike and jump the Caesar Park fountain
like Kelly? Always jerky, but always with a tenuous strength, and
with landings on cushions.
So how about we celebrate his vigour just a little?
Here are his four greatest Hail Marys, New York, Bells, Portugal
and Trestles, all wrapped up in one little pile, complete with the
best song from the expansive oeuvre of Brigitte Bardot.
It's blue (or maybe black, who knows!) belts at ten
paces!
One day ago, the self-described “jiujitsu nerd” Vince
“Bear” Quitugua posted a photograph of Kelly Slater and
pal on his Instagram account (@bearsyr). The caption read: “Kelly
Slater and Zach in a session with Mendes Bros , Shaun and PM. The
world is a better place with Jiu-Jitsu.”
The longboarder-turned-jiujitsu-black-belt Joel Tudor
(@joeljitsu) was enraged by the photo. “Crock of shit – the guy
has been wearing a blue belt for years in pics and always made
excuses when I would call him on it!” he wrote in the comments
pane. “If he wants his belt , tell him to go sign up and put in the
work like everybody else who starts at white and goes through hell
to graduate to blue – anybody on here talking shit to me more than
likely doesn’t train and has zero clue about Jiu Jitsu.”
Pat Tenore (@pmtenore), founder, along with Conan Hayes of RVCA,
hit back: “love this || joel is officially the commissioner of
the jiu jitsu police cry baby club || listen grumpy smurf when you
call out kelly like this you are basically calling out the mendes
brothers and their integrity on who can wear a blue belt or not in
their academy || as far as I can see it wasn’t a rainbow belt and
blue belts do exist at AoJ and kelly is deemed worthy to represent
|| go do yoga calm down || love you joel || we all do but chill ||
don’t be a hater ||”
The other man in the photo, @zachnminskey replied: “Why are
you even jumping in to this conversation? It’s completely
irrelevant to you in every way, shape and form. You are missing
message of Jiu Jitsu which should be to try and build the sport
worldwide. Bear posted this photo to celebrate the cross over of
different communities, not to judge one person by the stripe on
their waist. It’s not like it’s a fake black belt like we’ve seen
recently. I’m pretty sure, being that I’m the other person in the
photo, that Kelly wants to simply understand the sport and has been
training for long enough to do so. I trained with him first hand
and I can say, he is most definitely a blue belt, formal promotion
or not.”
There’s a ton of back and frothing that’s worth a scroll for
laughs. And the feud continued on other accounts.
Over at @PMTenore and from pmtenore: “this is what
jiu jitsu is all about || not belts || what did mr miyagi say “belt
is to hold pants up” he got his at Sears || don’t be a cobra kai’r
and hater || all good”
From haydengerson “Kelly
stop being a poser. Earn your belt and wear it with pride. You
shouldn’t be proud of wearing a belt that you have not
earned.”
And Kelly?
“I didn’t have a belt and that’s all they had handy. Chill
out.”
Loading comments...
Load Comments
0
Just in: Nathan Fletcher Biopic Heavy
Water!
By Derek Rielly
It's sexy as hell, and maybe just a little
melodramatic…
Michael Oblowitiz is a director I met several years
ago at a surf film festival in San Sebastian. He is a man
of the most theatrical looks (brooding pouts, dinner plate
sunglasses) and Hollywood tastes (we danced all night!) and he once
made a movie in Bulgaria, I think it was, with a very over-the-hill
Val Kilmer.
Olowitz won that year’s festival with the never-released, but
maybe soon, or never, Sea of Darkness, a documentary on
drug trafficking within surfing that contained some references to
Quiksilver.
Sea of Darkness was the best thing I’d ever seen about
surfing, even if it had this weird spin at the end about
Quiksilver’s global circumference on the Indies Trader called
The Crossing. I figured the little PR hit at the end was
to repair the damage to the (then) clothing giant from some of the
earlier scenes.
I always wanted to watch Sea of Darkness again (I saw
it twice during the festival) and, as fate’s hand would play it, a
download of it fell into my computer last year. It was every bit as
good as I remembered, although the end felt even more
incongruous.
After Sea of Darkness, Oblowitz chased Sunny Garcia
hither and yon for a documentary. That, too, as far as I know, has
never hit a screen.
Did anything he make ever hit a screen for public viewing?
Now, yes!
Heavy Water, a film about Nathan Fletcher, once the
cutest little blond boy in the whole world now a taciturn
40-something, and his predilection for big waves, is premiering in
San Sebastian on September 25 (#savagecinema), with general release
shortly after. Lets examine the press release:
“From his first sorties at big Waimea at 11 years of age, Nathan
Fletcher showed a prodigious aptitude to big wave surfing. He grew
into a professional surfer following in his father and grandfather
footsetps, trying to conquer the giant surf of the Hawaiin Outer
reefs. In Sion Milosky, Nathan found an equally driven peer.
Together they reignited the “big gun” style of paddle in surfing.
Our story follows our modern day Big Wave adventures as they live
out the drama in an
arena that encounters life and death.”
Mix Michael Oblowitz and big waves and you do get melodrama.
Willing to pay the ultimate price.
A brotherhood.
Gnarliest big-wave charger anyone had ever seen.
But who doesn’t love a little blood in their phallus?
Watch the trailer here!
(Please forgive an early posting of this piece with Sion
Milosky’s name misspelled.)
Loading comments...
Load Comments
0
Exciting: Surf a Tsunami!
By Chas Smith
It comes to California in a few hours (I think. I'm
in Rome.)
A massive 8.3 earthquake rattled the Chilean
coast last night, forcing Santiago’s skyscrapers to dance and
sending over a million people out of their homes. Thankfully the
death toll has been relatively low and a tsunami is on the way to
Hawaii and Orange County, California. The first waves are supposed
to arrive at 4:46 am west coast time. Dawn patrol!
The Huntington Beach Police Dept. issued a tsunami advisory
saying:
• The impact of this tsunami will be stronger than normal
currents and possible higher than normal tidal surges along the
beaches. Stay out of the water.
• There will be a strong outgoing tidal current at the same time
the tsunami arrives. The combined effect could produce very
strong currents in harbors and bays.
• A Tsunami event is a series of waves that can last for several
hours. The first wave is usually not the strongest.
Local Coastal Officials are monitoring the situation and
directing all persons to be advised:
• Beaches, harbor and marina will be closed starting at 4
AM.
• Local officials will determine when areas are safe to open.
• Contact your local jurisdiction for more specific
information.
Of course it’s a horrible idea but would you like to surf a
tsunami? Would it be fun or a let down? Like visiting the Sphinx in
Egypt? (It is real small, fyi.)
Loading comments...
Load Comments
0
As I might've mentioned, Filipe Toledo will
win the Hurley Pro either tomoz or the day after. He will gesture
and bellow and people will say, "Look at him! Isn't he
happy!"
A Punic Celebration of the Hurley Pro!
By Mariano Landa
Literature or cruel, child-like poems?
Emily Dickinson once commented, “If I feel
physically as if the top of my head were taken off, I know that is
poetry.”
In this interlude between Hurley Pro lay-days, new guy to the
BeachGrit scene and aspiring poet laureate, Mr. Mariano
Landa, has a go at rhetorical decapitation.