Who is not a piece of shit? Your favorite soul man Jared Mell!
Oh marriage can be such a many splendored thing! A good husband or good wife is worth her weight and so much more fun than a good boyfriend or girlfriend. I have, frankly, never understood the reticence to walk down an aisle. Why? For what? If you love the one you’re with, really love, then why not? Being an ex-husband or an ex-wife is far superior, literarily, to being an ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend should things go sour.
But you are worried about money? About the money you’ll lose if you divorce?
Pshaw. You are not a romantic. You are a clanging gong. But a piece of shit.
But do you know who is a romantic? Who is not a piece of shit? Your favorite soul man Jared Mell!
I met with Jared so many months ago in a Newport Beach dive bar. We were supposed to be shooting the very first episode of Like Bitchin! except a cameraman never showed. I tried to shoot on my iPhone (sorry WSL x Samsung…your marketing falls upon deaf ears!) but it was impossibly dumb.
We talked, anyhow, of many things. Of surfing, shaping, booze, clothing and women.
Of women!
Jared was with one he loved very much and his eyes sparkled as he told me her story. She had an exotic name, a beautiful smile, a fantastic Instagram feed. She was someone, it was clear. And his eyes sparkled as he told her story!
It involved subterfuge, sexy rendezvous, possible fisticuffs. The stuff of Shakespeare! As I listened I also hoped that it would end cinematically. Not in a whimper. Not in a breathless gasp.
And now they are married! Jared Mell took the plunge with his paramour almost two years ago in Las Vegas, Nevada where all true love stories begin. You think I joke but that’s where mine began. They booked a small chapel and were married by Elvis Presley himself in front of five friends. Elvis’s favorite number was eight but I imagine there is a way to add the extra three somewhere.
Jared, anyhow, tells me, “We had one friend each and then happened to run into three more friends out there so that was it. And then we went to the Beatles Love show that is playing out there…”
I went to the same with my wife before we got married. If you are in Las Vegas it is worth catching.
“…and then I had a full on asthma attack in the casino. I was so happy I couldn’t breathe anymore!”
I laugh and ask him if he thinks marriage is good. He laughs because his new wife is sitting right next to him and says, “Oh totally! Marriage is amazing as long as you find that perfect person and as long as they find you…”
I know his eyes were sparking when he said that. I could feel it through the iPhone and nothing but nothing could make me happier. A good husband or good wife is worth more than its weight. If you don’t believe me go and try it. And if it involves musical theater divorce and try again!
He seems like an easier to hang with Knost.
He doesn’t seem like someone I could hang out with. Too much feel good crap.
I honestly have no idea who Jared Mell is. Throw me a bone here.
He is a style master!
Isn’t he also sold as a libertine? Or am I mixing him up with another style master?
Tell me Chas, did you at least take in our windblown garbage shorepound waves whilst in Newportlandia? Or perhaps paddle out with Jared at San Onofre-on-Depressants (better known as Blackies)?
I get the feeling you may not be interested. How do you feel about Alex Knost?
I don’t. He seems to surf well but I have no feelings about him otherwise.
The cool face behind the monstrous sport of longboarding, as I once dubbed him.
(Not that he commands a log in this bewitching photograph…)