A shorebreak tube to rival Bruce Irons' 2004 Waimea
gem!
The shorebreak is most undervalued in our
surf-centric universe. It is something to punch through on the way
to proper waves. It is something to hitch a ride on when the
session is over. Some boogies and Jamie O’Brien, of course, find
joy in the demolishing, neck-breaking Waimea shorepound but that is
the only one I know of that even has a name.
Do you ever have fun in the shorbreak? Do you ever take a rest
from your out-the-back surfing and loll around in the knee deep
regions? Well Victoria’s Secret model Josephine Skriver does! Watch
her here in St. Barths. She got sandy being sexy and had to wash it
off and then got very barreled!
Does this win Wave of the Winter™? Was it better than Bruce
Irons’ 100 point ride?
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Filipe Toledo flogged Bruce Irons with soul based,
brute machismo, round two, Billabong Pipeline Masters. | Photo:
WSL
Pipe: Title Contenders’ Suckling
Artistry!
By Derek Rielly
Even Kelly Slater restores his crippled season on
day two, Pipeline Masters…
Were your hands as gluey as mine this morning?
There were so many round two scenarios to consider, that even in
the grey fingers of a North Shore dawn, the air was pregnant with
tension.
Three title contenders faced sudden elimination.
An 11-time champ was on his last roll to emboss an ugly
season.
Stumbling, low-rated surfers would attempt to squeeze a little
last-minute dignity or, god willing, maybe even re-qualify.
Let’s snapshot.
First, Filipe Toledo whiplashed Bruce Irons with typically
Brazilian derring-do. Did you see that coming, fourteen points to
five? There’s nothing monotone about the
maybe-soon-to-be-world-champ Filipe’s oily crouching and weaving.
Memories of zero-point heat totals quickly fade when you entertain
like Filipe.
Adriano’s blood pressure problem is getting better now that he
twitched past the 17-year-old Pipe Invitational winner Jack
Robinson. Did you know Adriano is staying at Jamie O’Brien’s house
and that Jamie will surf against the title fav Mick Fanning in
round three?
“He opened his house to me a few years back to practice at Pipe
and I can’t thank him enough,” De Souza said. “He understands I
want it so much and it was so big for me and my career. I really
hope I can win this. I don’t have a big sponsor like Quiksilver or
Billabong that have houses out here, I just have a national brand
so I went to Jamie and just said you’re the man, if I can’t stay
here I’ll sleep at your door because I want to surf every day here.
I have so much respect for the locals out here and just want to
spend as much time in the water as I can.”
Do you love Adriano even more now?
Julian Wilson blew past Haleiwa contest winner and wildcard Wade
Carmichael without giving up too much of his sugar.
And Kelly! So last minute against Dusty Payne! Watch Kelly get
the score and Dusty, who is now off the tour again, twist his face
into a cretinous sneering monster. As if you wouldn’t be instantly
transformed.
And Jordy, he was so priceless he makes life worth living.
Did you hang around for the women’s invitational? Carissa dug up
the beans! I felt, maybe you did too, a rush of happiness watching
Carissa belt down the front door.
Meanwhile, the surf is slowly disappearing. New swell middle of
next week.
Who will fall under the dark curtain of oblivion?
Is it Adriano’s destiny to be the champ, 2016?
Will Jamie O, the fleshy but not fat Hawaiian, grope the past
and snatch a second Pipe Masters, 11 years after the first?
BILLABONG PIPE MASTERS ROUND 2 RESULTS:
Heat 1: Filipe Toledo (BRA) 14.23 def. Bruce Irons (HAW)
5.07 Heat 2: Taj Burrow (AUS) 13.77 def. Brett Simpson (USA)
11.20 Heat 3: Adriano De Souza (BRA) 13.10 def. Jack Robinson (AUS)
12.50
Heat 4: Adam Melling (AUS) 15.50 def. Matt Wilkinson (AUS)
4.46 Heat 5: Julian Wilson (AUS) 12.83 def. Wade Carmichael
(AUS) 6.00 Heat 6: Adrian Buchan (AUS) 13.17 def. Miguel Pupo (BRA)
12.50 Heat 7: Kelly Slater (USA) 15.57 def. Dusty Payne (HAW)
14.93
Heat 8: Sebastian Zietz (HAW) 10.50 def. Jadson Andre (BRA)
6.74
Heat 9: Glenn Hall (IRL) 8.60 def. Nat Young (USA) 7.80 Heat 10:
Keanu Asing (HAW) 10.33 def. Kolohe Andino (USA) 4.90
Heat 11: Joel Parkinson (AUS) 13.93 def. Ricardo Christie (NZL)
5.43 Heat 12: Jordy Smith (ZAF) 16.00 def. Wiggolly Dantas (BRA)
4.87
BILLABONG PIPE MASTERS ROUND 3 MATCH-UPS:
Heat 1: Gabriel Medina (BRA) vs. Jordy Smith (ZAF) Heat 2: Bede
Durbidge (AUS) vs. Keanu Asing (HAW) Heat 3: Italo Ferreira (BRA)
vs. C.J. Hobgood (USA) Heat 4: Kelly Slater (USA) vs. Michel Bourez
(PYF) Heat 5: Mick Fanning (AUS) vs. Jamie O’Brien (HAW) Heat
6: John John Florence (HAW) vs. Taj Burrow (AUS) Heat 7: Filipe
Toledo (BRA) vs. Mason Ho (HAW) Heat 8: Joel Parkinson (AUS) vs.
Kai Otton (AUS) Heat 9: Jeremy Flores (FRA) vs. Sebastian Zeitz
(HAW) Heat 10: Julian Wilson (AUS) vs. Adam Melling (AUS) Heat 11:
Josh Kerr (AUS) vs. Adrian Buchan (AUS) Heat 12: Adriano De Souza
(BRA) vs. Glenn Hall (IRL)
WOMEN’S PIPE INVITATIONAL FINAL RESULTS:
1- Carissa Moore (HAW) 18.96
2- Courtney Conlogue (USA) 10.50
3- Keala Kennelly (HAW) 9.23
4- Tatiana Weston-Webb (HAW) 4.84
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Confession: I’m cheering for ADS!
By Chas Smith
An Adriano de Souza championship could unite the
world!
Pipeline is giving ‘er hell on day three of
competition. It is not as big as day one, the trials, or day two,
the Fall of Kelly, but it is very clean and looks fun. The
commentators are talking lots about how You Can’t Script This™ and
Only a Surfer Knows the Feeling™ and I Bought My Wedding Ring from
a Surf Shop™ etc. because all the contenders are still in the
running because Nobody Loses in Round One™ or Round Four™.
Filipe marched through his round two heat this morning, Mick
Fanning moved directly to round three. Julian Wilson has an
unseasoned Wade Carmichael in heat five and Brett Simpson is back
to the World Qualifying Series.
There are many scenarios, still, but if I am really going to
look in the mirror and be honest with myself, I must say, “I’m an
Adriano de Souza man!” The little bee slaves away in all waves
while people at home say he has a “poo stance™.” But he closes his
ears to their caws, shows up to work and does work. He is the
professional surfer construction workers from New Jersey can
get behind (plus he wears a delightful gold chain over his hairy
chest in WSL profile pic). He is a people’s champ.
He just dismissed the young Jack Robinson and did you watch him
sit on him toward the end. He wants this title more than all!
And don’t you want a people’s champ to hold the trophy this
year? Our world is very fractured. The 1% fights the 99%. Islamic
radicals fight good-livin’ folk. Donald Trump fights Mexicans and
Muslims and handicapped people. An ADS championship could unite us
all. Don’t you want that? Don’t you wish for world peace?
P.S. I’m only cheering for world peace if Julian Wilson cannot
miraculously win. If J-Dub does it than I am all for divisiveness
and golden boy smiles!
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The wildcard Bruce Irons was under terrific scrutiny at
the Pipeline Masters: In Memory of Andy Irons. But he returned with
a thunderous whack! Second to Mick, sure, but real close. | Photo:
WSL
Pipe: Bruce, Jamie, CJ are plumed
serpents!
By Derek Rielly
And Kelly accelerates towards worst season ever!
Day one, Pipeline Masters.
What an event of passing contradictions the Pipe Masters
is. A quick glance at the six-to-eight-foot hissing waves
would’ve suggested nothing but blue tubes with sunbursts dancing
over it all, the very best surfers riding ‘em to oblivion.
Tens and tens.
But the famous Pipe ain’t like that. It’s in the middle of the
Pacific, for one. All that bellowing of rip and wind.
“I don’t want to be cruel but it’s extremely tough out there,”
said the commentator Ross Williams.
And so we must examine these contradictions of a wave so
perfect, yet so raw.
Where else might a retiring athlete well into his third decade
emerge with the fluid power of a tiger from nowhere and collect a
perfect score?
But where else, in the very same event, might a two-point,
two-wave total ensure an easy win, as Bede Durbidge discovered in
round one against Adam Melling and Wiggly Dantas? The worst heat
ever in competition!
The heaviest wave in the world, as some call it, with a perfect
air wedge? John John just humps the joint.
Bruce Irons’ social media campaign to get into the
event thrilled plenty, disappointed a couple, when he got a
start in the contest as a wildcard.
And yet his performance, the third-highest heat total of round
one, and vigorous enough to suggest he ain’t spent, wasn’t enough
to blow past the unnatural white brilliance of Mick Fanning.
With those ping-pong ball eyes bulging on either side of his
face, Filipe Toledo almost disintegrated BeachGrit’s #1
pick Jamie O’Brien. That last-second insider just about did the
trick but judges are consistent, if anything, and an insider ain’t
gonna get you shit.
Kolohe Andino, meanwhile, nearly belted through to round three
with a one-wave total.
Kelly Slater continued his trajectory toward his worst year in
22 seasons, possibly spinning out of the top ten. He has the energy
of a 20 year year old and he gleams with enthusiasm… such a
joy of living!… but it don’t mean a rideable wave is going to
appear in front of you.
Who knew he could be so vulnerable?
BILLABONG PIPE MASTERS ROUND 1 RESULTS:
Heat 1: Italo Ferreira (BRA) 14.26, Adrian Buchan (AUS) 9.33,
Glenn Hall (IRL) 1.70
Heat 2: Mason Ho (HAW) 6.17, Jadson Andre (BRA) 5.70, Dusty
Payne (HAW) 1.70
Heat 3: Gabriel Medina (BRA) 12.60, Keanu Asing (HAW) 7.84, Wade
Carmichael (AUS) 3.73
Heat 4: Michel Bourez (PYF) 9.33, Adriano De Souza (BRA) 7.23, Jack
Robinson (AUS) 5.06
Heat 1: Filipe Toledo (BRA) vs. Bruce Irons (HAW)
Heat 2: Taj Burrow (AUS) vs. Brett Simpson (USA)
Heat 3: Adriano De Souza (BRA) vs. Jack Robinson (AUS)
Heat 4: Matt Wilkinson (AUS) vs. Adam Melling (AUS)
Heat 5: Julian Wilson (AUS) vs. Wade Carmichael (AUS)
Heat 6: Adrian Buchan (AUS) vs. Miguel Pupo (BRA)
Heat 7: Kelly Slater (USA) vs. Dusty Payne (HAW)
Heat 8: Jadson Andre (BRA) vs. Sebastian Zietz (HAW)
Heat 9: Nat Young (USA) vs. Glenn Hall (IRL)
Heat 10: Keanu Asing (HAW) vs. Kolohe Andino (USA)
Heat 11: Joel Parkinson (AUS) vs. Ricardo Christie (NZL)
Heat 12: Wiggolly Dantas (BRA) vs. Jordy Smith (ZAF)
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The wake jockey Collin Harrington gives a visual (with
camera on stick) of how water diversion technology can give lake
surfing a little buzz.
How to: Get barrelled behind a boat!
By Derek Rielly
All it takes is a lil water diversion
technology…
I ain’t gonna lie. When I saw this photo thrown
up on Mark Mathews’ IG accountI arched
my eyebrows and threw my eyes back into my cranium. Barely ten feet
away from the hull of a boat, on a lake, and… a barrel of
sorts?
How, when, where?
A spurt of industry and I was in the arms of Mr Collin
Harrington, a pro wakeboarder, skater and very keen surfer.
BeachGrit: When and where did you snatch this
photo?
I shot this in Orlando, FL. Gopro had just sent me the new Hero
4 session camera and this was the first test with it. Needless to
say, it worked!
BeachGrit: How the hell y’make something like this
happen? Do you need a special hull, a particularly big
boat?
All the wakeboard boat companies have been making hulls now that
are actually making some really fun wake surf wakes. Some are
better than others but there are a few boats around now that will
do this. Its pretty wild really. It’s all touch button to make the
wave however you want.
I just grew up on board sports. They both have their perks but
there is still nothing like getting spat out of a solid tube on a
surfboard.
BeachGrit: Describe the sensation of swinging inside a
tube behind a boat?
I have to be honest and say the camera angle does play a bit of
a mind game. You can’t quite get in it but it’s close. You can lay
down and get a quick boogie tube but thats about it. The way boat
companies are going though, hopefully we will be able to get fresh
water tubes in the next few years.
BeachGrit: And you surf as well as wake? What thrills
you about each diff sport?
Ya , I grew up living summers in Ocean City, Maryland and
Winters in the Florida Keys my whole life. I would surf and skate
all summer and then in the Keys there are no waves so I would skate
and wakeboard. I just grew up on board sports. They both have their
perks but there is still nothing like getting spat out of a solid
tube on a surfboard.
BeachGrit: Anything else about you, I should
know?
I’m 5’8”, blondish hair, enjoy short walks on the beach… ha. I’m
video producer as well. I’m actually in Oahu right now for the
winter shooting for O’Neill. That’s been fun so far. Been getting
some good waves out here. And my family has a surf and dive charter
boat we in the Virgin Islands. They weren’t able to bring the boat
down there this season but we will be back next winter. Its one of
my favorite places in the world. (See the charter biz
here.)
