So sweet it'll melt your ears!
Because I’m the healthiest sick person on earth I had the pleasure of spending my entire morning on the phone, using my sweetest fake nice phone voice to try and weasel my way into the last minute physical and hearing test I need before I go under for my latest god damn ear surgery.
For those keeping count, this will be the fourth time I’ve had an ear cut mostly off, then sewn back on. Third time for the left, ol’ Rightie’s had an easy go of it.
Thanks to our blessed Obama’s elimination of pre-existing conditions I have killer insurance. A lifelong series of head hole difficulties, coupled with my apparent prediliction for post-slam ER trips, would have made me un-insurable in the not so recent past. But, fuck, if I was expected to pay for all this shit out of pocket?
Going over hospital bills blows my mind. The sheer amount of debt you’d run up if you got seriously hurt and weren’t covered? It’s just so far beyond reason, I don’t know why people even bother paying a cent. Sure, it’d ruin your credit, but when you’re saddled with $500k+ ruination you’ll never be able to afford anything anyway.
Even when you’re safely covered, you’ve gotta stay on top of everyone when it comes time to pay up. Constant overcharges, bullshit “errors”- never in your favor. The people who supplied me with my IV stuff “accidentally” racked up over $1000, didn’t refund me until I noticed and called a few months later.
“Oh, we noticed that, I was just about to process your refund.”
Health insurance is really the only reason I’m married. After my wife finished law school she was uninsured for a few months. And, wouldn’t you know it? Here’s this weird lump in her tit!
Scary stuff, though in the end it was nothing. But the affair led to the most romantic proposal in the history of mankind.
“So, you know, if we were married you could just get on my plan.”
“Yeah, oof, I know.”
“And we’ll probably get a better tax rate when you find a law job.”
“So, like, you think we should just do it? It’s been twelve years, it’s not like either of us is going anywhere.”
“That’s true. Fuck it. Do we have to have a wedding?”
“Our families will probably get pissed if we don’t. Let’s just only give them a few weeks notice and not offer to pay for anything. No one will come that way.”
“Will you sign a pre-nup?”
“Hell no. I get half.”
I’m not sure how it works in countries with socialized medicine. I know we have a few readers from NZ and Aus, you all got that deal going, right? American propaganda tells us that your medical care sucks and that you’re taxed out the asses for it. Which doesn’t seem ideal. I’m sure I could find out the truth with a few hours spent online, but I’m not gonna bother.
Our deal works out pretty well. The majority of the premium is covered by the wife’s employer. Our share, while not small, isn’t particularly onerous. So I guess I can see the appeal of this system. If we were expected to pay a percentage it’d be more than just paying our little employer subsidized portion. Other people are out of luck, they can go get fucked. USA!
Even so, we’ve paid out enough this year to buy a boat. And I really want a little zodiac to run about. And I don’t want to feel lucky to have access to quality medical care. And I really wish I didn’t have to leave Kauai to get this shit done. And I really, really, really hope that none of the nursing staff decides molest my sexily unconscious body.