Own one of the best waves in the world for three choice days. Do it today!
When I first heard the WSL planned to run the ladies’ Honolua event on Sunday I got very excited. More WSL fuckery! Oh, I’m sooooo outraged and riled, can’t wait to cause some trouble.
Thing is, Maui County don’t have the same rules as Honolulu County, where you’re not allowed to run on Sun. Because it’s Jesus’s day and he’s not into competitive surfing. Or, really, because it guarantees one day people can go to the beach without dealing with contest bullshit ruining their good time.
Turns out all that bong resin in my brain has fucked my short-term memory pretty well. You actually can run events on Sunday on Oahu, just not on state holidays or more than two weekends in a row. Read here!
But, come on, I’m a smart guy, surely I can drum up some sort of fake indignation. Just gotta find the facts to fit the argument. I’ve never taken a journalism course. Maybe I should, maybe it’ll give me some good tips about manufacturing hysteria. Maybe it’ll give me an excuse to hang around the local community college and poach impressionable young kids. Lure ’em back to my place. “Oh yeah, I’m totally a successful writer. I’d be more than happy to read your stuff. Why don’t you swing by my pad later today, we’ll have a few bottles of wine and see where the day takes us?”
In the meanwhile I’ve no option but to track down all the rules and permits and see if anything doesn’t line up. Bad news (for me), it’s all on the up and up.
I did come across the permit for this year’s event, very nice of the State DLNR to post it online for my perusal HERE.
There’s some interesting stuff in there. The WSL is still legally called the ASP North America LLC. I didn’t know that. Okay, I admit it’s not that interesting.
I’m watching the contest as I type this. It’s the first heat and Tyler Wright just a pretty sick little tube. It’s great to see the women surf some quality.
It’s always cool to see how much money it takes to privatize natural resources. Ever wonder how much it costs to take possession of three acres of Honolua Beach front during the three week waiting period, plus sole access to the best two days of surf during that swell window? Only $26,136! Quite a bargain!
Of course, it could be more, if they decided to force an environmental impact report. But it seems to be the DLNR’s opinion that erecting tons of shit on pristine public land doesn’t require one. Very nice of them. They do require you use Deep Blue Surf Contest Protocol HERE and/or an equivalent. In this case I guess the WSL went with “and/or an equivalent,” as the event isn’t listed on sustainablesurf.org’s website. No big deal, those fuckers call themselves “social entrepreneurs” a self identification that never fails to enrage me. “Hey, I bet we can make a ton of money, and not pay any taxes, by pretending we give a shit.”
Remember when micro-finance was the new big thing? Lending tiny amounts at usurious rates to people in impoverished nations? That went well, right?
Mr. Chas Smith is of the opinion that “We should so GoFundMe a BeachGrit contest on Kauai. Let’s do it!”
No fucking way. I live here, I got mine. All you cocksuckers can stay the fuck away.
But I’d be on board with doing something similar on a neighbor island.
What do ya’ say? Any of you chumps feel like gifting BeachGrit some dough so we can ruin a spot for a bit? We’ve got a snowball’s chance in hell of getting WSL sanctioning, so it’d just be a bunch of b-level ability boners, like you and me.
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It looked pretty damn tasty yesterday, I’ll throw in a couple bucks…
all hells about to break loose in Hawaii surf-wise….looks like the start of the Pipe masters might just get the last of a series of macking WNW swells.
danes startin his own brand! get writing beachgrit!
DESTROYER! you heard it here second!
The BeachGrit Lunada Bay Open.
by the by, anyone see Jordy Smith surfing Sunset today?
yip, I cant wait till the day he gets hungry and starts surfing at 80% or more…
Chance of him getting the WSL ‘injury’ wild card next year? I’d have to guess it’s pretty high up there, I can’t think of anyone else that broke themselves off this year and are in danger of falling off tour.
Seems to me if surfers get to vote the injury wildcard they would give it to Banting. I mean, who’d you rather face all year?
Ha, Banting. I spend most of my days watching, reading/writing about, or actually surfing, and I completely forgot Banting. That’s how forgettable he is. While he might be the surfers’ choice, there’s no way in hell the WSL marketing department would let that fly.
And cuts his hair. You just can’t have long hair with a forehead that big.
Newman! You came over here to get away from the upvotes?
I think I’ve matured Negs. I think I’m ready. Is it a me-versus-five-of-you-guys initiation?
I see – the silence initiation. The ultimate violence. I can take it.
Maybe if it was a left Rory. How much to hire goons to take over Desert Point?
Goons have taken over Desert point… Its like a MMA training ground by all accounts.
how much for goons to clear out the goons?
Surely Da Hui must be running cheap rates in the off season?
Social entrepreneurs are the scourge of the earth. At least investment bankers tell you they’re going to make a buck and fuck you, me, and everyone else instead of acting like profiting from poverty and public funding is a necessary vocation in the post-internet era.