Kolohe Andino was… enchanting! He was everything
you expected him not to be! | Photo: WSL
Abyss: Day Three, Rip Curl Pro,
Portugal
By Rory Parker
Fanning, Slater, Adriano buried. Meanwhile, Kolohe
Andino continues to soar!
Ricardinho Toledo is certainly packing on the pounds,
huh? I’ve been watching the guy inflate all season,
at this rate they’ll be able to roll him down the beach by next
year.
His kid took out Mason Ho with a surplus of points.
I’m so sick of hearing the talking heads try to convince us the
waves are good. Sure, by El Porto standards. But I want to
see the best surf well, not suffer through some tedious wave
catching contests.
Why did Slater have one of those shitty plastic skateboards in
his locker? Which, I noticed, are made from particle board. Way to
cut corners, WSL!
The Portuguese Wave Series is an interesting idea. Like the
Triple Crown, only the wave suck and no one cares who wins.
Slater’s performance is pretty much guaranteeing we’ll see him
on tour next year. I don’t believe the most competitive man on
Earth is willing to retire on a low note.
Whichever judge gave Nat Young a 9.5 for three lackluster
backside turns needs to have his fucking eyes examined.
It’s ironic that ADS got knocked out by a wildcard with even
worse style. Not, like, O. Henry level, more like rain on your
wedding day.
JJ should’ve won his heat, but I like Keanu Asing, so I’m not
too upset about it.
I certainly hope no one picked their Fantasy team based on my
recommendations. Everyone but Flores is out by round three.
Oof.
Speaking of Flores, Frenchy’s on a tear, huh? Don’t really
know how that last wave was a 9.43, but whatever.
Meanwhile, Kolohe Andino continues to soar, and as predicted
(here).
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…serving up a little whipped cream to the world title
race. And Strider's hair? Menopausal lesbian cut? | Photo: Julian
Wilson
Replay: Mason Ho’s Portugal Interview!
By Rory Parker
Who else does post-heat interviews like Mason Ho?
He vibrates like little dog!
I only made it a few minutes into ADS v Pires before
turning off the webcast and heading to bed. Only nine-ish,
Hawaiian time, but I had a long session earlier in the day, my body
is still recovering from my last surgery, and I was pretty
wiped.
I’d’ve soldiered on if it had looked worth the effort, but with
waves resembling a fun day at the Newport River Jetties, pretty
good for normal humans, not so awesome for competitive rippery,
sleep seemed the better option.
I woke up this morning, dutifully headed to the WSL site to
check the heat analyzer. Looks like I made the right call. Pretty
uninspiring stuff. Even JJF, owner of the highest heat total of the
day, failed to excite.
Mr Mason was my highlight.
His surfing was good, barely restrained, you could see him
holding back. Quivering with excitement, dying to go balls to
the wall, but dialing it down a few notches, from his natural
eleven to a heat winning 7. Which is what it takes to take
it.
Mason’s body language reminded me of my french bulldog, Mr
Debs, when he knows we’re going for a walk but I make him sit at
the front door and wait for me to get my shit together. Muscles
tensed, eyes wide, chock full of excitement. Shaking so fast he’s
vibrating. Mason’s his human equivalent, not in physical build,
just all around adorability. Which I’m pretty sure is a real
word.
He’s the perfect polar opposite of Dane.
Reynolds is so obviously over the comp scene, not that I blame
him. Like a lot of people who dedicate their youth to a single
pursuit he’s moved on. There’s more to life.
But Mason’s so obviously stoked to be there. You can even see it
in his surfing, riding that fine line between amped and out of
control. And you can taste it in his post heat interviews. They’re
always gold, last night was no exception.
That little grin, the body language that says he doesn’t want to
gush but just can’t help it. I’m opposed on principal to giving
multiple wildcards to the same person, but our little Ho is making
me rethink that position.
One thing I wonder about, and I feel a little bad for asking, do
you think Strider cruises into his hair stylist, sits down and
says, “Give me the menopausal lesbian”?
(Video should autoplay at the interview, but if it doesn’t, head
to 1:59:00)
"This is the first time I've surfed conditions like
this in years," said Owen Wright after losing to contest alternate
Caio Ibelli. "I'm devastated to go out in conditions like that.
There's no hiding from it."
Owen: “A crucial heat and it’s one
foot!”
By Samuel Einstein
World title hopefuls tumble like dice at the Moche
Rip Curl Pro Portugal…
Supertubos is my favorite wave in Europe and
I’ve gotten the best barrels of my life there. I live in
Portugal. I know how good it gets. I love the joint.
Now get this stop off the fucking tour.
Or make it mobile.
As the second-last event on tour, the implications of this
stop are obvious. Last year, Gabriel Medina and Kelly Slater were
eliminated in consecutive round three heats by Brett Simpson and
Aritz Aranburu. The waves sucked and the world title was on the
line.
This year, the victims are Owen Wright and Julian Wilson,
numbers three and four in the title race. Both are almost certainly
eliminated from contention after consecutive round two losses, both
served up by contest alternates in barely QS-worthy waves.
Owen summed it up in his post-heat interview when asked about
the world title implications of the loss, saying he “hadn’t surfed
waves like that in years… that’s the part I’m pretty spewin’ about.
Apart from my performance, I felt like I did ok, but yeah, the
world title part I’m devastated about that. To go out in conditions
like this, you know, this is not what we surf all year. This is a
one off. It’s a crucial heat for me, and you know, its one foot.
There’s no hiding from that. I’m pissed off about it.”
Julian mustered a similar, yet more concise response: “It’s
hard. You work so hard all year to get in the title race and it
comes down to those conditions. It’s a tough pill to swallow for
sure.”
At this time of year, Supertubos can be real fickle, mostly
due to the shiftiness of the wind. There can easily be a week
straight of south wind (as was seen the two previous years) or west
wind (which will make its debut during next week’s run of swell),
in which case it’s shit for Supertubos.
However, I’m sure everyone remembers all the dreamy GoPro barrel
footage from last year’s comp. Just in case you forgot, it’s the
same footage being looped throughout this year’s broadcast. Yes,
that was in the Peniche area, and yes, it was firing like that
exactly during the contest window.
What makes it even more ironic is that the stretch of coast at
which it was filmed happens to lay directly in front of where the
majority of the competitors stay while in Peniche and is no more
than ten minutes from Supertubos. The same thing happened two years
ago as well.
What makes Peniche (and Portugal as a whole) such a good place
to go surfing is that there are beaches angled in every
direction, all of which get swell. To put that it into perspective,
during these last two shitty days of competition, there were spots
within 30-minute drive that were firing (or at least much better
than Supertubos).
Even now, they are claiming that there are waves on the
way. However, it’s obvious the wind is going to be straight
onshore. I guess big junk is better than little junk, right?
I got a little advice for the WSL. Mobilise and use the bounty
of easily accessible waves in the region or take this event off
tour.
Either that, or just come straight out and say that wave quality
is simply not the top priority for WSL. Given how important this
event is to both the local economy and the thriving Portuguese surf
scene in general, I can guarantee permits are not the issue.
Sack up or pack up.
And now the highlights!
Round two results:
Heat 1: A. de Souza, 12.43, T. Pires 6.17
Heat 2: C. Ibelli 13.33, O. Wright 12.37
Heat 3: M. Ho 13.93, J. Wilson 13.06
Heat 4: I. Ferreira 11.50, T. Hermes 9.74
Heat 5: J. Flores 12.76, A. Aranburu 12.00
Heat 6: R. Christie 10.73, W. Dantas 8.70
Heat 7: J. Florence 16.20, G. Hall 8.70
Upcoming:
Heat 8: K. Otton, C. Hobgood
Heat 9: J. Parkinson, A. Melling
Heat 10: A. Buchan, S. Zietz
Heat 11: J. Andre, K. Andino
Heat 12: M. Pupo, M. Bourez
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Investing: “I lost my shirt!”
By Chas Smith
But Nick Woodman lost $1,400,000,000.00! But my
shirt was really nice.
I was riding high on a cloud of optimism a few
short months ago. “Action sports is a growth industry!” I thought
“It bottomed out after years of questionable decision-making
(hello, Rossignol!) and now we are all going to ride a rocketship
to financial glory!”
And I wanted to join in on the largesse. I wanted to rub
shoulders with the big wigs, the hoity-toity, so I threw money at
Quiksilver’s (ZQKSQ) stock and at GoPro’s (GPRO) stock and waited
for my invitation to ring Wall Street’s opening bell.
Then Quiksilver went bankrupt.
And GoPro shed 50% of its value.
This last one actually took me by surprise. Apparently “market
downdraft” and persistent rumors that Apple is going to get into
the cam game have shredded GoPro.
Now I’m poor.
But guess who else is poor? GoPro’s CEO Nick Woodman! According
to Bloomberg Biz:
Nick Woodman, the billionaire founder of action camera-maker
GoPro Inc., has seen his fortune fall $1.4 billion this
year…
GoPro is down 53 percent in 2015. Woodman’s net worth is
down 46 percent for the year to $1.6 billion, according to the
Bloomberg Billionaires Index, buoyed by cash from sales of
GoPro shares. Apple is up about 2 percent this year, according to
data collected by Bloomberg.
The decline comes even as the company has sought to expand
its reach, including a deal with Toyota Motor Corp. to use GoPro as
the on-board camera for its 2016 Tacoma pickups, and the hiring of
Hulu’s Charlotte Koh as head of a newly created division to produce
features and series.
GoPro’s rout has also hit
Woodman’s compensation. He collected $287.2 million last year,
mostly in restricted stock, which made him the highest-paid
executive in the U.S. One-third of the shares paid out immediately.
Another two-thirds were earned based on price targets the company
hit in January — the first month of a three year performance
period. Those will pay out through June 2017, according to the
company’s proxy.
He remains the highest-paid executive in the U.S., according
to the Bloomberg Pay Index, though his compensation has fallen
to $136.3 million. The second-highest earning U.S. executive,
Liberty Global Plc Chairman and CEO Michael Fries, has seen the
value of his 2014 pay fall to $119.4 million from $132 million.
Elon Musk, the founder of Tesla Motors Inc., is No. 3 with a
current value of $115 million.
Nick! If you need to supplement your income, now that you’re
poor, you can come work with us at BeachGrit! Like GoPro,
we are a fast-paced business with an eye toward year-on-year
growth. Also like GoPro, we use Apple products to….oh wait.
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Quiksilver gets $175m bankruptcy loan!
By Derek Rielly
Unsecured creditors, meanwhile, get screwed for
$192 million…
Bankruptcy is a helluva biz. You can wipe away
years of bad decision with a snap of the fingers and leave all
those poor schlubs that kept the biz alive for all those years with
their textiles, their services, their artisan skills, holding out
their hands, begging for a few pennies in the dollar.
In the case of the bankrupt surf icon Quiksilver Inc, which has
just won court approval for $175 million in bankruptcy financing
($115 million from the largest distressed-debt investor in the
world, Oaktree Capital, the rest from the Bank of America),
unsecured creditors who are owed more than $200 million would get
to split seven-and-a-half mill.
What’s that work out to? Three and three-quarter cents out of
every dollar.
Let’s do a little maths. Say you were owed a hundred grand. You
get a little under four gees back.
Nice.
Quiksilver Inc, meanwhile, will exit court protection with
half-a-billion dollars less debt.
Not that the circling by distressed debt investors is over,
even if Oaktree is the front-runner.
