This is what the Big Wave World Tour is supposed to
be.
I was hoping I could pass off the semis and finals to
either Chas or Derek, but it looks like I’m all in on this
one.
So, everyone do me a favor and lay off complaining about typos.
Writing this much this fast is kind of difficult. Not as hard as a
proper roundhouse cutback, but still damn challenging.
Plus I keep hitting the space bar twice after every fucking
period and I’m trying to break myself of the habit, which is making
everything even more difficult.
So, yeah, I’m running spell check and sending it off.
If you’ve got a problem with that level of effort keep it to
yourself. Or don’t. It’s the internet, nothing stopping you from
trying to hurt my feelings. Helps me build a thick skin anyway, and
I’m finding that the less I care the better I write.
Semi-final one was a pretty timid affair, compared to the early
rounds. Second water patrol went down, gonna take some work to get
that ski running again. But the swell seems to be tapering off a
bit.
Or there’s just a long lull in the power before it turns back
on. Because that’ll happen on big days, it drops a bit, you paddle
inside, then watch one cap out the back. Nothing to do but sit and
wait and take your beating.
Ever experienced baurotrauma? Shit hurts, bad. Easy to blow out
your ear drums. Just one of the million not so little things that
makes surfing waves this size so gnarly. Something most people
never consider.
I once asked Dave Wassel about the pressure change you
experience diving under waves this size. Every 33 feet
underwater is another atmosphere of pressure you need to equalize,
a 60-foot face rolling over your head makes that pressure
differential instantaneous.
Ever experienced baurotrauma? Shit hurts, bad. Easy to blow out
your ear drums. Just one of the million not so little things that
makes surfing waves this size so gnarly. Something most people
never consider.
Billy Kemper got second in his heat with only one wave! Local
boy is killing it!
Ski three gets flipped, driver’s okay, looks like his fins got
ripped off. How much are they paying these guys? No way it’s
enough. Unionize, unionize, unionize, boys. If you’re making less
than $10k a day, each, you’re getting ripped the fuck off.
Greg Long. I don’t even know what to say about the guy.
Remember when he was on the NSSA, riding strangely long boards,
surfing with his kind of funky style? I never understood how he
made heats, much less won a title in 2001. Giving up on that
garbage did the world a favor, turned him into one of the best
big-wave surfers who has ever lived. It’s time to change our bumper
stickers, when you want to play at crazy scream “Greg would
go!”
Like I said in the first installment, in my eyes Dorian won the
contest before it began. But Albee, Albee Layer, riding his tiny
little board and treating Pe’ahi the way John John treats overhead
Backdoor. Like there are no consequences, like this is just another
day.
Ski three gets flipped, driver’s okay, looks like his fins got
ripped off. How much are they paying these guys? No way it’s
enough. Unionize, unionize, unionize, boys. If you’re making less
than $10k a day, each, you’re getting ripped the fuck off.
Mark my words, Layer just redefined appropriate Big, capital b,
wave equipment. Double middle finger claim in the barrel, followed
by Tarzan chest thump, then straight-up robbery from the judges.
Because it wasn’t big enough? Because wave knowledge and
positioning counts for nothing?
Nope, because putting a number on performance in these
conditions is ridiculous. Impossible.
Wrong no matter what.
And who cares, anyway?
There’s always someone who pushes the limits of acceptable gear,
and at Pe’ahi, at this size, Layer just did it and that’s what’s
important. We’re gonna see boards get shorter, much shorter. We’re
gonna see barrels get deeper, much deeper.
Thank you, Albee. I doubt you’ll get the credit, but this guy
knows it was all you, today, changing the course of the future
because you’re the one who took the chance.
This is no different than the guys who showed “unsurfable” waves
could be towed into. No different than the heroes who refused the
ski and proved you could paddle. This is important, the
ramifications are far reaching, will be felt for a long fucking
time.
AND HERE COMES THE FINAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Albee Layer: I love you! You’re important. Renegotiate every
single contract you’ve signed.
Billy Kemper: Local killer! So many beatings, so much
ripping!
Gabriel Villaran: ¡Estoy tan feliz de un sudamericano hizo
la final!
Greg Long: Pure legend, pure commitment.
Ian Walsh: You’ve been at this level for so damn long I forgot
you’re younger than me.
Shane Dorian: Thank god you sucked at acting. If you’d been any
good you wouldn’t be here, today.
Three Maui boys in the final! Who’d’ve thunk it?
Pretty much everyone, right?
What is it about redneck aloha land that churns out so much
talent? How the fuck can someone throw huge airs and still charge
at an elite level?
Y’all are the surfers Laird always wanted to be.
Since there’s a break before the finals, I’m gonna crack a cold
one, or three, and try to figure out who decided that “BIG WAVE”
was the best thing to print on the back of the jerseys.
One more hour, then I get to head to the beach and see what I
missed while sitting on my ass watching other people surf.
The final’s started, no one’s caught anything yet, so let’s
reflect for a moment on how awesome the 21st century has
been for surfing.
Twenty years ago, when the magazines mattered, we’d have read of
this contest months after the fact. A short write-up, a handful of
cherry picked photos, wave face rendered flat by a long lens.
None of the immediacy, none of the passion. Just an
acknowledgment of something important that happened long after it
mattered.
Today set a high standard, one the WSL will have trouble
matching. Probably won’t, ever.
But that’s a problem for those looking to make a buck off the
men risking their lives. For you and me, man, what a day!
A day that looks like it’s heading toward anti-climax.
Oh no! It’s gone flat!
Or maybe not.
Layer takes a beating, Walsh gets murdered when the wind gets
under him, and Kemper slays it on the third.
That much speed, so much foam in the rail, pocket ride on a
beast. Holding that line on a board that thick, glassed so heavy
there ain’t no flex at all, is no mean feat. If the swell does what
it seems to be, that one may be the heat winner.
But here comes Albee. All his weight forward on that entry
rocker, slowing down, hand drag to pump the brakes even more. It’s
Albee, I’m calling it with thirty five minutes left. He’s not only
won this event, but established himself as something special.
But, nope, it’s Kemper in the lead.
And I can’t complain. Yeah, I’m all Albee, but I think I’m
creeping up on a man-crush, so I’m hardly impartial.
And these fucking guys, jeez Louise… WSL needs to pull a
PR coup, call ’em all winners, and peel off $25k a piece. Oh, man,
that’d sell well.
Think they’ll do it?
Dorian must be spent. I can’t believe any of the surfers have
the energy to remain upright, much less generate the power to
scratch into these bombs.
Is PK on Maui? I’d love to see a #TourNotes shot tomorrow, when
everyone is ruined, barely able to stand. A day like today takes a
heavy toll, post accomplishment depression grips the best of
us.
After the fact you stop thinking about what you’ve done, you
start worrying about what you’ll do next.
An aside: breathhold training is more or less nonsense.
I’m an overweight guy who smokes too much, my freedive trip is on
par with the best of these folks. It’s confidence that keeps you
alive, a belief in yourself, your ability, a familiarity with the
agony of carbon dioxide build-up. I get rattled on a twenty foot
hold down, swimming down past a hundred feet ain’t shit in
comparison. Save your money, those big wave training courses are
kind of a scam. Not in an evil way, it’s just damn hard earning a
living as a freedive instructor, can’t blame the dudes for grabbing
a buck where they can.
And it’s a win for Kemper!
Man tears, totally earned. I get it, I cry at the drop of a hat.
And I ain’t never accomplished nothing of consequence.
This is what the Big Wave World Tour is supposed to be.
Too bad today was magic, won’t happen again soon, if ever. The
notion is just as dumb today as it was when it was concieved.
And don’t think I’ll forget I wasn’t welcome. I hold on to that
type of shit.
