Want to surf the Pipe? Want to stay on the Shore? You can! And it won't cost a dime…
Headed to Oahu this Winter? Want to save a little money? Don’t mind screwing someone over, as long as they deserve it? Then you are in luck!
Did you know that there are only 828 legal vacation rentals on Oahu? And only 177 are outside of Waikiki!
Now, you’re probably thinking, “How can that be, Rory? I looked online, there are, literally, thousands of places available. You can’t be saying that they’re ALL illegal?”
That is exactly what I’m saying.
Which is a problem, you know, for the people that live here. Every apartment, or condo, or stand-alone house used for short-term vacation rentals is one less available to residents.
Now, I know that there are those among you who think that you should be able to do whatever you want with your property, in spite of any negative consequences for your fellow citizens. And I guess that’s okay. I think you’re a greedy asshole and I hope your dick rots off, but you’re entitled to your own opinions.
And, thanks supply and demand, the spots left become increasingly unaffordable.
Now, I know that there are those among you who think that you should be able to do whatever you want with your property, in spite of any negative consequences for your fellow citizens. And I guess that’s okay. I think you’re a greedy asshole and I hope your dick rots off, but you’re entitled to your own opinions.
The thing is… well, I guess I believe that part of being a society is living by its rules. Unless you don’t want to, but there’s a downside to that.
We agree not to fuck each other over, to play by the rules, to perform at a minimum level of decency. And the bar isn’t really very high.
But when you decide to pick and choose the rules you’ll follow, well, you just have to accept that other people can do the same. If an employer feels it’s in his best interests to shave wages, then his employees have every right to rob him blind.
Or, if you feel that you can turn a tidy profit by illegally renting out a home you own, then people can just decide not to pay you. Morality is fluid like that.
And that’s what I’m advocating. Just don’t pay.
I’m well aware that most places require a deposit, and some even insist you pay in full in advance. But a deposit is still far less than the total cost of stay, and you can usually talk your way around paying in advance. After all, you haven’t actually seen the place, and how do you know it’s even legit? Tons of vacation rental fraud out there. You wouldn’t want someone to take advantage of you.
You can even be real ballsy, put in on your credit card, then do a charge back. Or stop payment on the check. Use some pretense, that it wasn’t as described. It doesn’t really matter.
Because your erstwhile landlord has no recourse!
If they try and sue you they’ll end up in small claims court, assuming the total you owe is under $5000. But the thing is, serving a small claims summons to someone out of state is nearly impossible. And it won’t come to that anyway.
There’s a ton of money in renting a place out for $300 a day when its fair market month-to-month price sits around $2100, and the idea of losing that income stream is terrifying.
While enforcement of short term rental laws are nearly non-existent, possible fines are actually quite large. Do you think a property owner will be willing to gamble a long-term meal ticket over a comparatively paltry sum of money?
Better to just eat this loss and make it up by gouging a few suckers with a bogus $500 “cleaning fee.”
Simply check the address against the linked list (click here). If its not in there, you’re in the clear.
Spend the money you save on something fun, like a kitschy ukulele, or a coconut painted with a sunset, or numerous blowjobs from a series slag of strippers outside one of the numerous tiny sketchy strip clubs sprinkled through the alleys surrounding Femme Nu.
You’ll be glad you did!
You are completely correct about the changing face of the North Shore (I’ve lived there for 25 years) and the influx of absentee home owners turning their properties into investments through vacation rental. Many of the beachfront houses in the OTW/Pipeline stretch are rented out by Surf Corps. all year and used as vacation rentals in the off-season to help offset their costs too. It’s pretty fucking lame… however there are also “regular” (as in not rich) people that vacation rent parts of their houses out (rooms, studios, etc.) in order to simply pay their mortgage. I know it’s a fine line, and many people are simply greedy. When I first moved to the NS, I rented a room for a week from a single mom just trying to make ends meet for her and her kid (who is known as one of the best goofy foot chargers in Pipeline history, and I am still friends with today)
If I followed your recommendation of burning anyone who has a vacation rental on the NS I would have had my ass kicked by one of the boys and had an entirely different life.
Yeah, don’t shit on anyone if you’re plan on hanging around long term. That’d be fucking stupid.
A thought.
I think there are two very distinct issues here. 1) lower end property that may be actually used by locals. 2) high end property that a local would never rent
Full disclosure, I have ‘friends’ who rent out the later. My friend employes multiple locals to help maintain and service his property.
Rory, do your service employee friends feel as you do? A sh*tload of money comes into the Hawaiian economy via many of these high end rental properties.
I personally loved the north shore 30 years ago but I bet there are many who also embrace the increase in opportunity. How many ex surf pros run surf classes to tourists these days?
Bottom line: Like it or not, tourism is the economic engine in Hawaii. Might want to think twice before you bite the hand that feeds.
Ah, the old “tourism supports Hawaii” argument.
So what? That doesn’t mean that people can just flout whatever laws they want in the pursuit of money. I’m glad your buddy kicks down a little of his ill gotten gains to whoever trims the hedges and scrubs cum off the sheets, but the idea that “locals” should be happy living in less desirable spots while the best locations are reserved for visitors is ridiculous.
As far as surf schools, you know they’re licensed and regulated too, right? Try and set up an illegal school at Chun’s or Waikiki and see how that goes for you. I’m sure Uncle Brian will be really understanding.
great way to make sure you’re never coming back to the island. Such a dick move instructions. of those 800+ rents there’s LOT of nice families operating units in their homes at a fair price.
Don’t feed me that line. This isn’t a case of hardworking local families renting out a spare room in Ewa Beach to help make ends meet, it’s rich people using investment properties to turn a profit while ignoring local zoning laws and transient accommodation regulations.
Exactly right…no pay the taxes, avoid zoning laws (and hog local parking with rental cars), and everyone loses except the investment property owner.
Rory, I wanted to be appalled, but I gotta say I love scams. It would be better if I could scam a faceless company, but a fine one all the same. Dora would be proud.
There’s something to be said for looking someone in the eye right before you twist the knife, though.
You could do this, if you don’t ever want to visit the North Shore again.
Nah, you just can’t stay at the same place again.
CoughcoughKenBradshawcough…
Right on, brother! Name and shame!
know anyone that has tried this? I’d be interested to know if this was solely speculative or if your theory has been tested. Also I’m assuming this only applies to haole homeowners…
Have I done it myself? No.
Have I seen it done to people I know who own illegal rentals? Yes.