But only if it's held in a wave pool…
There are a lot of people out there who really ache at the idea of surfing becoming an Olympic sport.
Oh, the corruption, oh the drugs, oh the… pointlessness of men and women tossing balls and running hither and yon, faces red like pomegranates.
And what does the Olympiad do except feed a nationalism that rewards the country with the most money to spend?
Bangladesh, Nigeria, Vietnam, Ethiopia, they’ve all got massive populations. How’s their medal count compared to puny Great Britain, Australia or Germany?
I get it.
But when those sixteen days in August swings around, we’ll cry with the winners and losers on the podium and cast darting eyes at the rippling bodies flexing beneath the orange-hot sunbeams of Rio De Janeiro.
And, so, if only to give yourself another reason to watch, wouldn’t you like it if there was a surfing event?
The world number seven, Julian Wilson, who left Rio yesterday with a last-place screwed up in his pocket, does.
“I think it would be great,” Julian told the Sunshine Coast Daily.
“I don’t know what type of format would work but I think any opportunity for surfers to participate in some sort of team sport would be great (because normally) it’s so individual.”
But…and here’s the thing… only if it’s held in a pool.
“If they can lock down a really good wave pool then we (would) have something solid and tangible but I think it would be pretty hard if you had to rely on the ocean,” he said.
Does that strike you, as it does to me, as an odd thing to say?
Isn’t the WSL world champion, the undisputed measure of surfing greatness, decided in whatever shit happens to swish onto second-rate beaches?
And, therefore, if fairness must be fed into the equation to determine a Olympic winner, does that mean the 2020 Olympic Champion will be surfing’s legitimate champ?
It is not an odd thing. This is the plan that keeps the WSL funded. a) surfing makes the Olympics! b) Kelly’s wave arena (“pool” just doesn’t do it justice does it) is refined enough to be re-created near Tokyo for the Games (perhaps a left and a right side by side! who knows!!) c) surfing is the Youth Hit of the Games d) vast corporate dollars pour into the pro tour coffers e) hurray!!
Alternatively: a) surfing doesn’t make the Olympics b) WSL investor funding dries up rather quickly c) someone else buys the world tour.
A cynic may say the Plan above is so far fetched it makes about as much sense as the manned mission to Mars that NASA keeps talking about. But far stranger things have already occurred in pro surfing’s history. The fact that there’s a tour at all is pretty freakin’ staggering.
I don’t doubt that some in pro surfing believe that Plan A will bring in the cash. It’s just doesn’t seem to work out that way. Many sports have been disappointed and financially battered when the expected post-Olympics cash flow didn’t occur.
Like beach volleyball at the Sydney Olympics which was enthusiastically enjoyed by packed stands of cheering people. Fantastic, they love up, said Aussie Beach Volleyball. We will set up an exciting summer beach volleyball circuit and tour popular Australian beaches. It will be very successful.
No one was interested. In fact, the formerly cheering masses now said, would you fkn people get off our beach? And you, you with the microphone, could you stick it right up your arse?
The magic of the five rings does not seem to work outside the Olympics.
I think Julian means you need guaranteed waves.
The world’s biggest sports business event, competing with many other sports, tight TV schedules, ticketing etc. Olympic surfing needs a product that is knowable and can be scheduled. Punctual waves of a guaranteed quality.
Don’t give Jules’ statement too much weight here. He is fresh off a loss in a back wash fucked, flabby beach break. The man longs for perfection. Wouldn’t you if you went to bed with a Perfect 10 every night? Oh the things I would do to that woman. I wouldn’t be teaching her no bloody golf swing.
After he saw kerzy pull that air in kelly’s pool he is singing a different tune about wave pools. I bet by 2020 kelly’s pool (3.0) will be one of the greatest man-made things on planet earth. Hell, i think it may already be one of the greatest man-made things on the planet.
It makes sense. I think he means you have a constant to judge against because just pulling scores out of your arse won’t really work at an Olympic level and you need a wave that will be exactly the same for every surfer.
It’s been said too many times already but the wave pool sets a dangerous precedent. Do we really want surfing to become as camp as the male pommel horse? How will we be respected in our day to day lives? The blonde streaks through our hair and sun burn will be as embarrassing as a gymnasts chalky hands and sweaty sequined leotard. I am a proud man. Don’t do this to me.
I lost my train of thought at sweaty leotard. I also can’t type leotard without a downy Leonardo Dicaprio popping into my head and shouting “hey you guys” in a goonies style.
That’s my dream! I hope one day surfing will be about as cool as curling, so all the spoiled rich posers contaminating MY peak will fuck off back to the beach volleyball courts.
David Carson could design the medals, and the Lunada bay locals could judge the event.
http://www.poolgrit.com