Our surf nation turns its lonely eyes to you!
I’ve have just come up from underneath 300,000,000 lbs of American football and the fresh air smells sweet! No more (except Oregon later today and and Seattle vs. Arizona on Sunday)! For our non-US friends, this week between Christmas and New Year’s Day is crammed with football from sun up to sun down. I’ve watched bad teams and I’ve watched good teams and I’ve watched good teams play bad (Jimmicane, what happened to your ‘Noles?) but what I haven’t seen is any interesting interviews or post-game press conferences.
The NFL invented bland when it comes to serving up their personalities. Sideline reporters say into the camera, with a completely straight face, during some quarter of the game, “I just talked to coach and he says the team has to work harder at stopping the run.” Or. “Coach just let the players know that they need to stop the run.”
It is annoyingly bad, utterly drained of value or meaning. Isn’t this supposed to be entertainment? The same is true after the game. Players step to the mic and say, “Coach drew up a good game plan. He told us we needed to stop the run.” Or. “My teammates around me did a great job at stopping the run.”
Humility is a virtue on the American sport’s scene and especially so in football. The American, on the couch, wants his athlete humble and especially his football athlete. Apparently, he also wants to know nothing at all, no gossip, no insider news, from reporters during the game.
Surfing, with a number of employees coming over from the NFL and most notably CEO Paul Speaker, has seemed to adopt this ultra bland approach as its own. We still talk about Bobby Martinez lighting off on the tennis tour and that was so so so many years ago. Mason Ho is pure pleasure to watch surf, partially because when he wins heats he gets to talk and who on earth knows what will come of that man’s mouth? Entertainment!
I wish the product, out of the water, would be a little less NFL and a little more pro wrestling. I wish our heroes would call each other out, complain about the judging, make snide comments about their competition. I wish Pete Mel and Strider, though I love their work, would tease out some funny underlying gossip. I mostly wish the humble would get tossed. Humility is not generally part of the professional surfer’s DNA and when he puts it on for the camera it is ill-fitting.
Can a new Bobby Martinez rise this year and put on a show? Who might it be?
Hows the chops on him hahaha
Get Jake Patterson back on the mic for 2016. At least shit was funny & entertaining. Also, Occy after a few golden ales (think Mundaka a few years back).
He was Hawai’s seventies #1 shaper. Basically, the tutor of Dick Brewer.
haaaaaah, yeah right!
lol
What the F……did you forget Medina threatening Glen Hall on the broadcast not even 12 months ago?
Gabby has got the goods in spades.
Ouch, the Noles lost, but Oregon…blew up. I had to Chas, I’m a sports nut as well as a Seminole! I sort of feel bad for their starting QB. I do like Oregon’s program though, they play with class, and those killer uniforms.
I wanted Oregon to be good this year with Vernon Adams replacing Mariota. I thought the TCU game was locked up after the first half but VA tried to play fullback…the little guy’s gotta learn not to lead with his head if he wants to play a snap in the NFL.
Predictions for the title game? I tend to think Bama takes it, but I sure don’t like it. Maybe Clemson can pull it out.
I wish Alabama had successfully seceded from the Union. I hold the same opinion of South Carolina, though.
Henry was no McCaffrey, but Alabama probably is the strongest team in the nation, albeit unappealing to watch. Rooting for Clemson, unsurprised if ‘Bama wins.
Although seeing the WSL commentary team all dressed in freshly laundered white short sleeved shirts and WSL ties with pocket protectors would be a hoot
The WSL is bland, bland, bland and only likely to get worse. Bring back the ASP I reckon, then we can watch and enjoy all the backroom excitement as everyone deals the press in on all the tour machinations
If we can’t get controversial, can we at least get funny? So much meh on the interview front. So much.
Surfing should be nothing like “pro” “wrestling”. It’s already fake enough.
Maybe more showmanship, I’m currently watching the cobra versus the flying Scotsman, sounds thrilling, and as I get more inebriated it is getting more “watchable” but it still has nothing on watching pipe. I have tried to talk to non-surfing friends about how dramatic the second last day of pipe was, how dangerous it was, like F1 in the 70s, but I just get a blank look in response “really, yeah!”. We all criticise the wsl, and rightfully, and yet it’s great, the sport of kings, but yet it could be better! For instance instead of giving us the Spartan, The White Fijian, The King, the wsl gave us some random numbers, how about each surfer gets to pick a competition name like boxing. It’s all bullshit, but no more so than those stupid nascar type numbers
I would love to be put in charge of giving each competitor their nickname each year.
Medina would have to be “The Brazilian Storm” but then someone else – hopefully Toledo – would upstage him and want to be called “The Brazilian Hurricane”. Kolohe would be “Brother” which would be fine until Owen calls himself “Big Brother” – think about the blood feuds then! The sooner that Toledo and Medina have a falling out the better!
I love a good blood feud. I reckon you’re right on the money with those. I’ve got a few sure thing predictions myself:
Mick Fanning – “White Lightning”
Matt Wilkinson – “Wilko”
John John Florence – “John John” or “JJF”
Wiggolly Dantas – “The Prince of Ubatuba”
Kelly Slater – “the King”
Here’s a few roughies for old times sake:
Joel Parkinson – “Mr Booger Sugar”
Owen Wright – “Hollywood Hulk Owen”
Adriano De Souza – “The Style Apocalypse”
Gabriel Medina – “Charlie’s Brown”
Filipe Toledo – “Mr Tumnus” (Obviously)
…
Awesome
“he’s really doin it!”
Just watching Darts at the moment (don’t ask, basically I am being held captive at the in laws) and some fat slob from Scotland just got the equivalent of Shane beschans perfect heat. People watch Darts, fat ugly slobs throwing small projectiles in a pub, if money can be made from this “Shameless/ Jeremy Kyle” hellish vision the question is how can the wsl not capitalise on selling a bottled version of paradise to the losers that watch the Gary Anderson and the Phil Taylors of the world? We need more drama in the package, these Dart players dress like wwf wrestlers, they are doing something right but it looks so horribly wrong
you can drink and play darts and smoke all at the same time = best fucking sport of all time. period. oh, and fat bastards rule.
I reckon follower numbers are more of a driving force behind the vanilla we’re getting.
Chas, what was your favorite game of this year? Who’s in your stable as an educated Oregonian (the adjective is crucial here) residing in SoCal? Does Rory smoke more bowls in a week than there are bowl games?
Agree, look what Conor McGregor has done for the UFC, talks trash, curses and insults his opposition but he is pure box office. The wsl should aspire to more drama, if not in the water then out of it. Watching Bobbys outburst was one of the highlights of my years watching the wct. The losers should also be interviewed, probably have more entertaining things to say than the winners. Give me a John Daly any day over a Tiger Woods or a Rory McIlroy
Bobby wasn’t a cocky asshole, wasn’t scared to speak his mind on judging but i think there’s a difference between trying to improve the ASP for all athletes involved vs refusing to come on stage when you lose. the sport doesn’t need spoiled brats. many Americans harbor a real animosity to people that are able to make a great living off of sports, and your PR people tell you to say “i’m just happy to be here!” rather than having an opinion that might even sound somewhat negative or unappreciative of the position they have in life.
On the contrary the sport does need spoils brats, this year it was hard to get too excited about the championship as all the guys going for it seem nice enough. The sport needs an asshole, a few of them preferably, imagine if a Chris ward or a Johnny boy Gomes was in the title race, it would make compelling viewing, not that the wsl needs to stoop so low as those guys, but a few interviews where the competitors drop the vanilla facade would suffice, we need rivals, Senna Prost, Irons Slater, I think Medina Toledo will be at each other’s throats in the coming years which is something to look forward to. We want drama, we want to be entertained, we don’t need boring interviews, this isn’t golf, middle America isn’t going to be watching so Oprahs knickers won’t get in a twist if a few profanities are dropped (CJs might though)!
well, if the WSL didn’t fine everybody who has something negative to say about the judging or the organization, these athletes would still probably act pretty vanilla when the bulk of their income comes from sponsors and “likability”. Only reason CJ, Freddy, and Bobby were willing to say anything was because they didn’t have big contracts to worry about at that point
It’s always the goofyfooters isn’t it! It’s counterproductive to fine guys for speaking up, they should think about the show. Also the commentary team needs to be somehow independent, you watch any real sport and the commentary team can call foul when they see it. Asp looked like fools when they fired dooma and snake. Wsl has to forget about their allensburg Pennsylvania dreams, the only people watching are surfers, and sometimes their bored girlfriends/ wives. To paraphrase an old quiksilver ad “if you don’t rock and roll, don’t fucking come”
think it was “can’t rock & roll” and maybe had Colby Outlaw with a cast on his wrist, but yeah, look at the puss fest it has become, Paul Speaker wants surfing to be safe for soccer moms, look at the NSSA, they’re doing everything they can to take the Spicoli out of things. Wardo never budged.
Speaking of vanilla, how about the sponsors going back to this attitude? You can’t expect the athletes to lead the charge to hooliganism when all the brands that pay their bills want to be sold at Zumiez.
A Medina Toledo rivalry could be what saves it for me. Complete with San Clemente home renovation oneupmanship.
Would that imply that most Americans are unappreciative of their position in life? Or just super grateful and bitter with the highly-compensated inner city and deep rural illiterati?
well, yeah. it goes something like “i bust my ass all day in a factory. these pussies fly around the world to tropical locales and then complain about the judging? i’d give my left nut to have one half of that setup, fucking little pro-ho’s and shit!”
your wrong, he was complete cocky fuckhead..
Considering Glenn Hall and Ricardo Cristie both made over $100K U.S. for roughly 11 hours of surfing, maybe there’s not much to complain about.
yeah, but subtract expenses of round the world travel from that, why do ya think Glenn is coaching Wilko?
Maybe John John will go nuts:
“Fuck Pyzel!! I can’t win anything on those things!! Fuuuuuuck!! Somebody gimme some Cabiancas!!!!”
A friend and I were just talking about this! I wonder if John John has ever tried someone else boards.