Those steps! Do you think you could survive
Shipsterns hot little mouth?
I like to think that I’m a pretty brave guy,
when it comes to the ocean. I’ve spent my entire life playing in
it, I can hold my breath for a long time, and I’ve dealt with
enough surf-related injuries to know that while I may get hurt, and
badly, I’m probably not going to die.
Then shit like this video comes along and reminds me that, in
the grand scheme of things, I’m a total pussy.
Yeah, I’ve surfed some big waves, by normal kook standards. But
guys nowadays… it’s like they’re having a contest to see how much
punishment the human body can withstand.
Like, did you see Will Skudin’s paddle in at Nazare? What the
fuck? Did he really think he’d be able to punch through the
back?
Want gorgeous empty waves? Capitalize on world
Islamophobia and score!
The Eiffel Tour stood powerfully in view from
my Airbnb. It was lit in the Tricolour of blue, white, and red
because terrorists had just fired assault rifles into and blew up
130 people for living free. Drinking if they wanted to, rocking and
rolling if they wanted to. The Parisian motto Fluctuat nec
mergitur that was illuminated beneath translates fittingly to,
“She is tossed by the waves, but not sunk.” The attack
happened three days earlier yet sirens still pierced the night.
Residents not living by #JeSuisEnTerrasse contemplated never going
out into public again. The city was in shock. All my friends in
Paris knew victims. My current flat mate – infamous trouble magnet
Chris Binns – had been trying to get us tickets for that fateful
Bataclan concert. For no reason in particular I instead flew to
Berlin hours before to do a strike Berghain dawn patrol. It was one
of those decisions you don’t give much weight to that by chance
saved us from the guns of jihadist militants.
Before it got morbid, we began this journey in Paris alongside
Surf Europe’s gem-of-a-bloke Paul Evans to attend the
View From A Blue Moon premiere. After scattering Binnsie
and I were now reunited in the City of Lights trying to make sense
of the close call. When faced to stand before the mirror of life
what can you do except keep living? No point in questioning it.
Although rattled by the randomness of fate the reality was that
nothing had actually happened to us. That didn’t stop
The Sydney Herald from writing about
what almost was. Riveting Aussie non-news.
We had to get out of Paris. Belgium was under siege and there
was still talk of closing the French borders. Confusion was in the
air and there was swell on the way. Decisions had to be made. Being
in Europe everywhere is a stones throw away. That’s true anywhere,
but especially advantageous in central Europe. Binnsie had his own
demons to deal with having just survived a serious head-on
collision in the South of France days prior to almost attending the
slaughter. His second home of Bali was now on the agenda and a
session with a Shaman would be his first appointment. I’d narrowed
my choices down to the familiar – Hossegor – or the more exotic –
Morocco. The decision was simple; as I’d now be travelling alone…
take the unknown every time! A flight into Casablanca was booked
that departed in 8-hours. Enough time to pack my Rimowa, sleep a
few hours, and sip an espresso avec croissant sur la terrasse.
The North African country of Morocco is 99% Muslim. Who, for
fear mongering racists, are on the shit list right now. Any man
pairing a beard with Islamic clothing or woman in hijab risks being
mistaken for a radical in certain parts of the world. It’s
dangerous thinking to lump a small percentage of wacko terrorists
to an entire religion. Trump is making headlines for making
Hitler-esque claims and continuing his transition to demagogue. The
entire situation only seems to be escalating. Shockingly the
further he infuriates the rest of the world the stronger his
polling gets and the more guns American’s stockpile. It is indeed a
strange land.
Thankfully I don’t think like that as I was the only tourist
boarding a full flight to Mohammed V Airport from Charles de
Gaulle. Much of the tourism to Muslim countries has dropped off
since the attacks. Security was increased, but barring Moroccan’s
differing outlook on personal space it was a smooth flight. They
even clap when the plane lands like in the old days. So cute!
When bouncing around Europe without an itinerary it’s a blessing
to travel “carry-on only” light and leave the board coffin at home,
but bring everything else. Having a wetsuit, fins, and a leash
assures easy access to anyone’s leftovers. In 14 days of mostly
hedonistic behavior around Europe I visited 9 major cities in 4
countries. Only one of which was surfed in. Board fees and coffin
stress would have been astronomical.
Casablanca sounds like the sexiest place. This is a lie. It’s
hard to find a drink and there are too many men everywhere. A mean
tajine can be found in the right restaurant though and the Hannan
II Mosque is a structure of beauty. The final destination was the
wave rich coastal city of Agadir, so I hopped on the first train to
Marrakech which lay somewhere in the middle. The intention was a
quick breeze through the market there before continuing on, but I
was forced to get a hotel near (not in) the prestigious La Mamounia
as terror threats meant no short-term luggage storage anywhere. The
night was spent in the madness that is the medina and Jemaa-el
Fnaa. There were monkeys and snake charmers and mint tea and dates
and magicians and thieves and no tourists because they were all
scared of Muslims. I was Indiana Jones!
Upon leaving my petit taxi was hit by another, which happens
often here. For a population of mostly sober people they drive like
absolute maniacs and commonly kill one another. Once in Agadir I
rented a car and was now in control of navigating around these
psychos. A murdered out Benz passed me doing no less than 170 km/hr
on my way north to the dry surf town of Taghazout. I would later
have to grease a cop for doing 65 in a 60. Typical gringo tax.
My home was now Sunshine Surf Morocco headed up by the legendary
Reda. He’s a killer local surfer that knows all the spots and when
the slabs get psycho he pulls out the sponge. Sometimes he flies
around the world competing in world championships. Be nice to the
boogies because they might save your life one day. There’s more to
this region than the Sipping Jetstreams spots and Dane’s
cover. Reda made sure we were on them. The first morning we surfed
an epic little beachy when a massive caravan of camels strolled
through. “That’s a million dollars worth of camel,” informed Reda.
Who knew those humped creatures fetched such a sum?
Over the course of the swell we surfed constantly on every type
of wave, spear fished our dinner, drank local beers, and OD’d on
couscous. The locals are a passionate bunch: overly conservative
while changing into wetsuits (so cute!), but aggressive enough to
get a massive desalination plant development shutdown that
threatened the future of their most iconic wave.
While exploring the Muslim culture there was never a moment of
intimidation or fear. I propose that anyone unwilling to open their
borders or hearts to those of a different background should book a
flight into Morocco – solo and preferably unarmed – to absorb the
culture, and gaze upon their perfect waves… but not be allowed to
surf them.
"I want to be motivated by doing things the way I
want 'em to be done," says Craig.
Craig Anderson is one of the the most alluring and
memorable characters in surf of the last twenty-five
years. His extravagant surfing, his brushes with movie star-style
fame. (Last February, I watched as a Jew supplicated himself before
Craig at the Wailing Wall in Jerusalem; the day before at the Jaffa
Gate, American girls had swooned as Craig roared past on a Segway,
your reporter in the hottest pursuit!), his dazzling movie roles in
Kai Neville’s films as well as his own Dane Reynolds-produced film,
Slow Dance.
In November, it was reported, here, that Craig was trying to climb
out of his freshly signed $500,000 contract with the bankrupt
company Quiksilver (whom he’d been with since he was 10), joining
his best friend and creative partner Dane Reynolds, who’d torn up a
$4,000,000-a-year deal with the same company. Read about that,
here and here.
And, now, a new film, a new label?
Let’s examine the film, called Welcome Elsewhere,
first. It is 12 minutes long and it’ll be loosed online on January
12.
I called Craig at his home in Newcastle, Australia, to
discuss. His telephone would pop and fizz and disappear for seconds
at a time, often in the most crucial part of the conversation, the
gaps filled by the noise of me nervously clinking the ice in my
Christmas brandy.
This is what Craig said:
“January 12 seemed an appropriate day to drop an edit. I’d
been working on it for a few months, then I ended up parting ways
with Quiksilver so January 12 seemed a good enough day for a fresh
start. I always have trouble with letting things go and letting ‘em
out into the internet space.”
This is the first time you’ll have seen Craig since Kai
Neville’s Cluster (Craig’s section was Kai’s favourite)
and the year before’s Slow Dance. It culminates in that now
very-famous sequence at Kanduis, in the Mentawai islands.
“I finished Cluster at the start of this year and I didn’t
feel like filming for a couple of months. Then I went to G-Land for
(Newcastle legend and Grajagan pioneer) Peter McCabe’s sixtieth
birthday. I was gonna go home and then I saw that Indian Ocean blob
and I got Kai Neville to come and film.”
Is there a narrative to Welcome Elsewhere or is it a
compilation of random clips?
“Just a bunch of clips. Just a fucking 12-minute surf
film.”
Welcome Elsewhere has already premiered in Brazil at the
Mimpi surf skate film festival, in Porto
Alegre and Rio de Janeiro. But I’m guessing you missed that.
It was amazing to ride for Quiksilver, they were lenient with
me and let me do what I wanted to do, but the emotional connection
has been lost a little, with Kelly leaving and so on. I look
at Quik in the eighties and nineties, the team, the soul of the
company, it was what I wanted to be a part of . All the product,
everything, was super amazing. Nowadays, in my opinion, the soul
isn’t there. So we want to start something that’s true to us,
with products we believe in. To be motivated to do fun, cool
shit.
And, so, in two weeks, you’ll find it on Craig Anderson’s
personal Vimeo account, perhaps guided there by the embeded file in
aggregative surf websites.
“I’ve never put anything out on my Vimeo account before, never
on my own back. I’ve only ever worked on bigger projects with Dane
and Slow Dance and Kai and all his films, now it was time.
Even though this was edited by Kai and filmed by a bunch of
different guys, I’m going to rev up my Vimeo and hopefully drop
clips every six or 12 months.”
And the clothing label? Maybe with Dane Reynolds?
“…oh…that…”
Yeah…
“There’s not that much movement. It’s an annoying time to try
and start something. Everyone’s off holidaying. I want to start
fresh, get the wheels…”
Secrets are exciting, don’t you think?
“Yes they are, they build anticipation. But I was going to
say, everything’s still early days. Stab did that piece
that was… a sort of rumour mill, but there was a little bit of
truth to it. (Dane) Reynolds is the driving force, the CEO-type
behind the brand. We’re going to wait and do a nice release. Keep
some shit on lock.”
Will you be US or Australia based?
“Oh shit, don’t write too much. Keep it to the edit. We’ll
come to you first.”
Why start a label?
“I just feel like that at my point in my career, I want to be
motivated by doing things the way I want ’em to be done, as we as
friends want to do it. It was amazing to ride for Quiksilver, they
were lenient with me and let me do what I wanted to do, but the
emotional connection has been lost a little, with Kelly leaving and
so on. I look at Quik in the eighties and nineties, the team,
the soul of the company, it was what I wanted to be a part of . All
the product, everything, was super amazing. Nowadays, in my
opinion, the soul isn’t there. So we want to start something
that’s true to us, with products we believe in. To be motivated to
do fun, cool shit.”
Are you worried about not get a regular cheque? Or are you
carefree, weightless?
I feel like everyone was telling me not to take the leap of
faith, but how could you not with the people involved and the idea
behind it all? I mean, who gives a fuck? You only get one shot at
this career.
“Totally! I feel like everyone was telling me not to take
the leap of faith, but how could you not with the people involved
and the idea behind it all? I mean, who gives a fuck? You only get
one shot at this career. I wanna look back when I’m forty and be
proud of what I’ve done in the industry. I want to take a
chance…”
Tell me about your relationship with Dane Reynolds.
“He’s like my big brother. I’ve got a lot of people around me
that I look up to. I’ve got a lot of people I’m close to who I
think are amazingly creative and talented and Dane’s one of those
guys. We’re both seventh of September Virgos. It’s an interesting
dynamic. He helps me and he supports me with everything. I’m bad at
making decisions, he speeds that up. We’ve never got into an
argument and we’ve always been able to see eye to eye. There’s no
agonising between us. Only a mutual respect.”
Oh but let's just please go out for drinks
instead!
A good blood feud sizzles. The aggrieved
parties stand across a ballroom from each other, Hawaiian shirts
unbuttoned one extra button, ready to dance (Surfer vs. The Intertia) or
across an ocean smashing their thumbs into social media
accounts/freestyle rapping (Jay Alvarrez vs. Ethan Carlson).
This here ain’t one of those and I will use this bully pulpit to
try and end it, bringing peace to our surf world once again. But
first, let me catch you up. Peter Schroff is an iconic southern
California surfboard shaper/artist from the 1980s. I have never met
the man but remember another iconic Peter, Taras this time, showing
me Schroff Surfboard advertisements in old issues of
Surfing magazine. They soared! Black and white, edgy,
funny, amazing. The logos were better than I had ever seen in surf.
I couldn’t believe, in fact, that I had never seen before and
I also couldn’t believe that no one was re-creating that look
today.
Schroff had disappeared, I was told, and doing other things
outside of surf. But then in 2010 he came back and his boards still
look like works of absolute art and his graphic design is very very
on point.
Hayden Cox is a very handsome young man and sits atop a nouveau
surf empire. Hypto-Krypto, baby. Craig Anderson rides his boards
and they are not just boards but technological patented things.
Hayden also has a fine eye for design.
Now. Schroff claims Hayden uses one of his logos for his new
wetsuit line and Schroff is very very very angry, filling his
entire Instagram account with daggers/hashtags aimed at the young
man.
He criticizes Hayden for the artistic theft, sometimes poking
fun (like drawing the Apple logo and the Nike swoosh and saying
that he came up with new ideas for the line) sometimes angry,
sometimes honest, telling one of his followers, “We cud give a
flying horse shit if someone used it in another field than the surf
industry, sweetheart, in fact Photo Impact studios used it in the
80s and we had no issues. All HS have to do is stop using,
apologize & carry on. We only slam folks that ask for it, we got
better things to do.” Before jumping on a “made in China”
screed.
Hayden, for his part, has taken the dignified path,
refusing to respond.
And, gentlemen, if I may…
Crusty, low level, hashtag rage is unbecoming dear Peter! It
belies a bitterness that we have all seen on our grandparents and
thought, “Yuck! Never me!” But somehow most old people slip into it
like comfort shoes. I’m not saying you are bitter I’m
saying you look bitter and sometimes looking bitter is
worse.
Quietly pretending there is no issue is unnecessary dear Hayden!
Your wetsuit logo, which, let’s concede, is more a graphic than a
logo for it is a limited-run of suits not necessarily created to
make buckets of money, does appear similar to Schroff’s design even
though you could be (and are!) forgiven for thinking horizontal
lines are probably not patented.
Look at the sunglass label Sabre. They too like lines!
But please, please don’t just change it and carry on. Use this
opportunity to do a collab maybe with Peter. Dig further into his
archive, make something together! I’m telling you, there is gold in
them hills!
Let’s all three of us go out and get some drinks! The first
three rounds are on me! Let’s laugh and toast a brave new future!
Let’s all let it go, let it go! We can’t hold it back anymore!
Oh! And here’s stripes from 1915! A very early Schroff
piece?
Did we just live through the most tedious year,
ever, on tour?
There were two stories I spent most of 2015 waiting to
write. The first, Brazilian Storm Downgraded to
Drizzle, was mainly based on the fact that I think that’s a
clever title, and I honestly thought that they’d falter and drop
the ball mid-season.
But in the end Brazil ended up with more top ten surfers than
any other country, and variations on the title don’t really work.
Brazilian Storm Upgraded to Hurricane sucks.
For those of you who don’t know much about professional
baseball, and I’m assuming that’s the majority of our readers, the
period from 1900 until 1919 is known as the dead-ball
era. The near twenty year span was marked by low
scoring games, a heavy emphasis placed on stolen bases and
hit-and-run strategy. The then-rules, combined with equipment
limitations, encouraged a slow and steady approach, chipping away
to victory.
At first glance, surfing and baseball have almost nothing in
common.
Surfing, as an activity, excels when removed from a competitive
framework. You may see flashes of brilliance during a heat, but the
very best performances, without exception, spring from free surf
sessions. Baseball, on the other hand, doesn’t exist outside of the
competitive arena. Without an opposing team you’re just playing
catch, or swinging away at the batting cages. Fun? Maybe, but not
baseball.
However, they’re very similar in that they are long, often
tedious, affairs, and to all but the most devoted fans are best
delivered in the form of fifteen minute long post event wrap-ups.
Waiting, waiting, waiting, a few seconds of action, more waiting,
waiting, waiting.
Boring stuff, by and large.
Not that it matters to competitors. Those that win know that
there’s only one thing to worry about, winning. Dead-ball
era players knew their near unhittable spitballs and
bunt-and-runs were awful for spectators, but that was for
management to worry about. The coaches and players were obligated
to always strive for victory, and intelligent strategy forced a
certain approach. Rules are rules, once the teams had an effective
strategy dialed they had absolutely no incentive to change. Empty
platitudes aside, it’s only about having fun when you’re an
amateur.
The top two surfers on the tour, De Souza and Fanning, figured
out the rules, knew what it took to win. Unfortunately for us, the
viewers, what it took to win was technically perfect, totally
uninspired surfing. Outside of a heat I think it’s an easy
statement to claim that Fanning is the superior wave slider, but
once the horn sounds they step into the same role. Link the turns
together, don’t fall, bonk it at the end. Tens may win heats, but
consistent sevens win titles.
Which brings us to the end of 2015, the year that
dead-ball came to surfing.
The top two surfers on the tour, De Souza and Fanning, figured
out the rules, knew what it took to win. Unfortunately for us, the
viewers, what it took to win was technically perfect, totally
uninspired surfing. Outside of a heat I think it’s an easy
statement to claim that Fanning is the superior wave slider, but
once the horn sounds they step into the same role. Link the turns
together, don’t fall, bonk it at the end. Tens may win heats, but
consistent sevens win titles.
Interestingly, if not surprising, though DeSouza finished in
first, he has the lowest average heat total of ‘CT top five.
Despite hype, the year is a grind, and ADS had the best mill stone
around. Combined with his stereotypically Brazilian gamesmanship it
should have come as no surprise when he landed on top of the
podium.
Fanning looks like what he is, a world class surfer, arguably
one of the greatest of all time, approaching the end of his career.
He can’t play the high performance game at the same level as the
young ‘uns. What 34 year old could (not counting Slater)? So he
takes the same tack as De Souza, albeit one that’s stylistically
better. Link your turns, keep the board in the water. Surf to win,
not to impress.
An experienced surfer understands how difficult it is to surf
like ADS and Fanning. Surfing well, and not falling, is insanely
difficult. More difficult, without a doubt, than hucking huge hail
mary airs and hoping for the best. But it just isn’t engaging.
As a fan of professional competitive surfing (which I most
definitely am, constant WSL criticism notwithstanding), I’d much
rather see John John do two amazing turns and fall on the end
section than watch either of this year’s top two whack the lip
twice and toss a floater for the score.
Dead-ball baseball came to an end with a series of rule
changes (such as outlawing spitballs and counting the first two
foul balls as strikes), equipment changes (corked center balls
which were replaced more frequently) and a reactionary adjustment
to tactics. Stadium dimensions were changed, and power hitters,
beginning with Babe Ruth, started hammering balls out of the park.
Scores were higher, the game became more exciting.
Unfortunately, surfing isn’t so easy. The equipment is great,
hard to imagine better. The venue is a constantly changing
nightmare. It’s impossible to be provide truly objective scoring
without reducing the sport to a figure skating style ritualized
dance.
But, still, adjustments can be made. It’s easy to cast judgment,
but to do so without offering an alternative is straight up weak
shit.
Fuck objectivity. Judges should score based on what
they, personally, view as superior surfing. Certain judges will
reward certain surfers, but the beauty of averaging scores should
smooth out any edges.
Isolate the judges. Noise canceling head phones, a
separate feed for each to watch, a partition between them. Easy
stuff to implement.
Identify the judges. I understand a reluctance to name
people, it’s 2015 and the internet is a mercurial bitch. Simply
assign each judge a number, report each number’s score, allow
viewers a chance to track said scores over the course of the
year.
Fire the entire judging staff, hire some fresh faces.
While internet conspiracy theories are fun, I don’t believe there
is any actual collusion. However, weird shit goes down, sometimes,
and surfing isn’t great at holding people accountable. Like back in
’93, when Renato Hickel, current Tour Manager, served as head judge
while dating Lisa Andersen on the side. A gross conflict of
interest, one which should have seen him drummed out of the
sport.