For preventing surf contests from becoming dull
affairs and burdens to those watching at home.
The last two days worth of professional surfing
have been very dreamy, no? The waves they pumped. The surfers they
barreled. Joe Turpel, Pottz Potter, Raspberry, Ross n Ron “Dog”
Blakey they treated us to smooth vocal stylings and we swallowed it
whole chased, depending on where in the world you happen to live,
with either booze or coffee.
But even swimming in that drunken/caffeinated wonder didn’t it
seem that, somehow, it could have been more entertaining? Oh the
surfing was spectacular and we got the champion we deserve at the
end of it all, I don’t challenge the results at all. Gab Medina
straight up outsurfed Kelly and JJF lost fair and square to Jeep
Yellow Jersey Team Leader Matt Wilkinson.
But still. A slightly sour taste. And I think it has something
to do with the priority rules. Let us first read from the official
World Surf League rule book:
The surfer with priority has the unconditional right of way
to catch any wave they choose. Other surfers in the heat can paddle
for, and catch, the same wave, but only if they do not hinder the
scoring potential of a surfer with priority. A surfer loses
priority once they catch a wave and/or a surfer paddles for but
misses a wave. If two or more surfers catch a wave, the first
surfer to make it to the take-off zone will get priority.
It seems simple enough, and fair, except it somehow sucks the
life out of heats. I suppose the WSL would hope it adds a layer of
tactical fun but it doesn’t. It increases the chasm between “good
surfing” and “contest surfing.” The distance Rory Parker refers to
as
“Deadball.”
And, therefore, I propose that it should be disappeared. Surfers
in the wild take care of “priority” simply by positioning and a
modicum of polite understanding. A gentleman’s agreement, more or
less, that recognizes which surfer is in the best/right place.
When a surfer in the wild snakes, burns or otherwise mangles
this native priority there are either screams or fights.
How amazing would it be for professional surfing to have a dash
of professional hockey? Dream with me for a moment! Kelly Slater
and Gabriel Medina sit out the back. Sets loom. They paddle around
each other like jungle cats. Kelly gets slightly inside Gabe and
puts his head down. Gabe, not wanting to roll over, puts his head
down too and sends Kelly over the falls while getting a solid tube
and score in the excellent range. Kelly paddles over to him and
breaks his board and chases him around the lineup trying to punch
his nose.
It would be pure entertainment! And there would be no
complaints! If someone was a dick in the water, regularly snaking,
the rest of the tour would eat him alive. Just like lineups around
the world do with their bad actors.
I think the World Surf League should get rid of priority today.
Connor Coffin agrees. Maybe Joel Parkinson does too.
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Just in: Gabriel Medina Wins Fiji Pro!
By Rory Parker
Torpedoes world number one Matt Wilkinson in
final!
Finals day started with Medina and ADS. Plenty
of swell, still a little unsteady from overnight.
Nothing too amazing. Solid surfing, Medina took the win.
Slater completely outclassed Wiggoly. No surprise. Velvet brown
pate owns somewhere around three decades Cloudbreak experience. And
Wiggly hasn’t exactly been on fire this event. Would’ve been out in
Round three is Coffin hadn’t made an error.
Kelly drops “That one was for Michel and Connor” post heat. A
little unfair. Wigs beat Bourez on points. Interference didn’t make
a difference. Still funny though.
Kelly went on to pick apart his Dantas’s heat. Fucking grand.
Slater has so much knowledge to share. I drink in his every word.
About surfing.
But I’d be so pissed if I were on the receiving end. Especially
because he’s right.
Ace Buchan deserved his win. Took out the wildcard in a solid
workhorse heat. Good waves, great surfing. Nothing stupendous.
Quarterfinal four featured new found deadball devotee facing off
with unbridled brilliance. I had a sick feeling in my stomach
because I knew how it was gonna end.
JJ’s first wave was a foamy bumpy drainer a sane man wouldn’t
look at, much less drag ass along and finish with a fuck
consequences inside reo. Middle six score because it wasn’t a
glassy cover shot.
Wilko answered back with a perfect beauty. Big pretty fucker.
Sits just under cover the length of the ride. Better wave choice,
less demonstration of ability. Gets a 7.73. Not ridden as well as
John’s, but nicer looking. Putting focus on a different aspect of
ability than I really like.
JJs second is a fins out sideways slide into hands off pump your
heart out. Barely sneaks under the lip as it runs away. The
positioning, technique, ability to read the barrel from the inside,
is beyond beyond. Making me gush. Not the judges. 4.43.
Judges miss the finer points of JJs steez. They’re all about
picking the best looking wave. And that should count for something,
but less than performance. Latter takes practice, first partly
luck.
JJ grabbed what could’ve been the best barrel of the event but
can’t quite make it out. Needed an 8.13 with three minutes left.
Wilko used priority sit on JJ in the dying minutes. Passed up a few
good waves.
Won it with better wave selection and more tactical smarts.
Which I knew would happen.
Medina and Slater at firing Cloudbreak. Fireworks. Or not.
Medina grabbed the lead with his second wave, a double barrel
high speed chandeliering nightmare. Held it the rest of the
heat.
Amusing moment when Medina Huntington hopped for a mile on a
grower, only to have it stand up and shut down on him.
Slater was game, but just couldn’t make it happen. Missing a bit
of his fairy dust, maybe.
Took off under the lip with five and a half left, needing an
8.18 and ate a big ol’ pile of shit. Clock running out fast, he
needed a heat winner, and fast.
But it’s Slater, so he could grab a ten with two seconds left.
He’s done it before. Multiple times. Just needs the ocean to send
something his way.
Which Medina knows well, played hard tactics to beat. Used
priority to burn Slater, maybe try to draw an interference with
three minutes left. While Slater got worked, Gabby kicked out
immediately, snuck back outside. Regained priority.
Interestingly, post heat with Rosie, Slater says he was
trying to bait Medina into the wave. Fucked up his
positioning. Totally his fault. So many mind games!
Gabe spent the last minute chasing Slater around the lineup,
nipping at his heels up like a yipping little mutt.
Slater found the wave he needed, five seconds after the buzzer.
Sick laybacklookback barrel with steam coming out of his ears.
I don’t like the new Wilko. Conservative, professional,
consistent. Like running into some guy you used to party with and
he’s a local bank assistant manager with three ugly children and a
stress induced hairline. And he’s totally happy, which is what
makes it even worse.
Slow affair. Wilko gets a solid score early, then not much. Both
guys get caught inside by a set and spend some time paddling.
Buchan catches his first wave just past the midway point. Good
barrel to carve/top turn combo. 7.83 puts him in the lead, but
Wilkobot only needed a 2.44. Which he outdid easily on his next
wave. 7.5 Holds on to it.
Wilkobot/Gabby Final. But first a break while they eat snacks.
Kelly’s nibbling on some sort of fruit. Mango? Oranges? Hard to
tell.
Maybe it’s just me, but yesterday was a tad better.
Finals started off with a failed barrel apiece, then a big set
rolling through the lineup. Medina forced Wilko to use priority,
then they get caught out of position again by a big crumbly set.
Pretty boring.
Wilko eventually grabbed a nothing and did some good turns, HUGE
re-entry. Low score but more than enough for the lead.
But not for long as Medina found a long and deep one to big
Curran-esque alley oop to fakie back flop recovery. Which, funnily
enough, I remember one of the commentators talking about
yesterday.
Then Medina caught fire and ran away. 7.33 for the air wave.
Grabs a very big and long and crimped number after that, comes out
with a claim for an 8.27. Very out of character for the Brazilian
Iceman.
Wilko in a combo with ten remaining attempted to imitate
Medina’s last and couldn’t make it.
Then another big set swings wide, third time this heat, and mows
them both down. Breaks Medina’s leash. Funny stuff.
In the end there’s not much Wilko can do. Media takes the win.
Moves to second place on the ‘CT. Some yobbo holds on to first.
Fiji Pro Final Results:
1 – Gabriel Medina (BRA) 15.60
2 – Matt Wilkinson (AUS) 6.34
Fiji Pro Semifinal Results:
SF 1: Gabriel Medina (BRA) 14.67 def. Kelly Slater (USA) 12.03
SF 2: Matt Wilkinson (AUS) 13.33 def. Adrian Buchan (AUS) 12.00
Fiji Pro Quarterfinal Results:
QF 1: Gabriel Medina (BRA) 10.86 def. Adriano de Souza (BRA)
8.83
QF 2: Kelly Slater (USA) 18.70 def. Wiggolly Dantas (BRA) 9.40
QF 3: Adrian Buchan (AUS) 14.60 def. Mick Fanning (AUS) 13.40
QF 4: Matt Wilkinson (AUS) 14.63 def. John John Florence (HAW)
10.93
WSL Jeep Leaderboard Top 5 (after Fiji
Pro):
Matt Wilkinson (AUS) 32,500 pts
Gabriel Medina (BRA) 24,000 pts
John John Florence (HAW) 23,900 pts
Italo Ferreira (BRA) 20,500 pts
Adriano de Souza (BRA) 20,400 pts
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Man bites shark! Shark bites man!
By Chas Smith
Who is at fault? Who cares! It's great viewing!
I know that you are watching the Fiji Pro right
now. Matt Wilkinson is so tired! Gabe Medina is so not! But it is
any man’s game. And real quick, is Matt Wilkinson better than John
John Florence? This should have been JJF’s day, right? Big throaty
tubes? Scared everyone else? But Matt drilled him twice.
And is today’s Gabe Medina better than Kelly Slater in his
prime? Let’s deal with that tomorrow. But for right now, before we
crown Gabe Medina champion of the Fiji Pro, watch this!
A spearfishing diver goes out and, I think, shoots a shark. Do
you spearfish? I wish I did but don’t. Rory Parker does and does it
often, I feel. I asked him what equipment I should buy when I was
in the Red Sea last and he gave very good advice.
In any case, the shark proceeds to bite the man. How many times
do you get to see that? Not many. You hear many and read many but
not see many. Does it change your “If I get attacked by a shark…”
strategy?
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Stop looking at me! Look at the waves! | Photo:
WSL
Watch Now: Finals Day at Fiji Pro!
By Derek Rielly
It's voluptuous!
Are you at work, in bed, perhaps coiled into
the curvy gams of an utterly nude sweetie, the yellow glow of
sunrise peering into your room?
Shuck work, shuck bed pal, and flip open your phone, your
laptop.
Because it’s quarter-final, semi final and, soon, finals
time at the Fiji Pro and Cloudbreak is selling its body!
Gabriel just beat Adriano.
Right now, Kelly Slater is swinging into hands-free tubes hither
and yon.
It’s a Gabriel, Kelly semi.
Ace Buchan beats Mick Fanning!
Wilko beats John John for the second time in two days!
Three months ago I suggested that the surf
journalists of the world should form an academy and awards worthy
of our high calling. That honored our very important craft. I have
thought much about it since then and would like to officially
announce The Graham Stapelberg Academy for Excellence in Surf
Journalism™
The categories for consideration are:
The Brodie Carr Award for Best Contest
Reportage
The Sam George Award for Being Unnecessarily
Poetic
The Richard M. Nixon Award for Best
Headline
The Billabong Award for Best (biggest) Industry
Schill
The Negatron Award for Best Commenter
The George Clooney Award for Best Profile
The Zach Weisberg Award for Best Story about
Avocados/Surfing Pugs
Story of the Year
Editor of the Year
Lifetime Achievement
It is an edge-of-the-seat affair that depends on your input! Who
would you like to see holding a coveted Grahmmie™ at the
end of the night? Who would you like to heap praise upon? Some
names to mull…
Steve Shearer
Matt Warshaw
Rory Parker
Jed Smith
Brendon Buckley
Taylor Paul
Morgan Williamson
Nick Carroll
Cori Schumacher
Sean Doherty
Tim Baker
Sam George
Marcus Sanders
Joel Patterson
Chris Cote
Tell us below! The Grahmmies™ will be announced to
the world on July 4th.
