The inaugural BeachGrit Honolua Bay Invitational is waiting for you!
Yesterday, our very own Rory Parker sent over a very funny story about how much it costs to permit Maui’s famed Honolua Bay for three days. HERE
At first read I mistakenly thought he wrote “Hanalei Bay” and thought, “Oh wonderful! Let’s permit it ourselves and run a contest. We’ll invite Kala and Kai Borg and Bruce Irons and Dustin Barca and you (if you pay your $25,000 entry fee).
At second read (I have to read Rory’s stories twice because he insists on putting two spaces after each period) I realized it was Honolua Bay and thought, “Even better! Maui has no locals! Let’s really throw a wild and crazy contest! But how to raise the money?”
Insightful commenter Mariano Landa wrote, while I was thinking:
Social entrepreneurs are the scourge of the earth. At least investment bankers tell you they’re going to make a buck and fuck you, me, and everyone else instead of acting like profiting from poverty and public funding is a necessary vocation in the post-internet era.
“Eureka!” I shouted and busily cooked up a GoFundMe for the very first BeachGrit Honolua Bay Invitational! Here’s the pitch:
You come to BeachGrit for surf gossip, blood feuds and Matt Warshaw…now stay for our very first surf surf contest!
That’s right! We are raising money for the inaugural BeachGrit Honolua Bay Invitational. A surf contest for the rest of us! We have found a way to secure three days of primo Honolua Bay swell, exclusively, and instead of hording we pass the savings on to you!
The Invitational will be two days pitting “Pros” against “Joes.” You could surf against stars like Ian Walsh or Albee Layer or even Laird Hamilton. Just picture it! The winner will hoist the beautiful Koa wood trophy and be lauded by his or her peers, but, more importantly, will just have surfed gorgous barrelling rights, alone, for two days!
Also, if there is a “joe” who prefers not to paddle out with Laird Hamilton, one whole day will be reserved for his largesse. He can reserve it all and surf with his five best friends but also be given a Koa wood trophy.
The contest will take place around this time next year. How can you not open your wallet?
Come HERE HERE HERE to pledge your dollars. “Next year in Honolua!” as they say…
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How much extra would a pre heat pep talk from Laird set me back? Also, will he be on the SUP or the hydrofoil? Need to start strategizing.
Pros vs Cons vs Joes is another way to go. Three-man heats. Except the jailbirds would run away with it.
First Honolua, next Pipe (with co-sponsor Piping Hot)!
Sounds awesome, put me in coach
Damn it, two spaces was drilled into my head for decades! That’s no small amount of muscle memory to overcome. See! I just did it again that last sentence. I already stopped with the indents, what more do you want of me?!?!?!
Two spaces is easily fixed with a find & replace when all is said and done. It’s a unnecessary relic, but it’s not the worst habit. (Besides, if you’re uploading your content right, the internet will fix it for you).
On the other hand, oxford commas til the day I clutch my chest, keel over, and fucking die.
Peanut, perhaps you could give RP a tutorial on contextual linking too – his continued use of ‘click here’ links smacks of middle age.
Did Hunter Thompson use double period-spaces? James Joyce? Is the Grit Gonzo?
I’d guess so, as the internet rabbit hole all this has led me down points to typewriter monospacing as the reason for double spacing post period. It apparently hasn’t been the standard since computers became common, which means every single fucking teacher I ever had was an idiot. I guess that’s kind of nice, makes me feel validated.
It’s still the proper form in script writing, because you’re supposed to use courier new, which is monospaced.
I’m kind of bummed, this is just more useless knowledge taking up space in my brain that could be put to better use. It took way too long for me to remember how to jump start a car yesterday, I blame that on this type of shit.
Fucking California school system. I can barely add.
a true generational indicator.
I’ve surfed Honolua, but for that money I’ll just rent up Taverna for a week.
Taverna? Is that somewhere in Greece?
Taverna Tony in Malibu? Funny that Taverna is my auto correct for Tavarua.
I thought this was a forum for the disenfranchised proletarian surfer. I can’t afford any of those options!
But Chas, you’re not a social entrepreneur if you’re not helping the disenfranchised by getting rich. Maybe let the locals recycle the empty bottles?
Damn it. The missing piece. Maybe for $6k someone could pick empty bottles up next to the locals too?
Totally. Call it voluntourism and/or make it a service-learning internship and you could probably get $10k out of your “collaborators.”
We are going to get soooooo rich! I mean save the world.
All while providing young’uns with valuable work experience. Pulitzer nomination? Nah, beatification!!!