So sweet it'll melt your ears!
Because I’m the healthiest sick person on earth I had the pleasure of spending my entire morning on the phone, using my sweetest fake nice phone voice to try and weasel my way into the last minute physical and hearing test I need before I go under for my latest god damn ear surgery.
For those keeping count, this will be the fourth time I’ve had an ear cut mostly off, then sewn back on. Third time for the left, ol’ Rightie’s had an easy go of it.
Thanks to our blessed Obama’s elimination of pre-existing conditions I have killer insurance. A lifelong series of head hole difficulties, coupled with my apparent prediliction for post-slam ER trips, would have made me un-insurable in the not so recent past. But, fuck, if I was expected to pay for all this shit out of pocket?
Going over hospital bills blows my mind. The sheer amount of debt you’d run up if you got seriously hurt and weren’t covered? It’s just so far beyond reason, I don’t know why people even bother paying a cent. Sure, it’d ruin your credit, but when you’re saddled with $500k+ ruination you’ll never be able to afford anything anyway.
Even when you’re safely covered, you’ve gotta stay on top of everyone when it comes time to pay up. Constant overcharges, bullshit “errors”- never in your favor. The people who supplied me with my IV stuff “accidentally” racked up over $1000, didn’t refund me until I noticed and called a few months later.
“Oh, we noticed that, I was just about to process your refund.”
How convenient.
Health insurance is really the only reason I’m married. After my wife finished law school she was uninsured for a few months. And, wouldn’t you know it? Here’s this weird lump in her tit!
Scary stuff, though in the end it was nothing. But the affair led to the most romantic proposal in the history of mankind.
“So, you know, if we were married you could just get on my plan.”
“Yeah, oof, I know.”
“And we’ll probably get a better tax rate when you find a law job.”
“Yeah…”
“So, like, you think we should just do it? It’s been twelve years, it’s not like either of us is going anywhere.”
“That’s true. Fuck it. Do we have to have a wedding?”
“Our families will probably get pissed if we don’t. Let’s just only give them a few weeks notice and not offer to pay for anything. No one will come that way.”
“Will you sign a pre-nup?”
“Hell no. I get half.”
I’m not sure how it works in countries with socialized medicine. I know we have a few readers from NZ and Aus, you all got that deal going, right? American propaganda tells us that your medical care sucks and that you’re taxed out the asses for it. Which doesn’t seem ideal. I’m sure I could find out the truth with a few hours spent online, but I’m not gonna bother.
Our deal works out pretty well. The majority of the premium is covered by the wife’s employer. Our share, while not small, isn’t particularly onerous. So I guess I can see the appeal of this system. If we were expected to pay a percentage it’d be more than just paying our little employer subsidized portion. Other people are out of luck, they can go get fucked. USA!
Even so, we’ve paid out enough this year to buy a boat. And I really want a little zodiac to run about. And I don’t want to feel lucky to have access to quality medical care. And I really wish I didn’t have to leave Kauai to get this shit done. And I really, really, really hope that none of the nursing staff decides molest my sexily unconscious body.
I once had the pleasure of explaining the American healthcare system to some Aussies/NZers once while traveling and they were shocked to the point of disbelief over how it works.
It’s heaven for the working man down here Rory. I get banged up I go visit the local hospital, no money down, they fix me up.
America’s Randian system of capitalism sure has produced better music, literature etc etc but the common man is so much better off with a public healthcare system it ain’t even funny.
Did you know Hawaii is one of the only (maybe the only) states that forces employers to provide health insurance for anyone who works more than 20 hours per week? And they can only ding you for 1% of your wages as part of the premium. Where it kicks you in the ass is getting spouses/kids covered.
I did the math after writing this piece, which was the wrong order, but I figured out we pay 8.5% of our gross income keeping me insured (not counting the roughly $20k in hospital shit we’ve had to pay in the last two years.) And since that won’t scale as we earn more (one day I WILL figure out how to earn a buck with this writing thing), it’s an easy bit of propaganda to sell, since America is full of future millionaires. No one wants to admit they’ll struggle forever.
But the same plan a few years ago, back when my wife was in law school and we were broke, would have been 30% of what I was making. Which is, obviously, totally unaffordable, especially considering our absurd rent ate an additional 60% of what I was earning.
I love that we share a mutual hatred of Rand. Maybe, if America gets lucky and elects a commie Jew for our next president, we can convince him to exhume that whore’s corpse, grind it up, and use it in the mortar of some low income housing. We can call it “Roark Estates” and watch all the idiot objectivists lose their minds.
hahahahhaah
We pay a little more tax than you, but not much. When you don’t have a huge war machine to fund it tends to free up some cash for things like health. (Disclaimer: please keep funding that war machine because we might need it soon.)