Buy: Chunk of Popular US Surf Mag!

Want to go to stiff parties and receive free tail pads in the mail?

I love that social media does 90% of my work for me. I don’t know how it worked backed in the day. I assume life was an exhausting series of phone calls and bro-sessions dedicated to chasing down stories.

Or maybe your day was spent sitting around waiting for sponsors to call and spoon feed you propaganda. I don’t know, the only real experience I have in publishing prior to the digital revolution was in the skate media, and that’s a whole different world.

But, if you’ve got a spare chunk of cash and would like to experience the hell that is trying to wring a profit from a dying medium, now is the time to buy in. According to my facebook feed, Skip Snead is looking to unload his 35% stake in Ghetto Juice.

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What is Ghetto Juice?

I’ll admit, it’s been a few years since I’ve seen a copy. But, assuming things haven’t changed, it’s a fun little ‘zine dedicated to the hellishly white coastal conservative stronghold that is Orange County, California. A new issue drops every month and a half, and their website claims a circulation 15,000 strong.

While I wouldn’t go running to mortgage your house for the capital, a sufficiently deep pocketed individual could have some fun with it. If you’ve got a few tens (maybe hundreds) of thousands of dollars floating around, and are keyed in to a good tax guy, I’m sure you could write off the loss each year and essentially turn it into a hobby that kind of pays for itself.

Whether that’s the actual print run, or the result of the mental gymnastics typical to circulation numbers (“We print 5,000 issues, but figure each one is seen by, I don’t know, three people?”) is anybody’s guess.

But there’s some upside potential to the investment.

Is it likely that a niche print ‘zine will ever catapult you to the heights of the surf industry? Probably not. But you can rest assured you’ll be drowning in free gear and spend your nights awash in a sea of industry party invites. Which is pretty cool, up until you actually get to meet a few of your heroes and realize they’re just normal, flawed, human beings.

Of course, consult that tax guy first, I’m no expert. I do know that my total inability to turn writing into a paying career keeps the missus and me from jumping into the next tax bracket, which is nice. And actually saves us more in taxes than I’m likely to earn in the few areas, outside of writing, for which I have any qualifications.

Which are waiting tables and selling surfboards. A kind of depressing realization, at thirty five years old. Talk about putting all your eggs in one basket.

This BeachGrit thing better pay off or I’m gonna be fifty, desperately trying to beat a drug test for an entry level job at the local grocery store, before I know it.

Kelly Slater wave pool
Kid creates Kelly Slater Wave Co Instagram account and hopes maybe he might get an invite to the pool. Uh, nope.

Blood Libel: Slater Wave Co v Child Pirate!

Kelly Slater takes on kid who steals Instagram handle… 

Two days ago, the surf world was, rightly, sent into raptures over Kelly Slater’s wave pool in Lemoore, California. All that ground mist and heavenly glow!

Did it make you sit erect in the saddle and take a deep breath?

Maybe you went searching for Kelly Slater Wave Co on Instagram so you could boil in the photos?

Yesterday, a BeachGrit reader sent the following story about a little surfer whose industry and, yeah, piracy, got him a personal hit from Kelly Slater.

Let’s examine.

“In short my best friend son while in Puerto Rico for family surf trip this past week hears about Kelly’s wave. Goes to Instagram to follow ‘Kelly Slater Wave Co’ Instagram feed representing the new endeavor.

 “I can only imagine the story goes like this!  Salty wet buckled up riding in the back seat after a very crowded session at Wilderness, and having to listen to 47’ish father play by play of every wave he didn’t get while riding his Tomo Vader.
“So what is a tech savvy grom suppose to do with all this down time between sessions. The little southern gentlemen decides he’s going to help Kelly&Co. start an Instagram account. ‘I got this who know’s maybe even get an invite to ride that wave.’
“Pulls a couple still clips from other sources on the web tap tap done. Car comes to screeching halt father mutters about new spot less crowded lets catch some waves before your mom starts texting us.
“Check’s new Instagram account 500 followers. This thing is going off. Teens are all about their follower numbers. Several online rags link to new Instagram account including Inertia. More followers! It grows to over 1000. This kid is feeling it. Right? Caribbean sun/air and blooming Instagram account! Life is fucking killer!
“An IG ghoul smells something…”
“Finally all good things come to an end. Kelly catches wind ‘Who are you guys? Who runs this account? Soon young grom blocked from his own creation with in a matter hours from Kelly’s question. Fired before he could shralp that new man made wonder!
…oh, and remember river surfing? The inspiration for Greg Webber’s pool? The cheapest way for everyday hacks like you and me to get some wave pool-esque jams? Let’s blast back into the past!



Which is Surfer and which The Inertia?

Blood Feud: Surfer vs. The Inertia!

Fists almost flew on the North Shore. Well, not fists probably but whatever.

It is the holiday season when families gather together in peaceful harmony and celebrate each other. Oh come all ye faithful, joyful and triumphant…


Those families happen to have the surname Surfer or The Inertia then it’s blood feud time, baby!

This story came to be by way of an employee who is no longer engaged and I will re-tell as I heard because it is just too good.

In December, when the surf world gathers on Oahu’s North Shore, Surfer and The Inertia gathered there too at the Turtle Bay Resort. Zach Weisberg, founder of The Inertia, was once an editor at Surfer and felt a little miffed at the way he was let go and with some still in the Surfer family. “They’re all kooks…” he told his charges as he buttoned up his fresh Hawaiian shirt. “Yeah kooks…” his main lieutenant responded as he also buttoned up his fresh Hawaiian shirt.

The Inertia crew then made their way to Turtle Bay’s ballroom for Surfer Poll. They were, in fact, all wearing Hawaiian shirts (true) and as they walked shoulder to shoulder the main lieutenant grabbed one of the new hires by the Hawaiian shirt collar and said, “See here, if anything goes down in there tonight with those Surfer kooks we need to know whose side your on.”

The new hire, as it happened, had many friends in the Surfer camp. He had grown up with some of them in Orange County and had worked with some of them also. But there ain’t no atheists in foxholes and there certainly ain’t no brotherly love in a blood feud so The Inertia lieutenant had to know who he could count on in there if things went pear shaped.

The new hire looked at him, laughed, and said, “No.”

Thankfully nothing did go pear shaped. The Inertia staff stayed in tight formation and so did the Surfer staff, eyeing each other but no limp-wristed slaps were dished.

Just think, though, if there had been a rumble at Turtle Bay! Just picture the look on Hawaiian faces if the staffs of Surfer and The Inertia had exploded into a full physical altercation!

It would have been the greatest day in surf history. Well, there’s always next year.


sexy cooking

How to: Be a Stud in the Kitchen!

Come learn from one of the best in the game… 

I’m hurt, again, and can’t go in the water, again, and if there’s one thing I’ve learned from the last few years of constant injury it’s that you really need to watch what you eat when you can’t exercise. I mean, I could jog or something, but that shit sucks. I’d rather just lay about and complain until my body is healed enough to do things that are fun.

Lucky for me, I’m a top notch cook. Not so lucky for me, the stuff I like to eat is terrible for you.

But not anymore. I recently learned from an internet article I skimmed but didn’t really understand, that potatoes don’t have any gluten in them. Which means they’re healthy, somehow. Great news, I can finally potato my way to that slim figure I so desperately crave.

I mean, I could jog or something, but that shit sucks. I’d rather just lay about and complain until my body is healed enough to do things that are fun. Lucky for me, I’m a top notch cook. Not so lucky for me, the stuff I like to eat is terrible for you.

I present “Rory’s Extra Healthy, Low Cal, No Carb, Gluten Free, non-GMO, Potato Pile with Saffron Gravy Heaven.”

Prep/cook time: 2 ½ hours

Serves: Theoretically, eight, if everyone is super polite and only takes a small portion. But it’s just me and the wife at home, and I made a plate for our landlady, and there were minimal leftovers.  So, realistically, three or four.

You will need:

1 stick of Butter

10 Saffron threads (It’s super cheap at Trader Joe’s so I had my dad mail me a ton of this shit a while back.)



1 teaspoon Garlic Chili Paste

3 tablespoons flour

Two cups heavy whipping cream

4-6 Yukon gold potatoes

2 medium sweet Onions

1 bulb garlic

A bunch of Swiss cheese- grated

Even more Cheddar/Jack/whatever-they-have-on-sale-at-the-market-that-you-like- grated

Slightly less smoked Gouda- grated


First things first. Slice up your onions and garlic, toss them in separate pans with a healthy dose of butter, cook at medium-high until they’re soft-ish. Add a little salt and pepper to the onions, but don’t over-do it. You’ll be using plenty more of both before you’re done.

When they’ve softened, but still retain a little crunch, pull the garlic and onions off the heat and set them aside.

Now grab the taters and slice ’em up too. You want each slice to be about 1/4” thick. But, if you’re like me and don’t own a mandoline, the thickness of the slices will be all over the place. No big deal. Set them aside for now.


Now the fun part, making the sauce. It’s basically gravy, and, I know, gravy isn’t usually healthy. But this gravy is both vegetarian and non-GMO, so it totally is.

And it’s organic too! Somehow.

Get a sauce pan up to low heat, then throw in your butter and saffron. As the butter melts use your spatula to crush the saffron threads. This will help give everything that beautiful saffron yellow color and make the dish fancy. You won’t be able to taste it, really, but who cares?

Saffron! Make it a point to tell people you used it, otherwise there’s really no point.

When the butter is nice and melted, add 1 teaspoon of salt, ¼ teaspoon pepper, and three tablespoons flour. Cook it all together on low heat until it’s a smooth slurry, free of lumps.

Now remove it from the heat and let the pan cool for a few minutes, Then pour in two cups of heavy whipping cream, and add a teaspoon of garlic chili paste. Return it to the stove, raise the heat to medium, and bring it to a low boil while stirring continuously.

Don’t stop stirring! If you do the flour will separate and it’ll be gross as fuck.

When it reaches a low boil, and it looks like the flour is mixed in, remove from heat. It’ll thicken and develop a skin as it cools. That doesn’t matter at all.

After it’s cooled a bit, make sure no one is watching, then eat a couple spoonfuls.


Now take out the cast iron dutch oven that I know you already own (if not, go buy one! Most useful pan/pot/je ne sais quoi in existence) and grease the fuck out of it with whatever oil you have at hand.

Put a layer of sliced potatoes on the bottom of the dutch oven, salt and pepper to taste, then add some of those onions and garlic from earlier. Ladle on four or five good heaping tablespoons of your ever-so-healthful veggie gravy, then plop an assortment of your cheeses on top of that (go easy on the smoked Gouda. Too much will overpower everything else). Put another layer of potatoes completely covering the first, and repeat the spices/onion/garlic/gravy/cheese until you’re out of ingredients. You should be at four or five layers.

To be honest, it really doesn’t matter what order you add the ingredients, until the last layer. Cheese goes on last, it needs to be on top to create the awesome cheese skin we’re looking for.


Preheat the oven to 350 degrees (177 for the rest of the world, according to Google), and bake the dish, covered, for approximately 90 minutes. You’ll know it’s done when a fork slides easily through to the bottom.

When the potatoes are cooked through, raise the heat to broil, remove the lid, and let it cook for another five minutes or so. Until the top layer of cheese is a nice brown, and chewy crispy.

Remove from oven and let sit for ten minutes. Don’t get super high while you cook and immediately eat a giant forkful, the cheese will stick to the roof of your mouth and burn the hell out of you.

And, remember, that cast iron retains heat for fucking forever, so definitely don’t get super high and then grab the lid bare handed ten minutes after you’ve taken it out of the oven.


Rapture: world’s slickest surf shop!

Designer wetsuits, package-free accessories, rows of monochromatic surfboards… 

The surfboard shaper Hayden Cox and his new wife Danielle are a comely couple. Hayden is model handsome with a boyish face and when he smiles revealed are rows of gigantic snowy perfect teeth.

Danielle’s rock-star blonde hair is piled into an exquisite nest (I make a note in my pad that says “celestial radiance of her profile”) and in her Balmain leather boots she hits a little over six feet.

The pair, she, a marketing whiz, he, the designer of the most successful surfboard model of all time, the Hyptpo Krypto, enter the luxury surf shop and HaydenShapes HQ they just bankrolled.

“Well…what do you think?” Danielle asks.

Oh, reader, if I had the writerly muscle to do the joint justice. I’ll attempt a sketch.

You are in an industrial area on Sydney’s northern beaches, near the Australian outlet for Channel Islands, among boat and furniture factories, fast-food takeaways and a shopping centre that presents as a giant brown-brick cube. This isn’t Saturdays in SoHo or General Admission in Venice or Korea’s Surf Code.  Where it is ain’t glamorous. But let’s walk through the door.

The ravages of hipster cliché are a mile away here. There’s no wood. There’s no pendant lighting. Nothing vintage. No motorcycles or coffee machines. Nothing that screams the buzzword “authentic!”

Instead, it’s wall-to-wall polished concrete with an asymmetrical counter of fabricated concrete shadowed by a large screen built into the wall showing black-and-white surf films of empty waves and occasionally Craig Anderson. Surfboards of matte and polished black, and white, hang from bespoke clothing racks.


Deck pads in either black or white from Astrodeck, Octopus and Modom are relieved of their packaging and are displayed on different sized blocks of concrete.

There is a row of Saturdays Surf clothing and accessories, some Bassike and fins and wetsuit cleaner and so forth by HaydenShapes.

What steals my eye, apart from a semi-secret surfboard model that is the logical progression of the Hypto Krypto, is a small rack with wetsuits designed by Danielle. All made from three mm-thick Japanese Yamamoto rubber, with a fine internal lining.


You want to order a board?

Swing on over to the bespoke wood and leather couches and grab a Galaxy tablet. Hayden has developed a beautiful piece of design software called HSSTUDiO.

In real time, you can design your board, complete with 3-D movable pictures. Every time you tweak a dimension, your volume changes. Add a spray and it appears. Pinch and pull the surfboard image to investigate its curves from whatever angle.

When y’done, press buy and it goes straight to the counter.


If you’re tyre-kicking, strap on the VR goggles and take a tour of HS’ factory. See a board shaped. See a board glassed.

“You are in my design space with me among the dust, resin and tools,” says Hayden.

It’s a wild enough experience, a reminder, that for all the slickness and curvaceousness that surrounds, this is a surfboard shop.

About the store Hayden says: “I love the idea of being progressive and pushing the industry to evolve,” he says. “We wanted to do this differently to what people have seen before.”